He squeezed my upper arms in his hands. “But you and I both know well enough you deal with trash like that on a nightly basis. Normally you handle it without even a ruffle of your pretty little feathers, and tonight you’re about as agitated as my momma’s old washer.”
I ran an unsteady hand through my hair and glanced at the floor as I blew a puff of air between pursed lips. Reluctantly, I looked back at him. “Sorry, Charlie. I’m not exactly at the top of my game tonight.”
A tender smile appeared, and his voice dropped in sincerity. “Don’t expect you to always be on, darlin’. We all have a bad day every now and again.”
Creases dented his forehead. “But I don’t think I’ve seen you lookin’ so lost since the day you first came stumbling through Charlie’s doors. And you damned near broke my heart that day. Tell me what’s put that haunted look back on your sweet face.”
Sweet?
Is that what he saw when he looked at me?
Slowly, I shook my head, swallowed over the lump lodged at the base of my throat. I was searching for that smirk I loved to wear, but it just wouldn’t come. Instead, my bottom lip quivered. “It’s nothing.”
“Don’t go lyin’ to me now. I know you better than that.” His eyes narrowed. “This have something to do with Shea and Sebastian’s wedding last night? Knew it was gonna be hard on you.”
Knew?
How?
Did this man see right through me?
A frustrated sound jetted from between my lips, and I roughed a hand through my hair. “No, it wasn’t that.”
It was everything surrounding it. The stepping out. The putting myself on the line. The dangerous boy who’d seemed to haul in the monstrous load of my baggage with him.
“You looked beautiful, sugar,” he attempted. “Real beautiful.”
His head drifted just to the side. “Hope one day you’ll be lettin’ me walk you down the aisle, just like my Shea Bear gave me the honor of doing yesterday.”
And I knew he was digging, trying to get to the heart of me. Just the way he’d always done. I struggled to find the mask just as an excruciating pain clamped down on my chest.
Everything in Charlie’s tone was fatherly. Caring. Hopeful for my future.
Daddy.
Memories barreled through me. I was too weak and raw to stop them.
Charlie didn’t even know my father existed. He thought my parents were gone. Dead. That I was alone. I’d lied to this selfless, generous man who’d only ever cared for me, thinking it was the only way to protect myself.
And I kept doing it because I didn’t know any other way.
That hollow loneliness radiating from within was worse than I had felt in four years. Maybe in all of it combined. As if it was creeping in like a lost ghost, looking for a home, settling heavy within my soul.
Because I felt this life of pretense coming to an end.
I pasted on a teasing smile. The edges were a wobbly mess, clearly just as fraudulent as the flimsy, impetuous words. “Don’t hold your breath, old man. You and I both know that isn’t about to happen. This girl flies solo.”
He lifted my chin. The tweak of his lips was genuine and knowing. “Just who do you think you’re foolin’, sugar, because it sure ain’t me.”
“Charlie—”
“Don’t think for a second I don’t see you, Tamar King. That I don’t recognize loneliness when I see it. I’ve been livin’ in it for too long myself.”
God.
“Lonely recognizes lonely, don’t you see?”
I tried to speak around the lump clogging my throat. Diverting and obstructing and pretending as if what he said didn’t hit me like a landslide.
“I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen women flocking here just to see the likes of you, Charlie. Pretty ones, too,” I tried, going for casual and knowing I failed miserably.
He smiled a somber smile. “But none of them will ever be my Sadie.”
His words clawed at my chest.
“Don’t break my heart, old man.” It came out on a breathy, teasing plea.
His brown eyes softened. “Looks to me like it’s already broken.”
I recoiled.
“Don’t you dare,” he warned with a big palm cupping my face.
“What?”
“Run. Don’t keep running from whatever you’ve been running from.”
Quickly, I shook my head. “I’m not sure I know how to stay.”
Softly, he eased in and kissed my temple, before he turned and walked to the door. With it open, he paused and looked back at me over his shoulder. “You keep running and whatever you’re running from is just going to keep running right after you. Only way to stop it is to turn around and cut it off head on.”
Fear flashed through me. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready. And after last night, I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be.
I blinked as images flashed.
Lyrik kissing my thigh.
Too close.
Too much.
Shaking.
Terrified.
Engulfing darkness.
I gulped around the remnants of fear.
Would it always be that way?
Charlie clicked the door shut behind him. A hard breath pushed free, and I turned away as I slumped forward with my arms wrapped around my waist.
As if I could shield myself from the turmoil.
But I was coming to realize the shields did nothing to protect me. They gave me nothing more than a counterfeit sense of security. And I was breaking down beneath them.
The door swung open again.