But to keep me at bay.
They were shaking. Almost as badly as her arms were shaking at her sides.
I jerked my head up to look at her face.
“Red,” I whispered urgently. At the sight of her expression, I scrambled back like I’d dipped my fingers in flames.
Blank panic.
Her eyes were wide and trained on the ceiling. But somehow I got she wasn’t really there. Not with me. Not anymore. Her body was rigid and tears streamed unchecked from the corners of her eyes and into her hair.
This time when she whimpered it sounded more like a sob.
“Red,” I whispered again. A whisper that was close to begging, because I’d beg if it’d bring her back from wherever she’d gone.
My heart pounded. Fuck. I was so far out of my element, I didn’t have a single clue what to do. I moved back enough to give her space.
To let her breathe.
But there was a piece inside that wouldn’t let me get far. Even under the warning roaring in my head to fucking up and run. It was the piece that urged me to comfort her. To soothe her. To take it away.
Some fucked-up piece that got all twisted and mangled when I looked at her like this.
When she was completely vulnerable and exposed.
Angel.
Innocent.
She rolled onto her side and drew her knees protectively to her chest. Her head just kept going deeper, burrowing into the pillow.
Her body wracked and shuddered, heaving with sobs that got louder as she curled tighter. Like she’d give anything to disappear.
Again, my heart fisted in my chest. Painfully. So tight I couldn’t breathe. Like this thing—like a monster inside me—was suffocating me. An inhuman swell of protectiveness I couldn’t afford to feel. Rage set up a slow boil just under the surface of my skin.
Get out. Go. Go. Go. You can’t do this.
Helpless, I climbed to my feet, searching her room. For what, I didn’t know.
An answer.
Or maybe a name.
Yeah.
A fucking name. Because I was pretty sure I needed someone to kill. To hunt down whoever had hurt her.
I looked back at the girl who was lying there half naked, shivering like she’d been left for dead out in the snow. I grabbed a blanket and covered her.
“Red,” I whispered. Cautious, I ran my fingers through her hair.
She flinched but didn’t freak out like she had before.
“Red, baby, Red. It’s me…it’s Lyrik, I won’t hurt you…I promise, I won’t hurt you,” I kept murmuring as I gathered her in my arms.
Crossing another line.
I carried her to the big plush chair she had in the corner of her room and settled her on my lap.
She kept crying and trembling in my arms.
“Red.” I rubbed my hands up and down her back. Rocking her. Shushing her. Anything to take it away.
To make it better.
Fuck. Why couldn’t she have just said no?
I’d begged her to.
Then neither of us would be here. Right where we shouldn’t be.
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice was a hoarse rasp. So desperate and small, I felt it rattle my bones. She buried her face in my chest and clutched me like I was her lifeline back from the dark. The brash, bitch of a girl who tossed drinks at a dive bar was long gone. “I’m so sorry.”
I ran my hand down her back and pressed a bunch of small kisses to the crown of her head, my voice lost in her hair. “Shh…don’t apologize. You’ve got nothing to apologize for. Nothing. You’re safe. You’re safe.”
“Lyrik.” It was pain. Torment. Regret.
“Shh…baby…I’ve got you…I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”
I cringed as soon as I let it pass from my mouth.
I looked to the ceiling and squeezed my eyes closed.
What the fuck had I gotten myself into?
“Promise?” she whispered like she was just a scared little girl.
“I promise.”
It was a lie.
Truth was, I couldn’t keep anyone safe.
Because guys like me?
They bred destruction.
I felt everything break apart while I held her. Held her until her whimpers trailed off and her tense body finally relaxed. Meanwhile, mine threatened to snap.
When I was sure she was asleep, I carefully carried her back to her bed. Cautious not to wake her, I laid her down in the center of it still curled in the blanket. A moan bled through those red lips, and she snuggled back onto her side. All that red hair tumbled out behind her.
I brushed my fingers through it and anger pulsed.
Unstoppable.
What the fuck was I going to do?
I COULDN’T KEEP MY hands steady. Glass clattered as I fumbled for two beer mugs from where they were hanging on the iron racks suspended above the bar. I pulled in the deepest breath, a vain attempt at settling my heart and my mind and my hands. It did nothing but stir my nerves more.
I should have called in sick.
I should have stayed curled up in bed all day. Just the way I’d found myself early this morning when I’d awoken alone in my bed wearing nothing but my underwear.