She rushed for the double doors, yanked the right side open. It crashed against the interior wall.
She was halfway out it when she flew back around, like she’d changed her mind. “Do you know what?”
As she stared across at me with her chin lifted high, those bits of Red that’d tried to make a resurgence were gone.
And it was just my girl.
Blue.
Brave, beautiful Blue.
She pointed at the ground beside her, like she was staking a claim. “No.”
No.
My chest tightened.
In all the times I’d begged her to tell me no, this was when she was going to use it on me? When I couldn’t do anything about it? When I couldn’t respect her in the way I knew I should?
Hate me, Blue.
“You don’t get to do this,” she said, taking a step forward as I took one back. “I’ve spent years hiding and I know what hiding looks like.”
She touched her chest. “And I know you. What you said upstairs…”
I fisted my hands at my sides. Trying not to lose my cool.
“I don’t know exactly what it means but I heard what you meant.”
I rubbed my hands down my face, and she just kept on talking, like she didn’t get she was completely tearing me apart.
“You asked me for two months. Two months, Lyrik. And in those two months you changed everything. You forced your way into my life, shook up everything I thought was right when the way I’d been living was so very wrong. You breathed the life I didn’t know was missing back into me. I thought we had a time stamp. An ending. And it turned out you were just the beginning.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, like maybe it could block her words from impaling.
Piercing.
Crucifying.
Except I was no saint.
Hope made its way into the sadness on her face. “I’m going home, Lyrik. Home to Arizona. To the place I’ve been running from for years. I’m going because you reminded me what it’s like to be brave. You showed me it’s okay to be scared and vulnerable. That sometimes that’s the best place to be. And no, I’m not healed. I have a lot of scars to work through…”
She swiped at the tears still streaking like shimmery rivers down her face and sucked in a steeling breath. “And yeah, it’s going to fucking terrify me to sit on that stand and testify against Cameron. But I’m going to do it because it’s the right thing to do. Because I can no longer run from who I am. Because you made me stop and look at her.”
She took a step back. With a shake of her head, she cast her attention to her feet, her grip firm as she held onto the handle of her suitcase.
Contemplating.
Finally, she looked back up at me.
So brave and bold. Vibrant colors. The darkest dark and the most blinding light.
“I love you, Lyrik West. And when I walk out that door, I promise you, it’s going to hurt.”
She stared me down. “But you are worth all the pain.”
Grabbing the door handle, she turned to leave.
I gnashed my teeth so damned hard I was sure they’d be ground to nothing but powder, fucking forcing myself not to respond. Not to give in when that was the only thing in the world I wanted.
Because all I wanted was her.
But I couldn’t have her.
Told her before, my heart wasn’t mine to give.
But fuck, if it didn’t feel like she was taking all of it with her tonight.
Pausing, she slanted one last glance over her shoulder. “And for the record, I think we were the best idea you ever had.”
Then she softly clicked the door shut behind her.
And I let her go.
Like Ash said.
Most of us just broke our own damn hearts.
I stood there staring at the blank space where she’d been.
Hating myself.
Hating my choices.
Wishing I could go back and erase it all.
Somehow make it right.
“So that’s it…you’re really gonna stand there like a straight-up * and let her walk out that door?”
My eyes shot to the right where Ash and Zee were standing.
Shit.
I’d all but forgotten they were standing there, bearing witness to the shit-storm that continued to dominate my life.
“Nothing’s changed, Ash. Told you that before.”
Zee stepped forward, disappointment in the shake of his head. “Fuck you, Lyrik. I’ll go make sure your girl is safe at one-fucking-o’clock in the morning.”
He stormed out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
I winced with the loud clash of wood. At the truth of his words. At my actions. But I had no fuckin’ idea how to make this right.
Ash scoffed low, voice even quieter. “You think everyone around here doesn’t know why you always take two, man? Why it’s too dangerous for you to have one girl, because you might just get close? Seems to me something has changed.”
He edged forward. There was something hostile about his approach. A ripple of anger and a rush of disgust.
Or maybe they were just reflections of my own.
Cocking his head to the side, he pinned me with a glare. “You really think Kenzie—”
He might as well have struck me in the face. Kicked me in the gut. My entire body reeled with the impact of her name.