“We’re all done.” I motioned to her new ink, and she smiled. It was a smile that made me question everything. Emily was safe. She was the exact opposite from Livy, but in that moment, being safe terrified me more. I needed to know that I would taste the chaos again, and even though Livy’s fire scared the shit out of me, I had more fear of never again feeling her burn.
She took my hand hesitantly, and I pulled her out of my chair and close to me.
“Are you ready?” She was only a few inches away from me, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the curve of her lips.
“For what?” She looked like my Livy in that moment. She looked like she was up for anything. The rebellious girl I knew shining through.
“To see your tattoo.”
“Of course.” A smile lit up her face, the moment gone in a flash.
She moved in front of the mirror, and she gasped as she took in her ink. It fit her so perfectly. The size was perfect over her ribs, the colors beautiful against her skin tone, and most of all, the wild, wicked heart, a perfect representation of her own.
“I fucking love it.” She turned this way and that in the mirror watching the way the ink moved as her body did. I watched her looking at herself, mesmerized by her own body, mesmerized by my art.
“Thank you so much, Parker.” Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “I know that this drawing must have meant something to you because you have turned down so many people. Thank you for doing it for me.”
“You’re welcome.” I hesitated. I didn’t know how much to tell her. I didn’t know if I could face telling her the truth, but it also felt wrong to lie to her. “Livy, I…” I rubbed my hand down the back of my neck. “I drew that for you.”
She looked back down at the tattoo, her eyes bouncing around the artwork. She didn’t say anything. She just stared. The butterflies fluttered against her skin as her chest rose and fell rapidly.
Her finger traced around the tattoo, careful not to touch the fresh ink. “Why?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
I thought about how to answer her. I wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear the whole truth. I didn’t think either one of us were ready to face it.
“Because it’s you.” I shrugged. “I was so mad at you when you left. Fuck. I was furious.”
She was staring at me in the mirror, her eyes not leaving mine for a second.
“I got so into my art after that. I spent all my days and nights drawing.”
“And this?” She looked so vulnerable, so fragile, so unlike herself.
“That is you.” I pointed down to her ribs. “You have always been so wild at heart. Like a wildfire that can never be tamed. That’s why I had to let you go.”
She closed her eyes, blocking her against my words. Shielding her.
“That’s bullshit, Parker, and you know it.”
When she opened her eyes again, there was fire there. Pure and uncontrollable, and even though I should have been worried about her anger, I fed off her passion.
“You were eighteen years old. Your life was just starting. What did you want me to do? Get you stuck here with me?”
Finally, she turned toward me. “I wouldn’t have been stuck. I would have chosen you.” She was furious, her voice rising, but I didn’t give a fuck if anyone else heard us. “But you didn’t give me a choice.”
“I know, Livy.” My heart was beating against my chest causing my ribs to ache. I felt like I was there again, like I was about to lose her, but I didn’t see any other option. “But neither did you.”
P A R K E R
Four years and five months earlier
I felt like I was high. It was that insane rush of adrenaline, the blissful high, and the untouchable happiness.
Nothing could touch us. Nothing could bring us down. Or at least I thought.
We had been spending all of our time together. Typically I felt suffocated when I spent too much time with a girl.
With Livy, it was different. With her, it was everything.
I had just gotten home only a few hours ago, but already I was itching to be around her again. I felt off when I wasn’t around her. I almost felt lost.
But I was supposed to be spending the day with Mason today. I had been neglecting him, and I didn’t want him to become suspicious of me and his sister. Because it would ruin everything.
I was lying down on my couch when there was a loud knock on the door. I hesitated for a moment if I actually wanted to lift my feet and stand up because Mason never knocked, ever. But the thought that it may be Livy at the door got me to move my ass.
As soon as I saw her blonde hair through the glass panes of the door, I regretted my decision. I would have turned around too if she hadn’t seen me as well. Instead, I begrudgingly cracked the door open and leaned against the frame.
Madison stood in front of me, and she didn’t look like herself. The usually over-confident girl looked worried and nervous. Her eyes were puffy and her bottom lip trembled, but for the life of me, I couldn’t feel sorry for her. Instead, I watched her, waiting for the Madison bomb to go off.
“Can I come inside?” She looked behind her as if she was worried someone would see her.
“What do you want, Madison?” I closed my eyes and counted to five. I didn’t know how I ever dated this girl. Was I that big of an idiot?
“I need to talk to you. Please, Parker.”
Running my hand down my face, I knew it was a bad idea, but I opened the door anyways.
She walked into my space like she knew it, and I guess she did. She took a seat on the couch, in the same spot where I was just sitting, and I sat in the chair across from her. I didn’t ask her what she wanted again, I just waited for her to speak. There was something about her that made me feel uneasy.
“I don’t know how to tell you this.” She bit her bottom lip between her teeth which I would have thought was sexy once upon a time, but I didn’t trust it anymore.
“Just say it.” I wasn’t up for her bullshit games.
“I’m pregnant, Parker.” Her hand flew out to me and gripped tightly between her fingers rested a black and white photograph.
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, crushing my chest, and making it impossible to breathe. I ripped the photo out of her hand, and I studied it. Looking for something that would make sense. There were white lines all over the image, but I couldn’t tell what was what.
“What?” My voice was shaking along with everything else.
“I wanted to wait to tell you until I was sure. I went to the doctor this morning, but when I came by here, you were gone.”
That’s because I was with Livy. Fuck. Livy. This would destroy us. This would ruin everything. I stared at her stomach and watched as she ran her hand over it calmly.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared shitless because I was, but I was also mad at myself. I was furious that I had been so stupid, but we had used protection every time. Every. Single. Time.
I didn’t know how this could happen. My mom was going to kill me. I remembered what she had said about what mine and Madison’s child would look like. I could imagine the disappointment in her eyes. I could feel it in my chest.
“What do we do?” My hair was in my hands and my heart was in my throat.
Madison just smiled at me, a sweet smile that didn’t belong on her face, and my whole world fell apart.
L I V
Present