I stop just inside my room and shove my hands on my hips. “Who said you were invited?”
“Me.” He shrugs his shoulders and acts casual, but it doesn’t go unnoticed that he’s shifty. He just doesn’t seem like himself.
“Sure, just bring your A game little bro’.” He hates when I call him that.
“Fuck you, Bear,” he says sarcastically.
We’re the only ones who use each other’s birth given names, unless I’m talking to someone else about him that isn’t pop, so he knows I hate that road name.
My face turns steely. “Get the fuck out, Jacques. And stay out of trouble until tonight!”
I throw him his bike keys and he winks at me. “Always.”
Although the humor in his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
My nail snaps making my fourth mark. “Shit!”
I wave my finger about in the air feebly like it’s going to stop the pain radiating through my nail bed. I’ve been here for four days now, but each second has felt like an eternity. I’m ninety percent sure my neck is infected, I have no energy, and I’m just plain fucking angry at myself for showing weakness in front of him.
He’s always played off of weaknesses, my mom’s weakness was me. She couldn’t handle the thought of him hurting me like he did her, so she drank to block all the pain out. But if she loved me so much, then why did she leave me with this monster all those years ago?
“Just spit it out, Kirsten. What you tryna say?” Dad grinds out.
“I’m saying you’re on your own. I’m done living in the shadow of the club,” mom slurs.
I’ve come home from school and found her packing suitcases with a bottle of vodka attached to her hand. She’s done this before, it’s nothing new so I just roll my eyes and walk past their room on the way to mine to dump my school bag before going back to watch this play out.
At fourteen, it’s sad that it’s become the norm that my mom is never sober. I shouldn’t be used to cleaning up puke, cooking all our meals and learning to take care of myself from eight years old, but I did, and I do. This is just my life.
“Oh yeah? And where are you goin’ this time?” Dad asks sarcastically.
“Anywhere away from here,” she says, eyeing me with a strangled expression.
“With what money? You ain’t got shit.” He laughs as he torments her.
The steely determination in her face evident, she says, “I’ll work something out, but I’m not staying here a minute longer.”
She eyes me again and I start to feel a flutter of panic as she picks up her suitcases. “What? You’re really going?” I blurt out. She doesn’t turn back around, just carries on walking to the front door. “Please don’t leave me here, take me with you.”
I don’t want to be left here with my dad, he’s never here.
“I can’t take you with me,” she says deadpan.
I stand and walk toward her, she’s still facing the door with her back to me. “Why? Why would you leave me here with him!”
“That’s enough, Keeley! I’ve done nothing but provide for this family. Do not make me have to force you to stay, Kirsten,” dad grinds out and I wince.
Dad’s never really laid a finger on my mom, but he’s threatened it enough.
I ignore him and so does she. “Please, mom. Please don’t leave,” I beg.
“I’m sorry, sweet girl,” she breathes out, and walks out the door.
I spin toward my dad, pointing out the door. “You’re just going to let her leave like that?”
He lights up a cigarette and inhales before answering me. “Your mom isn’t going anywhere, she’ll be back. She always comes back.”
But after a few weeks I think he started to realize it himself. She wasn’t coming back and that was the last time either of us saw her again. My uncle was furious and he stopped coming around as much which I guess was the only good thing about the whole situation.
I shiver at the memory. She left me, just like that. It was that easy for her to just abandon her only child.
I sit up straighter as the door creaks open, he’s not messing around today. He stalks up to me and grabs me by my tatty hair.
“I saw your old fuck buddy today,” he sneers.
He’s left me confused and I stare at him open mouthed, not knowing what he’s talking about. “He’s trying to turn everyone against me, thinks he can take my position at the club.” He says it like he’s talking to himself. “If he’s going to take away something from me, I’m going to take away something from him.”
He has a crazed look in his eyes as he stares me down.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, I don’t have anything to do with the club anymore!” I shout.
He’s completely ignoring me, in one of his headspaces that he’s just not listening. “I watched you with him, always with him, yet he never made you his Old Lady.” He smirks at me. “He always saw you for the whore you are, you were never worth anything else than that.”