When I Need You (Need You #4)

“Yes. No.” He sighed. “Fuck. I had no idea that Lucy was an expert at this artsy-fartsy stuff to the point of it being her business for a while.”

After seeing firsthand what Rowan went through every day being a single parent, I had no sympathy for my whiny-ass, overprivileged cousin. “You didn’t know because you didn’t bother to ask. It’s no secret that making jewelry went from being Lucy’s hobby to her livelihood because you refused to support her and your daughter.” I got right in his face. “It pisses me off that Lucy was struggling, right under our noses, raising your child alone while you were off hitting the bottle and nailing every chick who so much as breathed on you. And you had the balls to lie to all of us about it. So now that you’re finally on the right path, don’t put your frustration with yourself and your parental shortcomings on Lucy. Don’t turn into that bitter guy who blames everyone else for his crappy decisions.”

“I see she’s recruited another member of my family to Team Lucy,” he said testily.

“Wrong. I am on Team Jax-steps-up-and-proves-he’s-changed. Wishing things were different doesn’t make them so. Mimi loves her mom. Being an ass to the person your daughter loves the most . . . think about that. It’s not a smart move.”

Jax blinked at me and I swear I saw a lightbulb go off. After a moment he said, “When did you get all smart and philosophical, little cuz?”

I lightly punched him in the shoulder. “You oughta try using your brain to think rather than just to stop hockey pucks.”

“Piss off, baller.”

“Speaking of piss . . . the boys’ bathroom is gross.”

He sighed. “I’m on it.”

Once I finished checking on all the classes and staff, I returned to the office.

Astrid glanced up. “I assumed you’d already left for training.”

“I’m going.” I shouldered my duffel bag. “You’ll make sure—”

“Yes. I have a checklist. I’ll text it to you when I’m done.”

“Great. Thanks.”

“Will you be in tomorrow?”

I stopped halfway to the door. “No. Why? Did you need me to be here?”

“Not that I know of. But can we plan on a quick staff meeting early Wednesday morning before the campers get here?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. I’ll bring donuts.”

Vegan donuts. There was something to look forward to . . . said no one ever.





Fifteen


ROWAN




Asking Talia to stay with Calder an extra hour gave me a moment of mother’s guilt, but I needed to talk to my BFF about what was going on with Jensen. Or more accurately—what I wanted to go on with him.

Daisy sailed through the door of the coffee shop. Upon seeing that I’d ordered her favorite cold brew, she said, “I could seriously kiss you right now, Ro.”

“Some days I wonder if all of this would be easier if I swung that way.”

“So this is an emergency. You never say things like that.”

“It’s not like I’ve been secretly having girl-on-girl fantasies. I imagine it’d be easier dating a woman since I know how a woman’s mind works.”

Daisy considered me. “What am I thinking about right now?”

“Are you seriously giving me a lesbian aptitude test?”

“Stop stalling. Prove you’re an Indigo Girls super fan and wow me with your intuition.”

“All right.” I tapped my fingers on the table as I contemplated. “You’re deliberating if it’d be worth it to return to the office to finish the two projects you left undone when you had to rush to my rescue and talk me off the ledge.”

Her husky laugh turned heads. “You couldn’t be more wrong. See that hot guy in a suit sitting by the windows? We’ve been eye-fucking since Monday. Tuesday he dropped off a note on a napkin asking if I was single. It was cute and flirty and quirky enough that I’ve been here after work every day this week. We’ll see if he takes the lead or if I have to make the first move. Because either way? Win-win.” She snagged the last packet of Splenda. “So the fact you and I both have vaginas doesn’t provide you with an innate understanding of how my brain—or my vagina—works.”

“Point made.” I debated asking her about Markus, a guy she’d clicked with on one of those dating sites. Last I’d heard they were setting up a face-to-face meeting.

Daisy said, “So what happened to send you teetering on the ledge?”

“Jensen kissed me. Kissed me like I haven’t been kissed in . . . well . . . ever.”

“When? Where? And why is this the first I’m hearing of it?”

“It happened Monday at camp.”

“Jensen kissed you like you’ve never been kissed . . . four days ago, and instead of grabbing onto him by those massive biceps to see what else he could do with that sexy mouth, you . . . ?”

“Backed off so I could process it.”

Daisy smacked her own forehead.

“What?” I said testily.

“And did you come to a different conclusion after you’ve had time to ‘process’ it than you did right after he kissed you?”

I stared at her. Hard. As if I could make her rethink her (absolutely accurate) assumption about me.

“That’s what I thought.”

“So I should’ve . . . what? Just jumped him right there on the street?”

“You tell me. Because that’s what this is about, right? You need to talk it out and let go of some of your issues—hang-ups, preconceived notions—whatever you want to call it that’s keeping you from acting on your impulses.”

Now that I was sitting across from her, I didn’t remember why I insisted on meeting face-to-face. I’d rather crawl in a hole than admit the truth. Even when Daisy was my closest friend, this wasn’t something we’d ever seriously discussed.

A soft hand landed on my forearm. “In all seriousness. This is a no-judgment zone. Talk to me.”

“Where do I even start?”

“With the hardest thing first.”

I blurted out, “I hardly ever think about sex. I haven’t since before Calder was born. I spent the first year of his life exhausted. I spent the second year trying to find my balance between being a mother and a trainer and all the cheer stuff. The last time I had sex was three years ago at my friend Marissa’s wedding and it was so hurried I don’t think it counts.” My face flamed from the rapid-fire admissions and I couldn’t even look Daisy in the eye. “I haven’t been on a date since Rand.”

“Rand was a freakin’ tool,” Daisy retorted.

“It still stung that he never called me again.”

“But it’s not like guys aren’t hitting on you all the time, Rowan. Why do you always say no when you get asked out?”

I met her gaze. “Because I haven’t met any man that I’ve wanted to say yes to.”

“Until Jensen.”

“Until him.”