When I Need You (Need You #4)

After we chose our flavors—Red Papaya sorbet for her and Caramel Coffee Oreo for me—we wandered back to the parking lot.

Daisy said, “I have an idea. Let’s show off these fine bodies that we’ve slaved to maintain. Grab your kid, pack swimsuits and an overnight bag and come to my place. We’ll spend the afternoon lazing by the pool admiring all the manflesh that populates ye old ce-ment pond. Then we’ll kick back, color and play games with Calder, eat a disgustingly healthy dinner and after your boy is tucked in, we can share a bottle of wine and watch Thor or anything starring hot, half-naked men.”

“That sounds like heaven.” Usually I reserved my weekends for time with Calder, but I’d gotten used to Martin whisking his nephew off on an adventure. Hopefully a sleepover at Daisy’s would count. “Calder’s dance class ends at three. I’ll pick up food on my way over.”

“See you then.”

I got in my car and headed back to Snow Village.

Avoiding Jensen Lund wasn’t possible when you lived across the hallway from him.

Or if he didn’t want to be avoided.

I packed everything for our overnight trip. Rather than try to juggle all our stuff and a heavy bag of garbage, I left Calder in the apartment and dragged the bag down to the Dumpster.

After I’d tossed the bag in and closed the lid, I spun around to see Jensen leaning against the side of the building.

My heart jumped. So did my pulse at the glint in his eyes.

I glanced at the outer set of stairs. If I could get around that metal pole fast enough . . .

“You’re not seriously thinking about trying to outrun me, are you, sweetheart? I didn’t earn the name The Rocket for nothing.”

“Why did you follow me?” I stared at his empty hands. “You aren’t out here dumping garbage.”

He shrugged. “I heard your door close, saw Calder wasn’t with you and figured it’d be a good time to talk about what happened this morning.”

I held up my hand. “You were out of line.”

“For merely talking to you?”

“Yes. According to the rules, we aren’t supposed to—”

“I do not give a good goddamn about that rule.”

“That is apparent,” I retorted. “How many of your teammates asked you why you approached me?”

“About half.”

“And the trainers?”

He shifted, almost nervously.

“They all did, didn’t they? And you want to know why? Because you didn’t see any other players even acknowledging the cheerleaders as they blew past them. You don’t have a reputation for breaking team rules, so you brought everyone’s attention to the fact that we know each other.”

“So you wanted me to ignore you?”

“Yes!”

“Un. Fucking. Real. The first time we had this discussion you were pissed off that I didn’t know who you were. Now that we’re friends, you’re pissed because I do know you? That makes no sense, Ro, and you know it.”

“You don’t have to worry about being shit-canned for breaking the rules. I do. Getting fired from the cheer team because of rumors we’re sneaking around will have a lasting impact on my future employment as a cheer coach. We both know those types of rumors—whether substantiated or not—can destroy a career. What I don’t need is my résumé to say ‘fired and disgraced Vikings cheerleader’ instead of ‘retired Vikings cheerleader.’ No private cheer school will hire me, say nothing of any colleges.”

His jaw tightened. “That’d never happen. I wouldn’t let it happen.”

I stomped up to him. “Don’t you see how that’s worse? You coming forward and insisting we’re just friends? The only way to avoid any whisper of impropriety is if you don’t act like we’re best pals when we’re in a situation like we were in today.” My chest was heaving and I was practically yelling at him. I took a step back and tried to level this uncharacteristic burst of anger.

Those beautiful blue eyes of his turned hard and cold. “So I’m good enough to watch movies and share meals with in private, but in public you’d prefer I acted like a dismissive asshole.”

“I’d prefer you didn’t pay any attention to me at all,” I retorted.

“There are two problems with that argument, Coach. First, we live in the same damn building across the hallway from each other. We see each other every day, so it’s pretty fucking obvious that we would know each other. Second, why are you worrying about future job problems when you already have a job with U of M? They wouldn’t fire you over rumors.”

I threw up my hands in total exasperation. “You don’t know that. And I never intended to stay at the U my entire career. Right now I am a valuable commodity to any cheer program with my years of experience on the pro side and the collegiate side as well as the athletic training side.”

He stared at me.

“What?”

“You’re not a commodity,” he said softly. “I’ve spent my life believing that’s all I am. That’s all I’d ever be.”

I hated having this conversation with him. I knew it hurt him. It hurt me too. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Lund, but you are privileged. Nothing will ever affect you the same way it does me.”

“You’re right.” He pushed away from the brick building. “Evidently the time we’ve spent together hasn’t affected you at all if you’re so quick to dismiss it as nothing.”

That stung.

“That’s not what I meant, Jensen. And that’s not fair.”

I thought he’d move in and loom over me, but he kept his distance.

“You want to talk about unfair? I’ve never let myself get close to a woman like you. A woman of substance, of principles and responsibility and loyalty. You scare the hell out of me, Rowan. You’re smart and funny and thoughtful and beautiful and I knew after that first night we had dinner that it’d be hard just being friends with you. But if friendship was all I could have of you? I was willing to take it because I liked being around you. I liked being around your son. I really liked that you seemed happy to hang out with me. The real me. Not the football player or the rich guy everyone else sees. I hoped if I was patient that you could see that our interest in one another and the attraction we both feel could lead to more than friendship.”

I truly didn’t know what to say.

“But the ‘principles’ part of who you are that I admired came back to bite me in the ass. I get that you are a list maker and a rule follower. What I don’t get? That you’re willing to blindly follow someone else’s rule even if it causes you to lose out on something that could have a positive impact on your life.

“I’d never do anything to jeopardize your livelihood. But I don’t think your extreme overreaction today was about how our friendship will affect your career. You’re just as scared about what’s been building between us as I am. The difference is? I want to embrace it, not run from it.”

“I’m not running from it,” I said hotly.

“Yeah, sweetheart, you are. You’re latching onto any excuse to keep things as they are.”

“It’s not an excuse, Jensen.”