On the way out of the office, Maddy took the letter, tore the two pages in half, and dropped them in a wastebasket. Mackenzie saw her mom and sister appear, and stood up. “What happened?” she asked.
“Wow, he is one fabulous coach,” her mom was saying to Maddy as Mackenzie joined them. “Not many coaches would be like that, especially after how hard he recruited you.”
“Are you still on the team?” Mack asked.
“Yup,” Maddy said.
“Wait, you are? But… can I read the letter?” Mack asked.
“I already threw it out,” replied Maddy.
The three of them walked over to the quad, where they met Ingrid, then went to her dorm room. “What happened?” Ingrid asked. “Did you quit?” They had planned to quit together, Maddy and Ingrid, both of them convinced that more free time would make them happier. Problem was, only Ingrid had followed through; only Ingrid had actually quit.
Maddy recounted the meeting. Dolan had offered her the world. And she couldn’t disappoint him, you know? Plus, he had solved so many of her problems. She could make this new arrangement work; it was the best of both worlds. “I would say Madison seemed a little less troubled than before and during the meeting,” Stacy remembered. “Almost like she felt better after expressing her feelings to us. However, looking back on it, I recall something felt amiss: when I said goodbye to her that day, I hugged her and of course I cried. I can’t remember if she cried also, but in retrospect, her relief did seem short-lived.”
A never-ending struggle: watching your child fumbling, forging a path, becoming an adult, and not being sure when they need you to hug them and keep them safe, and when they need you to let them be.
Once Stacy and Mackenzie had left, Maddy and Ingrid went over to a friend’s dorm room.
1/13/14 8:13 PM
Maddy: Drinking w girls in Annabelle’s room
Mack: No parties?
Maddy: Nopeeeee
Mack: Why
Maddy: Not a lot of people back on campus
Maddy: Mack I don’t wanna do track at all anymore
Maddy: Seriously
Mack: Why?
Maddy: I hate it
The following morning, Maddy sent a message to a Penn friend who was on the football team, as well as to Trisha, a good friend from home. The day after that, she received an e-mail from Dolan laying out the plan for the upcoming week of training. So what, exactly, had changed?
1/14/14 10:04 AM
Maddy: Heading back today!?!
Logan: About to land
Logan: How’d meeting your coach go?
Maddy: Ehhh. As of now I’m still on the team but I’m meeting with him again on Thursday. I feel bad because he is soooo nice and so awesome and genuine and pretty much one of the reasons why I came to Penn in the first place so I feel really bad disappointing him. But I just don’t enjoy training anymore. Like IDDDDDDKKKKKK I hate this so much
Logan: Did you say you wanted to leave the team? How are you still on it? Lol
Maddy: Yeah I did!! I legit wrote a two page letter about it. 2 pages!! But I’ll explain the whole thing in a little when I get to the nail salon hahah
Maddy: Hi. Okk so pretty much told him my feelings about everything and was 100 percent honest about how I was feeling and he basically like felt guilty but also felt like I should have told him how I was feeling earlier. But he said that he would love to be my main coach so he just wants me to give it a shot for the rest of the semester instead of taking the semester off as like a break. So I’m meeting with him on Thursday again. But I went to practice yesterday and really just didn’t enjoy it. Like I don’t think things are gonna change. I just don’t know how to express that to him without feeling guilty or like a disappointment to him.
1/14/14 11:38 PM
Trisha: U looked like you were having fun in yo Snapchat
Maddy: Yeah I went to da bars but I’m still on the fence about track. The meeting went so well but like my coach (the head coach) is so friggin nice and awesome and a genuinely good person and I feel like it’d be a huge disappointment to him if I quit. I know I have to make this decision for me and do what’s best to make me happy here but I just honestly feel like I’d be letting him down. And my parents.
Maddy: But I really don’t enjoy it anymore
Trisha: Yeah I get what you mean but like you said you can’t be unhappy just so you don’t temporarily disappoint other people. Your parents will get over it I promise and the coach goes through stuff like that all the time he literally signed up for it when he became a coach. It’s your life you need to do what makes ya happy ya feel
On Jan 15, 2014, at 1:00 PM, “Stephen Dolan” wrote:
All,
We have the Air Structure reserved today from 3:30 to 5:00. Let’s plan to meet there at 3:15 for practice. The plan is to take a distance run locally and meet back at the Air Structure at 4:30 for an organized team strength training circuit.
Here is the general plan for the next few days:
Thursday: Van out from Dunning at 3:15
Friday: Meet at Air Structure at 3:15 to warm-up for the workout (Weather permitting we will run the workout on the outdoor track) (5-6 x 1000 at 5K pace w/ 2:00 rest)
Saturday: OYO for cross training or a recovery run and some core work
Sunday: Van out to the park at 10:00 AM
Goal setting for 2014
Also, as I mentioned in our full team meeting on Monday, I feel that it is very important to set some concrete goals as we embark on the track season. I’d like each of you to take a few minutes to write down 2-3 specific competitive goals that you have for this year on the track. At least one or two of these goals should be a specific time that you are dreaming about running. I’d also like to see you brainstorm in regard to what are the key things that you need to do to achieve your goal. For Example: “I want to break a 5:00 mile and I see my sleep schedule and better consistency with my strength training as important areas in which I can improve to help me chase this goal.”
You don’t have to share your goals with me but I would love to hear one or two of them if you are willing to share so I have a better understanding of what you are dreaming about. Please send me a short goals e-mail if you would like to share. I’d love to help you achieve your goals and want to have fun in the pursuit.
Proposed Haverford Meet Entry
Men’s 3000: VA, WM, CN, Bsh, JT, NT, LW
Men’s Mile: TA, ED, CP, TS, CSh, BSm
Women’s 3000: KJ, Cleo, Clarissa
Women’s Mile: SMc, EG, AM
TBD: MD, AD, EQ, MH, NG
Dreamscapes
It is the middle of the night. I am suddenly awake. Or have I been awake for a while but it was so dark I believed I was asleep? I don’t know where I am. But I’m not concerned.
I reach for my computer. I don’t usually do that. But there is something on there I need, though I’m not sure what. I pull my silver Mac from the bedside table and onto the sheets. The room is ink black. I open the laptop, and a halo of light appears.
The artificial glow is jarring. I rub my eyes. I blink.