“Will it?”
Sighing, he mulled over his options. Say no, and get caught out as a liar in the unlikely case that something did happen. Say yes or maybe, and cause Shelly to worry needlessly when nothing happened. His mother had warned him a long time ago not to have kids with someone he wasn’t willing to deal with for the rest of his life. Birthdays, school programs, graduations, weddings…Shelly would always be there. He needed to keep things as civil as possible.
“We don’t have any plans at the moment.”
“But you won’t say no. You must like her.”
“I like her, but we don’t have much in common.”
“I don’t mean to sound like I don’t want you dating anyone. I was just surprised when the girls told me that.”
“Yeah,” he said, staring blindly at the road. “I get it.” It was nothing he didn’t worry about on almost a daily basis himself, so he couldn’t be upset with her for asking about his activities. When Shelly began bringing a strange man around Jared’s babies, he would probably hire private investigators and do background checks on him. It was only sheer luck he hadn’t already dealt with it.
“As long as she’s good to my girls, we won’t have any problems.”
“I don’t know her that well, but Sunday night, she was awesome with them.”
“I just…I don’t like this. You wouldn’t like it either.”
“I know, okay? Look, do you need me to stop by? We can talk about it if you want, but I really don’t think you have anything to worry about.” He preferred to do these things face-to-face, not over the phone. Shelly was the opposite. She’d been the world’s damn worst about not starting a fight with him until after he’d left the house, so she could confront him over the phone or in a text. It had always been an issue.
“No, but from now on, will you just let me know what’s going on? If you start seeing someone, I want to know. I don’t care what you do on your time, but when you’re on kid time, it’s different. I shouldn’t have to find out from my daughter.”
Jared sighed. It had never occurred to him that his seeing someone new might upset Shelly for reasons other than a stranger becoming involved in their children’s lives. She’d loved him, and the fact that she’d left because she couldn’t live with another woman’s presence forever hanging between them didn’t negate that fact. Shelly had maintained a strong facade for him, but who knew how she felt when he wasn’t right in front of her? Did he still matter that much to her?
“You’re absolutely right,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“How did you meet her?”
Oh, her boyfriend threw her out of the car, and I found her walking along the road. If it sounded horrible to his own ears, he could only imagine how it would sound to hers. “She, ah…she was stranded, and I gave her a lift.” It wasn’t a lie.
“What does she do?”
“She works at Brian Ross’s tattoo shop.”
Incredulity erupted then. “With Macy’s boyfriend?” She practically snarled the name.
“Yeah.”
“What the hell are you doing, weaseling your way in?”
Now he was pissed. If he and Shelly did have a fight, it was always because that name had come out of someone’s mouth. Anyone’s. It didn’t matter whose. But an accusation like that was uncalled for. “I’m not doing anything,” he bit out. “I told you what happened. I helped her out, she made us dinner. Yes, you are making a big deal out of it. Stop.”
“Fine. Will you see the girls tomorrow?”
He saw them every Wednesday night. “Why the hell wouldn’t I?”
“Go ahead and pick them up from school, if you want.”
“All right.” They hung up then, with a ton of angry words left unsaid on her part, he was sure. But, as she’d once told him, she was sick of the fight. She never won. What she didn’t realize was that he didn’t either. At least, living like this damn sure didn’t feel like a victory of any sort. It felt like his goddamn heart was being torn from his chest. Aching over what he couldn’t have, how he’d allowed that pain to fester and rot through every good thing in his life. Tearing apart his family, his kids, hurting a good woman who loved him.
Wednesday afternoon, his daughters climbed up into the backseat of his truck at the elementary school with grim faces. They buckled their seat belts with barely a word, each staring out her respective window as rain drooled down and he questioned them about their day and what they’d learned. Finally, his knuckles white on the steering wheel, he asked, “What’s the matter?”
It was Mia, sitting on the passenger side, who met his gaze in the rearview mirror. He couldn’t mistake the little spark of accusation in his daughter’s eyes. “Momma cried all night.”
Fuck it. He gave up.