“Yep. For all the good it did.”
“I can say something next time I’m over there. Of course, now that Max and I are off, I probably won’t be there that much. I wouldn’t want to run into him.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, shaking his head. “And definitely don’t risk going around him.”
“It’s definitely not my plan to.”
They lapsed into silence. Somehow, coming over and hanging out with him all night hadn’t seemed adequate reward for what he’d done for her, dinner notwithstanding. But she didn’t owe him anything, and he hadn’t asked her for anything. Nothing could explain the images that inundated her mind right then—of her grabbing him and laying one on him—except the sheer desire to do so. She was grateful, sure. She was appreciative, oh yes. But she also wanted to know what he tasted like, if his lips were soft or firm, if his hands would sensuously roam her body or hold her to him while his mouth played over hers. Just the thought of being pressed against that hard chest made her nipples tighten. She could pretend it was the light chill in the air, but it wasn’t. No way.
Not. Worth. It. Her brain repeated the mantra to her over and over. Pre-Max Starla would’ve ignored her brain. Post-Max Starla edged closer to her car and forced words past the desire slowly uncoiling through her belly. “Well. I’ll be seeing you?”
He grinned, the white of his teeth a glint in the darkness. “I really do hope so.”
And with that, she got the hint. He’d said the right words about wanting to see her again, but he wasn’t exactly falling over himself to set a second date just yet. She’d blown it by being presumptuous about sleeping with him. Her damn fucking mouth. Disappointment and relief mingled as desire waned, and she knew—she knew—it was for the best. But dammit, it didn’t have to sting so much. Absently tapping her open palm on the top of her car door a couple of times, she breathed a hasty “Okay,” and retreated to the safe, dark interior. But before anything else could happen, Jared reached in and caught her hand, bringing the back of it to his warm lips.
Firm. Oh God, firm. Strong. If she’d been standing, her knees might have buckled. The brief touch was there and gone almost before she knew it, leaving her skin tingling. She almost snatched that hand to her chest and put her other hand over it, like a dumbass, and God only knew what her face looked like as she gazed up at him. “Chivalry,” she choked out in a failed attempt to be cute and flirtatious. “I like it.”
He smiled again. “Good night, Starla. You know where I am if you need me.” She nodded mutely. He shut her door.
Wow. Fucking wow. Okay, maybe it would be worth it. Maybe she should jump out of her car and jump his bones. But no, the kids, the kids. He would shoot her down whether he wanted her or not. She couldn’t get all worked up when there wouldn’t be any payoff.
Oh hell, you idiot, she scolded herself as she drove down his driveway, noticing in her rearview that Jared stood on his front porch, watching her leave. The porch light cast him in silhouette, accentuating broad shoulders and narrow hips and…unf. Thighs. She loved powerful thighs on a man. Something to sink her fingernails into while she sucked him deep…
It’s not like he can’t have sex because he has kids. People with kids have sex all the time. How else would they end up with more kids?
But she’d done it; she’d accomplished her mission. She’d had dinner with someone she was powerfully attracted to and hadn’t jumped vagina first into anything. She should be celebrating her victory. She should be feeling good about herself.
So why, then, did it feel like such a loss?
***
“It could be the start of something wonderful,” Janelle said cheerfully the next day as she and Starla poured themselves coffee in the break room.
Starla shook her head. “I doubt that.” She didn’t want to elaborate. Jared obviously still carried a torch for Macy, but that wasn’t Starla’s secret to share. She had to work with Janelle, and they both had to work with Ghost, and Ghost had to live with Macy. It was all a little too close for comfort, and she didn’t need to be the cause of strife among her friends. “Maybe it could be wonderful, but I’m pretty sure it would be very much temporary. I’m getting a little sick of temporary.” Sighing, she stirred creamer into her coffee. “It’s scary out there, Jan.”
“You think I don’t know that? That’s why I don’t go out there.” Janelle grinned. “As long as I have a full pack of batteries, I’m good to go.”
“You know, I had almost that exact same thought last night. Like, what’s the point of all this? Why do I bother?”