“Thank the gods,” Victor muttered, cracking his knuckles with nervous tension, his gaze focused on Lingyi’s face. He looked ready to collapse to his knees.
Lingyi’s straight, black eyebrows were drawn slightly together, as if she were anxious or vexed. If I had any doubt of Victor’s feelings for her before, I didn’t anymore. I felt for him. Why was it that we so often desired someone we could never have?
Arun rubbed his temples. “We aren’t in the clear yet. These next few hours are critical. But I can’t stand to just watch anymore.” He looked like he’d tug out his own hair if he could. “I’m going to make some rice porridge,” he said. “I have to do something.”
Victor, who considered himself the better chef, followed Arun into the kitchen. I was glad. He needed something to keep himself occupied too. Vic, who was always so blasé about everything, was beside himself with worry.
I listened to the two bang around in the kitchen as they cooked together, and I sat down at the end of Lingyi’s bed, resting a hand on her knee. Some time later, she opened her eyes and stared at me. “Zhou,” she croaked.
“Hey,” I said, smiling, trying to sound normal. My fingertips tingled from overwhelming relief. It felt as if my heart had been in my throat the entire day. “How do you feel?”
“Like shit,” she rasped, then broke into a dry cough.
I went to ease her up and helped her drink some water. She gulped thirstily, then collapsed back on the pillow. Suddenly aware that she was clutching Iris’s hand, she bolted upright again. “Is she okay?” Lingyi asked, frantic. I squeezed her arm, trying to calm her.
“She’ll be fine, boss,” Arun said. “You’re both recovering nicely.” He and Victor had come over the minute they saw Lingyi had woken.
Lingyi eased herself onto her side, so she was facing Iris. “Darling?” she whispered in English, then trailed her fingertips down Iris’s arm, before cupping her face, gentle as a lover. “Iris, my heart, come back to me.” This time in Mandarin.
And it was as if I had been kicked in the chest. I could feel Arun and Victor stiffen in shock behind me. They were as surprised as I was. Lingyi and Iris had been together for two years. We all knew it. But neither had ever been overt with displays of affection, not physically or in words. They had always been very private in their relationship. So much so that I’d often forget they were an item—other than the fact that wherever Lingyi was, Iris was almost always near, like a lethal shadow.
Iris gave a soft groan, and her eyes fluttered open. I’d never seen her so exposed, so unguarded; she appeared younger than her seventeen years. Her face was soft, not composed, masked as it usually was behind a smirk or wink. “Lingyi, I’m so sorry,” she said. “I think I caught it first—”
“I could never regret our kisses.” Lingyi’s mouth twisted into a weak grin. “You didn’t know.” She rose onto her elbow and stroked Iris’s face again, gazing down at her with tenderness.
Iris returned Lingyi’s look. We all had our defenses, our hard surfaces, but Iris had built a wall higher than anyone I knew. Now I saw the love that filled her eyes, something that she had always tamped down when she was around us. To appear tougher, untouched, and unaffected? I didn’t know.
But I understood her hesitation, the instinct for self-sufficiency for the sake of survival. Loving someone was risky. Loving someone left all your weaknesses exposed.
The other two guys finally stirred behind me. We exchanged glances, our surprised expressions mirroring each other’s. Victor went to kneel by Lingyi’s bedside and spoke her name in a choked whisper.
“If you say something inane, man,” Arun interjected, “I’ll punch you in the mouth.”
I laughed, surprising myself. My arms felt limp from relief that the worst of it seemed over, and I was emotionally wrung out. I’d risked my own life before—kidnapping Daiyu, breaking into Jin Corp—and had faced illness and death. But seeing it happen to my friends, that was different.
Victor ignored Arun. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, Lingyi,” he said. “We can’t lose you. You’re the heart of our mission—the core of our group.”
“No one’s losing me. I’ll be here to boss you forever,” Lingyi murmured, then turned to him and smiled. A hesitant smile, almost shy if I didn’t know Lingyi better.
Vic cleared his throat, but he smiled back, just a fraction. “I’m holding you to that.” Still masked, Victor “kissed” his gloved hand, then pressed it against Lingyi’s cheek.
As he half turned his face away from the girls, I saw his eyes were shadowed, the raw pain flashing across his features before he composed himself in a heartbeat. To Victor, being put together meant never letting others know how you truly felt. He wanted us to believe that nothing mattered to him except his next deal, and the profit he’d make. He didn’t realize how much he gave himself away to those he was close to. Vic always had our backs and cared deeply, for his friends and for a better Taiwan. If I ever told Victor that I knew it was all a front, he’d be pissed.
We clustered there, with Arun clasping my shoulder, and my hand resting on Lingyi’s knee. Victor cupped her face a moment longer as she and Iris laced their fingers together. Connected. Unified. And of one mind on the task that lay before us.
It should have made us strong, but instead I was suddenly struck by our fragility. How we were playing with danger and poised on the brink with a deadly plunge downward.
Victor was right. I loved each of them like family, and I had led them to this precipice.
? ? ?
Later that evening, Lingyi and Iris were well enough to eat the rice porridge, smoked chicken, and pickled cucumbers Victor had prepared for them. Arun had also stir-fried some long beans for us slathered in garlic and scallions, filling the dining room with their mouthwatering aroma. The girls were weak, but their temperatures were almost normal. Even their coughs had subsided. I ate with them while Victor and Arun left to get something from a cafe. The girls could be contagious for up to a week, Arun had said.
Daiyu messaged me after dinner. I hated how my chest tightened just from seeing her name on my Vox. Are you avoiding me? she asked. I stared at the message, irritated by the conflicting emotions she stirred in me. I turned off my Vox, ignoring it, while Iris and Lingyi chatted with each other about a new film they wanted to see once they recovered. Their heads leaned in, forming a space that included only each other, openly intimate. Almost dying from this flu had changed them.
Drumming the glass table with my fingers, I tapped my Vox back on after a few moments. Sorry, I replied. Friends have been sick. Ten seconds later, she responded: Sorry to hear. See you soon?
I rubbed my eyes, knee bouncing beneath the glass dining table.
Lingyi touched my arm. “You okay?”
I nodded without looking at her.