In time, Max returned and didn't speak a word of what he'd done as he climbed into bed beside her. Wrapping his arms around her body, he pulled her back against his chest, a soft sound of contentment brushing across his lips.
Alice lay awake, her eyes still glued to the screen, a thousand questions running through her head until they exhausted her completely and delivered her to sleep.
*
The next morning came as ordinary as any morning. Except it wasn't ordinary for one stark reason that Alice didn't understand until she opened her eyes to find the first rays of morning sunlight trickling past the curtains of a large picture window in the room.
Dust motes glimmered where they hung suspended in a cascade of shimmering beauty, tiny fairies of light that had paused to worship the warmth that was returning to the world after hours of the cold moonlit night. Her eyes followed those small points of reflected light where they danced and swirled within the gentle air current that worked a path through the room.
She was aware of her surroundings, but not yet awake enough to feel panic over it. More importantly, she wasn't pinned to the bed by some unseen specter. She was able to wiggle her fingers and toes, and she didn't open her eyes onto the scene of nightmare that had followed her from sleep into her waking life.
The sleep paralysis she'd suffered so often that it had become a part of herself was absent. There was no ringing in her ears so loud she feared she'd never hear anything beautiful again. There was no weight on her chest that threatened to crush her. Her body was solid and not floating above itself looking down to where she lay comfortably in the arms of a man.
The confusion that came with the absence of a demon that had plagued her for as far back as she could remember was staggering. So much so, in fact, that she forgot to feel the panic of the reality to which she'd woken. The monster to whom she'd woken.
Max' arms were a warm weight across her body that prevented her from sitting up, but from what she could see, the pillows she laid her tired head upon the night before were still in place. The sheets were as neat over her body as they had been when she tucked herself in. There were no obvious points of pain on her arms or legs from where she'd hurt herself fighting some unseen force through the night. She was still in place and hadn't woken to find herself standing in the threshold of a doorway, or lying down in another room.
She'd slept through the night without fighting. Without dreaming. Without panic or fear. And she woke peacefully to find the glimmering rays of quiet, morning light.
12:33 p.m.
Gray walls.
Black table.
Plastic, fake red roses.
"Alice? ... Ms. Beaumont? ... Alice Beaumont?"
"Yes, doctor."
Alice’s feet shuffled beneath her as she dragged herself in to take her usual place on the couch to be examined. But unlike other days where she'd sunk into the cushions, weighted down by the grim reality that they would never understand or cure the nightmares that haunted her, Alice felt lighter, more awake, more in touch with the world around her.
She still didn't remember what she did from hour to hour. She couldn't stitch together time until it became a clear picture of what her life was like. However, for once, and for those few moments she knew would be fleeting at best, she felt like she'd triumphed in the face of an ever-present threat.
"You look good today, Alice. Rested."
The doctor's observations weren't entirely accurate. She wasn't good or rested in the traditional sense of the words. She was better than most days, but still didn't feel like a normal person would.
She didn't comment on what the doctor said, couldn't find the proper words or phrase to explain the way her fears still existed beneath the surface of her skin. Guilt rode her for finding the smallest amount of joy in the relief she felt that her fears weren't the first thing on her mind, or a crushing weight pinning her in one harrowing place.
The doctor arched a brow in question at her silence, but he didn't prattle on to make her discuss the change as she'd thought he would.
His throat cleared, a sharp bark of a sound before the gentle lilt of his voice filled the silence between them. "Before we talk about any more of the dreams, I think it's important that we go over a few points I've determined are necessary topics."
Idle fingers toying with the ends of her long hair, she glanced at him to let him know she was listening.
"You admitted in our last session that you'd fallen in love with Max. That after the abduction, the violence and the abuse..." His voice became softer, more hesitant and careful. "...that after the rape, you loved him."
A quick nod of her head, a throat working over the remnants of a previous confession that were uncomfortably lodged in place.
"That's worrisome, Alice. And it speaks to several conditions that give me significant pause."