His strong hand released her neck and she gulped in the hot air between them, her mind still lost when he pulled out to flip her body over.
Memories rushed back, the woman with the mask, with her face crushed to the mattress as he drove in from behind, and now Alice was that woman, her body on its knees as Max rode her with one hand on the back of her head and the other clutching the thick flesh of her hip, driving and forcing himself so deep it was all she could feel.
A flutter in her belly grew into a wave of ecstasy and rebellion, an orgasm churning until it exploded within. She opened her mouth to scream into the mattress, her voice breathless and torn, her submission finally and thoroughly complete.
Max used her body to chase his own release, catching it on a deeper stroke before he dropped his weight down, crushing her beneath his body and the bed, his hand releasing her head to allow her to breathe.
Having come down from the orgasm that relieved the torment, Alice lay beneath the cage of his body, a single tear slipping from the corner of her eye, one liquid, hot drop that was all she had left of the woman who'd existed before she'd been stolen away.
12:32 p.m.
Gray walls.
"Alice? ... Ms. Beaumont? ... Alice Beaumont?"
She couldn't bring herself to announce her presence. Defeat sat heavy on her shoulders as she walked into the interior of the doctor's office, her feet dragging beneath her as she forced her eyes to seek out the usual landmarks that told her she was somewhere protected and safe.
White door.
Dark wood desk.
White and beige striped couch.
The doctor sat back in his leather chair, his slacks wrinkled at the knees and his notebook on his lap. He studied her for several minutes without saying a word, forgoing the usual questions he'd ask when he said, "Something's changed."
Nodding her head in response, Alice pulled a pillow into her lap as if that small square of fluffed fabric would protect her from the truth she didn't want to admit to herself or to him. "How far did I get in our last session, Doc?"
Speaking softly, the doctor's voice was cautious, as if Alice were thin ice that would become cracked and broken beneath the weight of his words. "You described a sexual assault."
She shivered at the familiar words, at a nagging memory she hadn't yet fully retrieved. But even more than that was what came after in that particular dream. For the fact that he hadn't mentioned it, she knew she hadn't been brave enough to speak it out loud. Now was as good a time as any, because what she had to say was the worst confession of all.
"I fell in love with Max in that dream."
The quiet shuffle of his pant leg when he moved was the only sound in the room beyond the ticking clock and the sink that still hadn't met a plumber. Relaxing back against his chair, he dropped the pen on the surface of his notepad to bring his steepled fingers to his lips and appraise the woman balled up and fragile on the couch in front of him.
"Because he raped you?" he finally asked, his words as vulnerable as Alice.
Her eyes were hot from the tears that rimmed them and threatened to drip down cheeks that were already swollen from crying. Shaking her head, she clenched her eyes shut, expelling the tears so their heat would trail down in small rivulets of shimmering pain.
"No," she croaked, her voice weak and gritty. "It was because he chased away the nightmares."
Silence was a heavy ticking elegy that beat with the rhythm of the wall clock and drowned out the sound of a sink dripping endlessly.
Studying her, the doctor remained silent as if he was waiting for more from her. Alice stared back at him, also waiting. They’d reached some kind of stonewall where both people had more to say, but neither was willing to say it.
Whereas Alice’s thoughts were a jumble, nothing truly concrete or static, the doctor had reached an obvious decision and proceeded forward in an attempt to lead his patient to the proper understanding of the emotions she was feeling.
“Are you sure that’s the only reason you fell in love with him? Was the lack of the disorders the only reason?” He paused, his focus unrelenting when he quietly asked, “Is there more to the love you’re feeling, Alice? People don’t normally experience love after being violated in the most personal of ways. Can you think of something else that might have happened to make you feel that way?”
Slapping at the tears that slid down her jawline and clung to her chin in fear they'd fall away and be forgotten, Alice pulled her bent legs to her chest and rested her forehead against the warm, hard planes of her knees. She didn’t understand what the doctor was asking of her, but something pulled at her thoughts, a gentle tug that was as annoying as it was frightening.
"I didn't tell you the last part, apparently. If I had, you would understand completely."