Marc
When you saw a ten-inch cock, I have to assume that frightened you.
Judy
I had nothing to compare it to, that’s the other thing. He’s six four, and he’s really skinny. It’s all cock. It’s like cock, and then some little body attached to it.
Marc
The body was just a cock delivery system.
Judy
Right. He puts it in. Then it really kills, and then I went to the bathroom, and I was like, “That broke.” Then I went back in the bed.
I forgot what TV show was on. It was some sitcom or something. I was like, “Good, that’s comforting.” He doesn’t hug me, but then he was like, “We can do it again.” I’m like, “No fucking way.”
Then the next day was the Simon and Garfunkel concert in Central Park, and we went, and I couldn’t sit. It killed so much. I was leaning against a tree. Really romantic.
That went on, and he lived in my dorm, and he had his own room. He’s like, “Why don’t you ever sleep in my room?” I’m like, “Because I’m gay. I’m gay.” I didn’t say that. Then finally, I was just like, “I can’t anymore.”
Recently, I was doing a gig, and his wife showed up. It was in Florida. She came up to me and said, “I’m Phillip’s wife.” I’m like, “Oh my God.” All I kept thinking about is, “You! That big fucking dick is inside of you all the time!”
And she was like, “It’s so nice to meet you.” I’m like, “He made me gay.” No, I didn’t say that. I wanted to say that.
Marc
“I’ve been running from his cock for thirty years.”
Judy
Yeah, exactly. Oh my God, it was so big.
That was my straight experience. I never slept with another guy, it was so unnatural to me.
DAN SAVAGE
I lost my virginity in a three-way with a guy and a girl. I was fifteen, and they were in their twenties. Technically, it was statutory rape. I was totally down with it.
It was a camping trip. It was my brother’s ex-girlfriend and some guy she was messing around with. They approached me, and it happened. I do not know why it is so hard to talk about it. He had sex with her, and then I had sex with her. My first was sloppy seconds. I watched him do it, and thought, “Okay, I can do that.” I had to close my eyes and pretend she was Leif Garrett or Andy Gibb or something.
I could not touch him. I knew I was gay, and I thought, “If I touch him, he is going to realize I am gay, and he is going to stop what he is doing and kill me. He will stop what he is doing and beat me up,” because I saw him naked, and fucking.
I was fucking her and it was taking a while, because it is hard to pretend that she is Andy Gibb with her head on backward or whatever. I was not quite getting there, and at one point, he reached between my legs and just started playing with my balls, and I was there. That really did the trick, and it is such a closet case thinking, “Oh, he can touch me because he knows he is straight. If I touch him, he will know I am gay, and kill me.” That is the sort of shit that goes on in a kid’s head when they are in the closet. You are always worried about who can tell, and how much you are giving away, and when you are going to get busted and murdered.
I was able to perform with girls a few more times. It totally threw my family off the scent for a few years. That was the point of it, like, “Well, my mother is going to think I am straight.” Not that I would tell them, but I’d make sure the info leaked. That was the point. My brother found out. He was mad, and then he had to forgive me, like a straight older brother would.
JAMES ADOMIAN
I think I was about twelve when I realized that what people talk about as gay was me. That me liking men and stuff, that equaled gay and I was, “Holy shit!” But also, “Oh fuck! Now what?”
I beat myself up a lot. I tried to change myself. Tried to date girls.
I think we reached a nice standstill. I think all parties are happy with me leaving the girl side of things. I would go on dates with girls and fooled around a little bit. I’ve had my romances with the fairer sex.
Marc
You’ve touched a pussy.
James
I have. Man, I have. It feels weird to talk about. Have you ever touched a dick?
Marc
I’ve touched my own dick plenty.
James
No other dicks?
Marc
No dicks.
James
I’m just trying to see how far, what kind of mirror image we are of each other. I have a little more experience on the girls than you do with boys.
For me, it was, “Maybe I’m one of those guys that maybe can figure it out and make it work and I could be one of those guys.” After a while it’s, “Why am I doing this?” It took forever.
TODD GLASS—COMEDIAN, WRITER, PODCAST HOST
I always hate using the term “gay,” and that’s part of why I’ve always been sympathetic to people that don’t want to be called this anymore.
Gay. I always felt like going, “Fuck that. I’m not gay. What the fuck do I got to tell people I’m gay for? I’m not fucking gay. I’m fucking Todd Glass.”
This didn’t happen overnight. This happened twenty-five years ago when I started not being honest to who I was.
My friends from like seventh grade, I was meeting their wives. They say, “So what’s your life? You got a girlfriend? You got a boyfriend? You got this, you got that?” It was an open forum for me to say, “You guys have known me a while” and tell them. Instead I say, “I’m still with the same girl.” I get in the car, and I say to myself, “What the fuck am I doing?” I’m holding on to this to the bitter end. By the way, I probably still will in certain situations.
I’m probably never going to be able to hold someone’s hand in public the rest of my life. Anybody who says, “I think Todd’s doing that to himself.” Well, fucking think harder. This happened over forty-seven fucking years for me. That doesn’t mean I haven’t made strides to be who I am.
JAMES ADOMIAN
Most of my stand-up act I spend talking about being gay. I make a point to do that everywhere I go for the last four years or so.
The worst-case scenario is somebody yells “Faggot.” It’s happened twice. A guy interrupted me a minute into me talking about this. It wasn’t yelling at the top of his lungs, it was audible just so I could hear it from his table. “This guy is some kind of faggot,” like that. Luckily he was fat so I had something to give back to him. “You’re born gay, but you have to work really hard to get as fat as you are.” It was a conservative crowd, so I think they were on his side.