You have anti-Semitism, you have racism, but homophobia means fear of the homosexual. Where there’s fear, that can turn into violence. People who don’t like gay people are scared of them, and that can transition into violence pretty quickly.
There was a recent study where they showed people pictures of naked men, and they found out that the homophobes who are most likely to use violence, or use violent language against gay people, were those who had some increase in tumescence and blood flow to their groin while seeing naked men. It’s guys who are struggling with their sexuality who are going to go out and beat up gay guys.
The thing about being straight or gay, they’re kind of silly terms, because it’s a scale. Everyone is somewhere on the scale. I’m 23 percent gay.
Marc
Oh, you figured that out?
Sacha
Yeah, I’ve worked it out. We did all the calculations. I’m 23 percent gay.
Marc
It’s a good number.
Sacha
There’s been times when I got down to 17. I got up to 31. When I was doing Borat and I had the man’s testicles on my chin, I was up to 31.
Marc
You’ve done that in a couple of movies.
Sacha
Yeah. Exactly. It’s a theme. It’s a motif.
Everyone’s on that scale somewhere. Sexuality. It’s like being black or white. No one’s quite all black or white. Generally people are on that scale. That’s why it’s difficult for people.
JAMES ADOMIAN—COMEDIAN, ACTOR, IMPRESSIONIST
I have to tell people I’m gay often. At a certain point I just assume that people know. It can get tedious to have to tell everybody.
I’m surprised that people are still surprised because I feel I’ve been shouting about it for years and then I’m always amazed at how little I’m actually heard. My reputation does not precede me.
KUMAIL NANJIANI—COMEDIAN, ACTOR
Sometimes it is interesting when I see my people from Pakistan who are clearly gay. I’m like, “Good for you. You probably had to fight so much to get to the point where you’re wearing a scarf.” Then it’s like, “We’re not gay yet.” I definitely had kids in high school that I was like, “This guy is gay.” Some of them I’ve looked up on Facebook. Some of them have moved here and come out. A lot of them are married with kids. They’re definitely gay.
This is a thing I see a lot when I do shows in the middle of the country, like Ohio, or wherever. At some theater, the guy who’s clearly very gay and in his midforties but is married with kids and runs the local theater. That happens a lot.
ANDY RICHTER—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
My parents have been divorced for many, many years, largely because of my father’s homosexuality. That was a deal breaker, apparently. They tried to overcome it, but it just got in the way, his gayness. His gayness really got in the way.
I was four when it first happened, but it was serial drama for many, many years, and in many ways, goes on to this day. They get along as much as they get along with anybody. Honestly, at this point it’s more like a sibling relationship. My dad will still spend holidays with my mother. They’re still family in that they have children together. Even beyond that, they’re family, because my dad was my aunt’s best friend in high school, my mother’s older sister. My dad knew my mom since she was like a preteen, and then they fell in love later on. In retrospect, my aunt is the biggest fag hag in the world, and the fact that her best friend was this guy that went to a working-class high school in Springfield, Illinois, in seersucker suits and dusty bucks is hilarious.
My mom tells me stories like when he finally came out to her, she said that she thought he was cheating on her, but she didn’t have the foggiest notion that it was with men, and she said, “Right after he said it, this whole wave of memories, of incidents, of things, that I should have seen came to me.” I said, “Like what?” She says, “One time he was coming over to my house, and he was late. I got worried, he was hours late. Then he got over and he was really, really worried, and he was very upset.” This is in Springfield, Illinois. “He was driving by the train station, and he said to me, ‘You know all those men that hang out behind the train station? I pulled my car in there, because I wanted to ask them, “Why do you do these things? Why do you do this?” I just couldn’t believe that anyone would want to do that stuff. One of them got in the car with me, and then grabbed my car keys, and said, “I’m going to run away with your car keys, and you’ll be stranded here unless you give me all the money in your wallet.” I had to give him all the money in my wallet.’” That was his story, and my mom was just so upset and so sympathetic. Of course, in retrospect, he got robbed by a guy he was hoping to have some kind of suck-off party with.
She said, “Looking back at it, how could I have been so naive?” It’s like, “Well, you were born in 1940.”
I always take people at their word. Anybody that I’ve ever known who’s been closeted, or anything, if they talk about girlfriends or whatever, I’ll think, “Okay.” Then later it comes out, “Oh, they’re gay.” And everyone’s like, “You idiot, didn’t you know?” I was like, “No, because he said he had girlfriends, so I just took him at his word.” I don’t judge on that level, and I don’t give a shit. If you say you’ve got girlfriends, you’re straight. I’m not going to think about you any more than that. Whatever, I don’t have time.
JUDY GOLD
I was fifteen when I had my first encounter with a girl. It was like, “Oh my God.” It was just natural, you know what I mean? It was very natural, it was like a natural progression. It was a complete secret, it went on for a couple of years, until we graduated high school. Sneaking here, sneaking there. My mother once caught us, and she walked in the room. I’m like, “We were just playing Ouija board, what are you talking about? We were playing Ouija board, naked.”
Then I went to college. It’s so funny, because when you’re gay, you feel like you have to try to be straight. I don’t think kids feel like that anymore. But I thought, “I’ve got to at least try it with a guy.”
I had a boyfriend, and he was six four, he was about 120 pounds, and he hated food. I was like, “I fucking love food.” He would eat a plain cheese sandwich, he’s like, “I only eat because I have to.” He would drive the car without the radio on. He was a complete opposite of me.
He looked like Mick Jagger, and he had a huge penis. It was like, everyone knew him, because he had this huge penis. It was like ten inches long. Rip you apart at the seams. I lost my virginity to him.
I hated it. It was so unnatural to me. I didn’t hate him. He was like my brother. It was like a member of my family, just really boring, and tall.
Before I lost my virginity, I said, “You have to take me to dinner and I don’t want to do it in the dorms.” We went to a motel. Like the ones where when the father kidnaps the kids, and then he closes the curtain, he’s in there.
We go to this motel, and we do it. I hated even making out, the whole thing was unnatural, like, “I can’t believe I have to do this.” Then we do it. I hate it. It’s just awful.