But what is everything? I don’t know.
The perfectly made-up flight attendant bends next to me. “Only a few minutes until our descent into Heathrow. Is there anything you need?”
My sanity, please.
I shake my head and she’s gone, and before long, we’re walking into the busy airport. Dare’s hand is on my elbow, and even though I don’t want to, I shake it away.
His mouth is tight and he leans into my ear.
“You’re not safe, Calla. Whether you like it or not, you have to stay with me right now.”
I’m dumbfounded and he takes my elbow and I let him.
I’m not safe.
I’m in a fog as we walk to a tall man in a black chauffeur’s uniform waiting on the edge of the corridor. He’s got gray hair and a bulbous nose, and his face is thin and stern, but I see a flicker of warmth when he sees me. He looks at Dare, though, and his face cools.
“Mr. DuBray,” he nods as we approach, and for a second, I think he has mistaken us for someone else. But Dare answers.
“I hope the car is nearby, Jones. We’re exhausted.”
The man’s mouth presses firmly together. “It’s right outside, sir.” And somehow, I feel like he resents Dare. But he still takes our bags and we follow him outside to where a sleek black limousine waits. It’s long and glitzy and I’ve never been in a limousine before. My eyes widen.
What kind of family am I from?
To date, I’ve been solidly middle-class with a mortician for a father. We live in a funeral home and Finn and I have been the butt of a million jokes in school. We’ve been surrounded by death, isolated on the top of a mountain, freaks.
But here… here… I think it might be different.
Maybe.
“You must be Calla,” Jones observes as he takes my bag. I nod.
“Yes.”
“You look just like your mother,” he tells me, and there is warmth for a second in his eyes, and I swallow hard because I miss her, because I’d do anything if she could just be here with me right now. “Welcome to England.”
“Thank you,” I murmur as he opens my door, then loads our suitcases into the trunk.
As the car pulls away from the curb, I close my eyes and press my forehead to the window, trying to force it all to fade away.
I’m not alone.
I didn’t lose my mother and brother.
I don’t have to give up the man I love.
I try hard to will it away.
But I know from experience it won’t work, from the million times I’ve tried it in school, to try and hide myself from sneers and taunts.
It never worked then, and it doesn’t work now.
I’m still here in England, I’m still alone, I’m not safe from something, although I don’t know from what. The man I love is next to me, but he might as well be a million miles away… because I can’t trust him anymore. Because my mind is fragile, and even I know it.
So since I can’t make it all fade away, I focus on the good points.
I’m going somewhere quiet, somewhere away from the sadness. I’ll be able to focus, to repair myself, to get answers.
I’m driving away from the airport in luxury. I pause at this.
If Finn were here, he’d be agog at the glitz of this car, at the fancy bottled water sitting in ice just for us, or the rolled up towels in a little steamer. We’ve never been pampered like this before, and with a lump in my throat, I decide it’s not fair that Finn isn’t here.
Because he’ll never be pampered like this now.
If Finn can’t use this stuff, then I won’t either.
I resist the water and the towels, and the tiny chocolate mints. I won’t have any of it.
I open my eyes, watching out the window as the bustle of the city turns into the quiet of the country.