“You were here for me,” I tell him. “I remember that much. You were here for me all along.”
Dare shakes his head. “No. That’s not true. I came here for a reason, then that reason changed and it was you. I swear on my mother’s life.”
“Your mother is dead,” I point out starkly. “And so is mine. And I’m supposed to just believe you now?”
Dare sighs, a ragged and broken sound. He tries to touch my hand, but I yank it away. He doesn’t get to touch me. Not anymore.
“You don’t understand,” he says quietly.
I stare at him. “No, I don’t.” And you have no idea what this feels like.
“You will,” he replies tiredly. “I swear to God you will.”
A lump lodges itself in my throat as the sea breeze rustles my hair. I take a deep gulp of it, filling my lungs with the clean scent.
“Did you ever love me at all?” I ask, the words choking me, because no matter what, it’s the most important thing to me right now.
Pain flashes across Dare’s face, real pain, and I brace myself.
Don’t.
Don’t.
Don’t.
Don’t hurt me.
“Of course I did,” he says quickly and firmly. “And I do still. Right now.”
He stares at me imploringly and I so want to believe him. I want to hear his words and clutch them to my heart and keep them there in a gilded cage.
But then he speaks again. “You’re not safe, Calla. You have to come with me now. There’s something you need to know.”
I’m frozen, petrified by my circumstances. Go with him to Whitley? With a person I don’t even know anymore, with a person I think I should be afraid of? Confusion consumes me and nothing seems real.
Nothing but two things.
I have to admit that I do feel the danger. It crackles around me, everywhere. It’s here for me. I just don’t know why.
You’re not safe, Calla.
And of course, Dare. He’s here, he’s real, and I love him.
But.
I can’t trust him.
I can’t trust anything.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whisper jaggedly. “I want to hate you, Dare, for lying to me. But I can’t.” I’m too confused, and he’s my anchor.
He grabs my arm and pulls me to him, resisting my struggles, and then I’m limp.
Because here, surrounded by his scent and his warmth and his strength… this is where I belong. How can I argue with that?
“You belong right here, with me,” he tells me, his lips moving against my hair. “You don’t hate me, Calla. You can’t. I didn’t lie to you. I tried to tell you.”
His voice is afraid, terrified actually, and it touches a soft place in me, a hidden place, the place where I protect my love for him. The place where my heart used to be before it was so broken.
“You’re my own personal anti-Christ,” I whisper into his shirt. His hands stroke my hair frantically, trailing down my back and clutching me to him. “Why can’t you just tell me everything right now?”
“Because I can’t,” he rasps. “Because things are complicated, and unless you uncover it yourself, you’ll think I’m a monster. I love you, Calla. I will protect you. You just have to trust me.”
I yank back now, grasping at my courage and my strength. “Trust you? You must be joking.”
He’s surprised, and I’m shattered as I sprint down the beach, my feet sinking in the wet sand, the wind whipping my hair.
I love Dare, more than anything, but I can’t trust him. The only person I’ve ever been able to truly trust is dead.
I need my brother.
I need Finn.
I race up the trail, into my house, and up to my brother’s room.
It’s exactly like he left it.
I sink to my heels just inside the door.
The walls close in on me, four of them and the ceiling, coming closer, swallowing me, crushing me. I cover my ears and rock back and forth because amid everything, I still hear my brother’s voice.
It’ll be ok. It’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.
I can’t keep hearing voices.
Not even Finn’s.
I can’t.
I can’t.
I’m sane, Goddamnit.