“Let me help you, tell me what I can do,” I said, placing my hands on his shoulders.
He moved his hands from his face and for the first time since I came to him, he really looked at me. I wasn’t an object or someone who stood in his way. I was his sunshine.
Sunshine.
“I’m tired,” he murmured, defeated.
Dropping to my knees, I took his hands and urged him onto the floor with me. I leaned my back against the toddler bed and patted my lap.
“Lay your head down,” I said.
He looked at me skeptically, before maneuvering himself onto the floor and wrapped his arms around my waist as he rested his head on my lap. I glanced down at him, ran the back of my hand over the stubble that lined his jaw and bent my head to press a kiss on my wounded warrior.
“Close your eyes,” I whispered against his lips.
“Like looking at you,” he mumbled. “Look like an angel sent to rescue the devil,” he added.
“You’re no devil, Jack,” I stated. “Close your eyes,” I repeated, as I ran my fingers through his hair. “Dream of your boy,” I said, clearing my throat before I started to sing a lullaby. I meant to sing it to the man who needed healing, but I sang it to both the man haunted and the son lost, hoping that sweet boy heard my voice.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,” I sang softly, watching as Jack struggled to keep his eyes open, slowly letting them close.
“In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me. When I awake my poor heart pains. So when you come back and make me happy, I’ll forgive you dear, I’ll take all the blame,” I hummed the tune softly, forgetting the rest of the words and when his breathing labored and sleep fell upon him I sang the chorus again, whispering in his ear how much I loved him.
Today I believed in God.
I stared into the green eyes of the young man wearing the baseball hat, the smile on his face temporarily repairing my heart that’s been broken since the day he left this world. Then he said the words that would permanently heal my soul.
“I’m okay, Dad,” he whispered. “I’m safe now.”
He turned around and walked into the light beckoning him away from me as I heard the faint sound of a woman’s voice as she sang the sweetest lullaby.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…
Chapter Twenty-Three
I opened my eyes, blinked against the darkness and tried to focus. I was laying on the floor in Junior’s room, my head in Reina’s lap and hers perched against the toddler bed. I was hurting all over, and I could only imagine how she must’ve felt. Carefully, I moved off her, my limbs like lead as I sat up. I reached out and brushed away the hair from her face and swallowed against the lump lodged in my throat before I moved to sit beside her. I glanced around my boy’s room, trying to filter through the fog and recall my actions from the night before. It was like holding my head under water, trying to breathe.
Bits and pieces came to me, the cemetery, the holes in the wall downstairs, sitting in the chair watching Jack blow out the candles on his first birthday cake. I remembered holding the gun to my temple and then she came—pulling me slowly away from my hell and bringing me back to life. I looked back at her and couldn’t help but wonder why she stayed. Why she didn’t run for the fucking hills when she saw the destruction I was capable of.
I repositioned myself, gently lifting her into my arms and carried her toward my bedroom. I hadn’t brought a woman into my home since Connie. Sure as hell never brought someone into my bed, but Reina belonged in my bed. She belonged in my home and she belonged in my fucking life. Anyone who could put up with my shit deserved a goddamn medal. She deserved more. She deserved anything I could give her.
She barely stirred as I laid her down on my bed. I felt something tug inside of me, an unfamiliar yearning, and as I brought the covers up her body I realized what it was. I wanted to take care of Reina. Not because she was mourning my brother, not because she was some damsel in distress but because she was strong enough not to need someone to take care of her. She most likely didn’t even realize her strength or her courage—she just pushed through, kept moving forward whenever something tried dragging her down.
She sighed, stretching her body before her eyes fluttered open and groggily met mine.
Realization must’ve set in because her features became more alert as she sat up and studied me closely, concern etched into her face.
“Hey,” she whispered, reaching out and touching my cheek. “You okay?”
I lifted my hand, wrapping it around her wrist and offered her a smile as I nodded.
“Yeah, Sunshine, I’m all right,” I assured her, taking her hand from my face and lacing our fingers together. “You’re tired, why don’t you get some rest?” I asked huskily.
“Jack…”