“Is it really you?” I asked the teenager.
“It’s really me, Dad,” he confirmed. Then the smile fell from his face and he glanced down toward his feet as he whispered the words that broke the rest of my shattered heart.
“Miss you, Dad.”
I reached for him, desperate to hold him, to touch, to feel the child I loved in my arms.
But he faded before my very eyes.
“Jack,” I screamed into the darkness.
I jolted awake, sitting up, my eyes trying to focus in the dark searching for my son, only to realize I had been dreaming. I released a ragged breath, fighting back the emotions that tormented me, and ran my fingers through my hair.
What I wouldn’t give for just one more day.
I dropped my head back against my pillow, turning slightly and stared at Reina. She was sleeping on her belly, her face turned toward me. I flipped onto my side, moving her hair away from her face and watched as she slept.
So peaceful.
So beautiful.
Mine.
My fingertips traveled down the length of her over my leather vest she still wore. I was losing what was left of my mind. That was the only logical explanation for why I made her wear it, why I never wanted her to take the fucking thing off. My hands traveled down to her hip where fire tortured her skin. I recalled the apprehension in her eyes as I kissed her there, my fingers working the scars, trying to erase them from her memory.
They were horrific, tragic, but it was no lie when I said they were beautiful. How could something that told the story of how this woman became mine not be beautiful? I don’t know what it was about her, but there was no controlling the need burning deep inside. The need to be her man, the person she turns to, the one she chooses for herself.
I have no business wanting those things from her. None at all. I’m going to lose her. I’m sure of it. Blackie is right—Reina is deep under my skin. I knew she’d wreck me, that she’d ruin me. A man like me can’t have sunshine—not when he’s destined to wander in the darkness until the devil calls him home. But there was no turning back now.
I leaned over her and pressed my lips to the top of her head.
“You…” I whispered into her hair, leaving the rest of the sentence where it belonged. In my head. In my heart.
I pulled the covers over her body and quietly climbed out of bed, bending down to pick up my clothes. I peeked through the slotted blinds and was greeted by the dawn of a new day.
The day that tortured my soul, year after year.
Fifteen years ago my life changed on this day.
Fifteen years ago my heart became complete.
And for the last thirteen years, this day, is the day I dread.
I moved away from the window and walked into the bathroom to wash up. I emerged from the bathroom, changing my t-shirt and sat on the chair in the corner of my room, pulling on my boots when I heard a light knock on the door. I lifted my eyes to the door, then back to Reina. I stood, walked over to the bed and bent down for a kiss, careful not to wake her. My gaze lingered on her as something unfamiliar erupted inside my chest. I chalked it up to having her in my bed, wearing my cut, a mix of the two screwing with my emotions. I liked what I saw. I liked having her in my bed, pretending I was hers.
I was a twisted son of a bitch.
I walked around the bed to my nightstand and opened the drawer, lifted my gun and stared at it like it was a foreign object. I made sure it was loaded before tucking it into the back of my jeans. I moved to close the drawer and my eyes zeroed in on the orange prescription bottle.
Not today.
I slammed the draw shut as another knock sounded on the door. I moved quickly so whoever was on the other end wouldn’t wake Reina. Pulling open the door I came face to face with Blackie
“We need to talk,” he announced.
I brought my finger to my lips, silencing him as I glanced over my shoulder, looking at the woman in my bed one last time, fighting the urge to wake her and lose myself in her again. I stepped outside the bedroom and closed the door behind me.
Blackie’s eyes narrowed as they traveled the length of me.
“Not going to do this with you, Blackie. I suggest you quit while you’re ahead,” I threatened.
He held his hands up in mock defeat, his bloodshot eyes dull as they glared into mine.
“Got bigger fish than that,” he said, tipping his chin toward the door. “Jimmy called,” he sneered. “It’s show time motherfucker. Get your saddle ready.”
I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him away from the hallway, not wanting to risk Reina waking and overhearing anything.
“Downstairs,” I growled.
He mumbled something inaudible but did as he was told and I followed him down the stairs into the common room.
“He called you?” I questioned.
“Tried calling you but your phone was off,” he accused, pausing for a beat as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “He wants to meet today,” he added.