I matter. Not what I can do. Not what I can provide. Just me. I’ve wanted to hear that from him. It’s another realization that I didn’t know I’d buried.
“Why would someone like me ever matter to someone like you?” I’ve asked him variations of this before and always gotten some glib answer. I could use glib right now. Maybe it’s the windows, maybe it’s my dad, but it feels like darkness is closing in all around me.
Milo sucks in his lower lip, releases it slowly. “Because you’re broken.”
“That’s not any reason to want someone.”
“It is though. Because I’m broken too.” He angles closer. “Maybe my scars recognized yours. Maybe pain is like a magnet and it pulled us together.”
I smile and Milo sees it, bends to me. One hand cradles the back of my head. One hand touches the edge of my jaw. It’s so gentle . . . it makes me grab him harder.
Milo kisses me like he’s missed me, and I hold on to him like I’m lost.
It takes Hart two days to coordinate the security side. Norcut doesn’t loop me in, and I’m half expecting a team of super-conspicuous rent-a-cops to meet me in the elevator lobby, but it’s just Hart. For the first time, his suit’s gone, replaced by pressed jeans and a tucked-in polo shirt.
“What?” he asks as I come closer. “I wanted to fit in.”
“Oh yeah, totally.” I’m nodding like that makes sense, but I can’t stop staring at the tiny monogram on his right pocket. A monogram. That’s fitting in.
Hart punches the down button. “Do you need anything else?”
“Me.” Milo appears at the hallway turn. Sunlight slants behind him, turning his body into a shadow. Milo’s walk is long and loose and doesn’t stop until we’re toe to toe. “She needs me.”
I cock one eyebrow, but Milo only leans closer. The elevator dings. “After you,” I say as Hart swears under his breath. When we reach the parking deck, there’s another black town car waiting for us, running. The driver tosses Hart the keys, ducking his head lower as he passes us.
It feels weird, like all the support staff isn’t supposed to acknowledge our existence. I can’t figure out why that would be a rule.
“You go in the front with me,” Hart says, hiking a thumb in my direction. “You’re in the rear, Milo. I can trust you to watch for a tail, right?”
“A what?”
“You’re not funny.”
Milo smirks. “She thinks I’m funny.”
And it’s sad, but I do. I hop into the front seat before either of them can see my smile though. Hart flips on a pair of sunglasses and floors it across the parking garage. The gate’s barely up before he’s rolling the car through.
We’re doing sixty on the side street. By the time he reaches the interstate, we’re clipping along at seventy . . . and then eighty. It’s hard to gauge Hart’s mood, but judging from the way he glances from rearview mirror to side-view mirror, he’s expecting company.
“Are you worried something’s going to happen again?” I ask, and it’s a little softer, a little more scared than the way I’d planned it in my head.
Hart glances at me, tries for a smile. “I’m always worried something’s going to happen again. I don’t think you should be doing this.”
“Why?”
Hart’s fingers flex. “It could set you off,” he says at last, and there’s something about the way his tone tips lower that catches me.
He sounds honestly concerned.
“I promised you we would move forward, Wick. This is going backward. This is stupid if Michael’s trying to draw you into the open.”
I nod. “But you’re doing it anyway.”
“She’s the boss,” Hart says, lifting his eyes to the rearview mirror. Is he looking behind us? Or at Milo? I can’t tell.
“Dr. Norcut said Looking Glass was providing security to my family. Do you know anything about it?”
“Yeah, I handled it.”
“So . . . could you tell me what you organized?”
“Worried I don’t know what I’m doing?”
Yes and it’s unfair of me. He probably knows way more than I do. He damn sure has better resources. But it’s my family, my sister, and I need to say something and I have nothing.
Hart sighs. “It’s fine, Wick. I promise. If we have time after this, I’ll drive you by, okay?”
I nod.
“Good. I want this to be fast. You know where you want to look, right?”
“Not really.” And I hate admitting it. “I figure we could just scope the whole place together. I know it’s pretty broad, but there are three of us and we know how people hide stuff. If the message was sent from Joe’s, maybe the equipment will still be there.”
One corner of Hart’s mouth tilts in a smile. “Isn’t that the truth.”
“Hey, Hart.” I push against the seat and keep my eyes trained on the passing buildings. “If this goes well, can I call my sister?”
I can’t tell if Hart looks at me, but judging from the silence, I’m guessing he does.
“Find something good for Norcut, Wick, and there’s no telling what you’ll get in return.”
16