While she was no longer bearing the weight of her secret alone, there was no denying the stab of guilt she felt when she was with Gemma. Yesterday when she’d driven Jed to his attorney’s office she’d felt guilty for keeping secrets from him, too. One thing at a time. She’d resolved to keep her past to herself until after the wedding, but the wedding was still weeks away. Even though they’d had fun last weekend with the wedding cake tasting and work was going well, Crystal couldn’t fight the uncomfortable feelings building up inside her. How could she be Gemma’s maid of honor knowing she’d deceived her? Knowing Gemma thought she’d been sleeping around before she got together with Bear? She wanted Gemma to understand just how special Bear was, and for that to happen, she needed to be honest.
Mentally debating that situation, she pushed through the doors to the stockroom Wednesday afternoon, pulling the costume rack for their next party. Despite a minor meltdown by a four-year-old, their first party of the day had gone off without a hitch, and the hours had flown by. Their new warrior princess costume had gone over well with both the parents and most of the little girls, although two of the girls had chosen the frilliest, laciest costumes they offered. That had prompted Gemma to ask Crystal to design a costume highlighting those two elements.
“I’ve got it,” Gemma said from behind the counter. “We can design a pink and white costume like the old-time Victorian dresses. They have frills and lace. We can do entire themes and parties based on the Victorian era.”
She was so excited about their recent success, and about Bear and Crystal, that Crystal’s happy flutter was once again overridden by guilt. “Brilliant. Those dresses will take much longer to make than this.” She waved at her warrior princess outfit. “But we can definitely make them.”
She’d made two more costumes, and Gemma had begun spreading the word with an article in the boutique’s newsletter. Tru had been making up fairy tales for the kids since the night he’d rescued them, and he made up a fantastic story to go along with each costume for the newsletter. They already had orders trickling in. It felt good to see their hard work growing into something bigger.
Crystal parked the rack by the dressing rooms, trying to muster the courage to talk with Gemma.
“You have that look on your face again,” Gemma said.
“What look is that?” She joined her by the register and checked her cell phone for messages, smiling at the selfie Bear had sent of him and Lincoln.
“The cat-that-ate-the-canary look.” She peered over Crystal’s shoulder at the picture. “Our boys sure are cute.”
“The cutest.” Crystal shoved her phone beneath the counter as Gemma answered the boutique phone. Crystal motioned toward the back room and mouthed, I’ll get the other rack.
Gemma held up her finger and shook her head, then spoke into the phone. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Okay. No problem. Sure. Let us know when you have a date. Thanks for calling.” She hung up and said, “Our afternoon is clear. That was the Patricks. They had to cancel. The birthday girl fell and chipped her tooth. They’re on their way to the dentist’s office.”
“Ouch. That poor girl.” Crystal took it as a sign, and steeled herself to come clean to Gemma, at least about her supposed long list of one-night stands. “I’m glad we have the afternoon off. I wanted to talk to you.”
Gemma’s face grew serious. “I think I know what you want to say.”
“You know?” Her heart sank. Could Bear have said something to Tru and he told Gemma? She’d cleaned out a dresser drawer for him to keep a few things at her apartment, and he’d done the same for her at his house. They’d also stocked his house with kitty paraphernalia, because where they slept, so did their little purring girl. Except for the nights when Bear bartended, they were practically living together. He and Tru could have gotten to talking about how much things had changed and something about her past might have slipped out. Although Bear was so careful about what had happened, she couldn’t imagine him making that mistake.
“Well, I assumed,” she said with a smile. “You and Bear really have been hooking up for longer than you wanted me to believe, right? I know you said that wasn’t the case, but I’ve been over this so many times, and every time I see you two together, it feels like there’s a lot more there.”
“Nope.” She took Gemma’s hand and led her to the table in the back of the store. “Sit.”
“Uh-oh,” Gemma said as she sat down. “Crys, are you pregnant?”
“If only it were that simple.” She sat across from Gemma. “You know all those times I said I was hooking up with guys?”
“You’re pregnant and you don’t know who the father is? Ohmygod.” Gemma covered her mouth with her hand.
“Stop. I’m not pregnant. And up until last week, there would be no way for me to be pregnant.” She was so nervous her words came too fast and too harsh, but she couldn’t stop them. “I never had those one-night stands. I never had most of the dates, either.”
“Come on,” Gemma said with a half-smile, half-confused expression. “It’s not like I’m going to tell Bear. Geez, is that why you’ve been looking so worried for the past few weeks? You’re afraid I’ll tell him about your trysts?”
Crystal rose to her feet and paced. “No, Gemma. I’ve never slept with anyone except Bear since before I left college.”
“What?” Gemma pushed to her feet. “Why would you lie about that?”
The hurt and confusion in her eyes stopped Crystal cold. She’d only wanted to tell her about the fake hookups, but it was unfair to try to skirt around the truth. She should have waited until after the wedding, but there was no turning back now.
“Because I was afraid. When I met you I had been in Peaceful Harbor for only a few weeks, and I was afraid to tell you about my past.” She turned away, crossing her arms over her chest, as emotions swamped her. “I was afraid of my past.”
“Crystal,” Gemma said gently. “I don’t understand.” She came to her side, as empathetic as ever, which made it that much harder for Crystal to tell her the truth.
“What happened that you were afraid to tell me?” Gemma asked.
“Not you specifically. Anyone.” She wrung her hands together, trying to fight her mounting panic. This anxiety had nothing to do with what she had to reveal and everything to do with how hurt Gemma would be when she realized how much Crystal had kept from her. When she met Gemma’s gaze, tears filled her eyes.
“I’m sorry. You’re my best friend in the world, and I never should have lied to you about anything.”
Gemma reached for her hand. “Crystal, what happened? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. How can I help?”
Her compassion only made Crystal cry harder. “I’m not crying because of what happened. Or maybe I am a little. I just hate that I lied to you. You, of all people. You know what it’s like to have a messed-up family, and you loved me even when I was bitchy and you thought I was sleeping around.” She laughed through her tears, because the whole thing was crazy. Who pretended to sleep around?
The answer stung as much as the lies. The girl who doesn’t want to get close to anyone.