Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘I mean, it isn’t like I’m dating one of your teachers or anything. I turned down that truant officer at your school …’ Mom said.

‘These teddy bear types really like you,’ Digby said.

‘Ew,’ I said.

‘Okay, ladies. Now that everyone knows everything … to be continued? You know, after all us good guys are safely away from the bomb?’ Digby said.

‘Did you say “bomb”?’ Mom said.

‘Let’s just do this.’ I picked up Cooper’s feet and we continued out of the basement. I didn’t feel that bad when, at the top of the stairs, I was slow in turning and Cooper’s side scraped (painfully, I’m sure) across the doorjamb.

The argument in the living room got louder as we crept up the stairs. Ezekiel was begging Zillah not to shoot him. The urgency in his voice was infectious and hustled us along. Finally, we were back at the window.

Mom and I silently contemplated the task of getting an unconscious 250-pound man down a tree.

‘You first, then I pass him to you?’ I said.

‘Right.’ Mom didn’t sound confident, but she climbed onto the branch anyway, braced herself, and held out her arms.

Digby and I passed Cooper over and I climbed onto the limb. It was an ugly ride down, but after one close call where a branch that caught him in a nut shot was the only thing that prevented him doing a twenty-foot pile-driver straight to the ground, I think he should be grateful just to be alive.

Once we got Cooper down, I realized the reason it had been so difficult was that Digby hadn’t been helping us. I’d assumed Digby was right behind us the whole time, but he was still in the house. And I knew why. Ezekiel’s taunt before he locked us in the basement. I couldn’t blame Digby for wanting to know what Ezekiel knew about Sally.

‘Mom, call the police. Tell them to bring the bomb squad. Tell ’em to bring everybody,’ I said.

‘Where are you going?’ Mom grabbed my arm.

‘Just go, Mom. Don’t worry. I’ll be right there.’

‘Are you crazy? You’re coming with me.’

‘Mom, just go. Call 911 or we’ll all die. I’m just going to wait here to make sure I see if anyone leaves.’ When Mom didn’t move, I shoved her and said, ‘The sooner you call the cops …’

She finally staggered off with Cooper. Would it be horribly inconsistent if I told you I judged her for actually listening to me and letting me stay?

I snuck toward the living room window, kept my head low, and peeked over the windowsill.

There were four of them in the room: Zillah, Ezekiel bowed down before Zillah’s gun, and two gun-toting men backing her up. Ezekiel begged in the please-oh-please way, but it was clear Zillah didn’t care. She’d already made him stand on a tarp.

Then, suddenly, Digby sauntered in and plopped down on the couch in the middle of the action. Everyone froze.

‘But first, ask him where he put it,’ Digby said.

Zillah’s thug motioned Digby to join Ezekiel on the plastic.

‘No, thanks. I’m comfortable here,’ Digby said. ‘Whatever you think you’re moving, he’s already taken it.’

Zillah’s head involuntarily turned to a steamer trunk in the middle of the room.

‘Check it,’ Digby said.

Zillah unlocked the trunk and triumphantly lifted a bound bundle of bills.

‘Look again,’ Digby said.

Zillah’s face darkened when she did. Only the top bill was green. The rest were blank pieces of paper.

‘It’s one thing to steal product. That I can cover up. But do you have any idea what they’d do to you – to me – if this money goes missing, Ezekiel?’

‘Ohhhh … ‘ Digby pointed at Zillah. ‘The money isn’t yours …’ Digby pointed at Ezekiel. ‘That’s why he couldn’t just steal it. Ask him how he’s getting it out of here.’

‘You have all the answers today. Why don’t you tell me?’ Zillah said.

‘He’s going to put it in the ambulance he stole and drive out of here during the excitement,’ Digby said. ‘Straight down to Mexico.’

‘To Mexico?’ Zillah shrieked with laughter. ‘You were going to Mexico? You really are too stupid to live. Who d’you think this belongs to? I’d like to see how long you’d live if you really went to Mexico.’

‘But everyone’d probably think he died in the explosion,’ Digby said.

‘Explosion?’ Zillah said.

‘Oh, yeah. The basement’s wired,’ Digby said. ‘Whole house is going to blow.’

‘Show me.’ Zillah grabbed Ezekiel and pushed him. Both tripped on the tarp on the way out.

Digby was left in the room with just the two thugs.

Now’s my chance, I thought. I picked up a rake leaning against the wall. Then I thought, My chance to do what, exactly?

Which brings me back to where I started: standing outside a house that’s about to explode, trying to figure out the best way to get back in.





TWENTY-EIGHT