Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘Eve,’ she said.

‘Nice to meet you, Eve,’ Digby said.

Eve pointed at me. ‘You live next door. Amber put your mom in the basement. Because she and the policeman were peeking in through the window. I saw the whole thing.’

‘I know. I was just in the basement,’ I said.

‘Amber’s not really religious, you know,’ Eve said. ‘Are you going to put her in jail?’

‘You want us to?’ Digby said.

‘She belongs in jail. She does lots of bad stuff. I know they’re bad because I saw it on Hawaii Five-O,’ Eve said. ‘Plus, she slapped Maddie for crying for her mom.’

‘Where are your moms?’ Digby said.

‘All over. Amber watches us when our parents are traveling for work. Hers is in Philadelphia. Maddie’s mom was in Chicago. Amber says she’s our mom while we’re here,’ Eve said. ‘But she’s nothing like a mom.’

By then, Digby had checked all their arms. ‘Are there any other little girls in the house?’

‘They left yesterday,’ Eve said.

‘What are you looking for?’ I said. ‘Why are you putting Post-its on their arms?’

‘My sister had a birthmark on her arm.’

Of course, that made no sense since all these girls were way too young to be his sister, but I got it. He needed to look.

To Eve, Digby said, ‘We need to get Zoe’s mom out before Amber sees we’re gone. Can you get us to the basement without anyone seeing?’

‘Even Ezekiel? Ezekiel has keys to the whole house,’ Eve said.

‘Especially Ezekiel,’ I said.

‘Yes, I can,’ Eve said.

‘But I want you all to come with us, okay?’ Digby said. ‘You can come back later, but it’s safer for you outside the house right now.’

‘What about the boys?’ I said.

‘They’re packing up the shed,’ Eve said.

‘So they’re out of the house?’ When Eve nodded, Digby said, ‘Okay, now can you show us how to get to the basement?’

It didn’t feel great entrusting our lives to a little girl, but off we went down the hall.

How we weren’t busted by all the creaking floorboards, I don’t know. On the way down, I saw us in the mirror by the stairs: Digby, me, and the train of little girls. We looked like Peter Pan and Wendy leading out the Lost Boys. Then I saw my skirt of scraggly feathers and realized I was less Wendy and more tumble-dried Tinker Bell.

When we reached the landing, I knew why we hadn’t been discovered. Angry shouting came from the sitting room beside the front door.

Eve pointed at a door near the base of the stairs. ‘The basement.’

‘Okay,’ Digby said. ‘We’ll go back to the second floor and get you out the window there.’

On the second floor, Digby helped the girls climb onto a tree outside. Soon, the branches were covered in kids swinging down to the ground.

After they were all safe, Digby said, ‘Last chance, Princeton. You really want your mom back?’

‘Shut up.’

‘Because this’d be a great opportunity to get rid of her …’

‘Just hurry.’

We crept back downstairs. The shouting was still in full force. The slide bolt across the basement door was fastened with an intimidating padlock. Digby took out a black roll-up pouch that unfurled to reveal a weird collection of doodads.

‘We need the right-sized shims.’ He thumbed through tab-shaped cutouts made from Coke cans. He inserted two shims where the shackle entered the lock and jiggled them until it unlocked with a click. ‘The Internet’s a fascinating place.’

I followed him down the basement stairs.

When we were halfway down, Mom yelled in a scared, high-pitched voice, ‘Zillah, you crazy bitch, let me out of here!’

‘Mom, it’s me,’ I said.

‘Zoe?’ she said.

‘Yeah. Digby’s here too,’ I said.

‘You kids get out of here. That crazy Zillah is –’

‘We know, Mom.’

‘And Mike’s here. Officer Cooper,’ she said.

‘We know, Mom.’

Digby rummaged around, found a length of pipe, and used it to pry the padlock open.

The three of us wrestled Cooper’s unconscious body to the stairs. Mom and Digby took one arm each and I ended up with the legs. Cooper went up the stairs facedown, Superman style.

‘Hey, Princeton, you figure it out yet?’ Digby said.

‘Huh?’ I said.

‘What your mom’s doing with Cooper,’ Digby said.

Of course I knew. Somewhere, deep in my jumbled mind, I’d cataloged the pumpkin seeds in the trash, Mom’s sudden and profound vegetarianism, and her giving up drugstore makeup because of animal cruelty. But this was the first time these facts had presented themselves to be added up. I dropped Cooper’s feet.

Digby and Mom lunged forward so Cooper wouldn’t slide down the stairs.

‘Nice timing, kid,’ Mom said.

‘You’d rather she realized it after we get out this door?’ Digby said.

‘Honey, I tried to tell you, but you said –’

‘Let’s talk later, Mom,’ I said.