Trouble is a Friend of Mine

Felix checked Dusty’s pulse again. ‘Nope. Still alive. But if he wasn’t concussed before, he is now. He needs a doctor.’


‘But how can we leave Marina in there? With that guy?’ Sloane said. ‘Who was a creep. He tried to kiss me! Anyway, let’s get her out.’ The words gushed from her. There was something extra behind the usual shouty rah-rah of her inner cheerleader.

‘Um … she’s not blinking. Like, at all,’ I said.

Digby grabbed Sloane’s face. It looked like he was going in for a kiss.

‘Dude. I’m right here,’ Henry said.

‘Criminal, get any closer and I’ll knee you in the balls,’ Sloane said.

‘What’s up, princess? Not exciting enough for you?’ Digby said. ‘Pupils blown big as dishes, you’re panting, it’s fifty degrees out, and you have a sweat mustache.’

‘I do not.’ Sloane wiped her upper lip.

‘What’s going on?’ Henry said.

‘Your girlfriend’s high,’ Digby said.

‘She’s what?’ Henry said.

‘I’m what?’ Sloane said.

‘She’s artificially stimulated, dude,’ Digby said.

It made sense. I imagined Sloane going from diet pills in high school, binge drinking and inhaled powders in college, to clear hard liquors and prescription pills to keep it ladylike after she lands a plastic surgeon husband after graduation.

‘Looks like speed,’ Digby said.

Same thing as diet pills. I did a small fist pump.

‘Um, no, I don’t do drugs. Those things suck the pretty right out of you,’ Sloane said.

‘She looks off,’ Henry said.

‘I do feel kinda weird,’ Sloane said.

‘Hmmm … I wonder.’ Felix took Sloane’s pulse. ‘One twenty. Yup. Probably what happened.’

‘Felix. Explain,’ Digby said.

‘She twisted her ankle on the stairs and she asked if I had a painkiller …’ Felix said.

‘You gave her the pill Floyd gave you,’ Digby said.

‘By accident.’ Felix shook out a travel-sized tube of Aleve. ‘Did it look like these? Or was it more rounded?’

Sloane slapped his hand so the pills showered over us in the limo. ‘How do I know? They all look the same.’

‘I think we have our answer,’ I said.

‘She needs a doctor,’ Henry said.

‘Dusty too,’ Digby said. ‘Take them in the limo.’

‘What about you?’ Henry said.

‘I’m sticking around,’ Digby said. To me he whispered, ‘I need to get her out of there.’

Dusty sat up, lifted his forefinger like he was about to make a proclamation, and then passed out cold again.

‘That can’t be good, Henry. Get him to the hospital,’ Digby said. ‘In fact, you guys should all leave.’

Digby climbed out the limo door. I wasn’t particularly excited about trying to convince Marina to leave with us when she clearly thought she was having a ball, but the sight of Digby standing alone on the sidewalk was wrong. Then I saw something like fear momentarily flit across his face.

‘I can’t just leave him here,’ Henry said.

‘It’s okay. I’m staying,’ I said.

‘Me too,’ Felix said.

We both climbed out of the limo. Henry rolled down his window and said, ‘Wow … no need to worry then.’

‘I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything too crazy,’ I said.

Beside me, Digby tried to hide the fact that he was happy we were staying behind with him.

‘Please, I want to leave,’ Bill said.

‘Seriously, Henry. Get them out of here,’ I said.

And even though she’d used me to hang out with Digby, I still felt sorry for Bill. She hadn’t even looked us in the face when Digby, Felix, and I had climbed out of the limo.

Watching them drive away, I felt terrified. We faced a bag of guns and explosives and a violent runaway, we were downtown without a ride, and Felix’s cape was fluttering behind him in the breeze.

‘We’re dead meat,’ I said.

As usual, though, Digby had his priorities straight.

‘So, Bill’s interesting,’ Digby said.

I rolled my eyes.

‘I saw that,’ Digby said. ‘So much for sisterhood …’

‘Turns out we’ve got nothing in common,’ I said.

‘Henry and I have barely anything in common, and man … Felix!’ Digby said. ‘You and I have nothing in common, right?’

Felix shook his head.

‘We don’t fight like you girls do,’ Digby said. ‘But see, Felix likes being the brain.’

Felix nodded.

‘And Henry’s the jock, and I’m –’ Digby said.

‘The criminal and Sloane’s the princess … blah-blah-blah,’ I said. ‘What’s your point?’

‘But you and Bill are fighting over the same spot,’ Digby said.

‘And we can’t both be in the group?’ I said.

‘Come on, Zoe, even I know there can only be one one-of-the-guys girl in the group. In case you don’t know Seinfeld or That ’70s Show, teen movies tell you the same thing. EuroTrip … that’s why the drummer in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was mad …’ Felix said.

‘Wow, you watch a lot of stuff,’ Digby said.

‘Research. Dad doesn’t want me turning out like some weirdo nerd,’ Felix said.