Trouble is a Friend of Mine

By the time we found the cigarette and put out my smoldering feathers, Marina had pulled a knife from the nightstand. Henry leaped across the bed and grabbed the knife. Digby grabbed her other arm. The three of them danced around for a while.

‘What are you doing? Get that thing away from her,’ I said.

They made a few furniture-breaking swoops but made no progress.

Marina screeched for Ezekiel the whole time.

‘Can’t do it, dude. Can’t hit a girl,’ Henry said.

‘Do it. I can’t reach,’ Digby said.

‘For God’s sake.’ I smacked Marina’s face and she went limp in Digby’s arms.

‘Yeah, like I told you. She hit me just like that. But in the nads, dude,’ Digby said.

‘Isn’t that basically a vasectomy?’ Henry wasn’t kidding.

‘Do you not have Google at all?’ I said.

Digby threw Marina on the bed. ‘Get her clothes on.’

I couldn’t get her skinny jeans past her knees. ‘I miss hoochie sweats.’

Digby opened a bag he found under the TV stand. ‘Whoa …’

We left Marina half-trousered on the bed and joined Digby. In the bag were rubber-banded rolls of Mexican pesos and the road atlas from the 7-Eleven. In the dimness, it took me a second to realize there were guns in the bag. Lots of guns. And other stuff that looked like bricks of yellow PlayDoh.

‘Are those …?’ Henry said.

‘Explosives,’ Digby said.

Digby flipped one of the bricks. The label said: EXPLOSIVE PLASTIC SEMTEX-H.

‘Bad news is …’ Digby held up empty plastic wrappers with the same label. ‘Where’s the rest?’

‘That’s a lot,’ I said. ‘I mean, isn’t that a lot? Do you need a lot of this stuff?’

‘Dunno. I’m not a demolitions expert … yet …’ Digby counted the wrappers. ‘Although … twelve of anything explosive’s probably a lot.’

‘Whoa. Digby, it’s time to call the pol—’ Henry said.

‘Already dialing 911,’ Digby said.

I glanced out the window. Sloane was in the parking lot waving at us.

‘He’s coming back. What about Marina? Should we drag her out?’ I said.

‘Too late. Bathroom. Go,’ Digby said.

We hustled into the little bathroom and looked at the drop from the window to the alley.

Henry whistled. ‘That’s a broken ankle at least.’

Digby looked up and down the alley. He texted someone.

‘Digby, do we jump?’ Henry said.

‘Wait …’ Digby said.

Ezekiel came back into the room. ‘Hey, babe? Why are the lights off?’ Ezekiel laughed. ‘You pass out putting on your pants?’ He turned on the TV. ‘Want some, babe?’ When Marina stayed passed out, he said, ‘More for me.’

We sweated it out in the bathroom until, finally, we heard a PSSST from the alley below. Felix and Sloane were below the window.

‘Hurry!’ Digby said.

Felix signed okay, ran to a wheeled Dumpster at the other end of the alley, and pushed. It didn’t move an inch. He repositioned and tried again. My heart sank when I saw his feet pedaling but the Dumpster going nowhere.

Sloane stomped down the alley in her heels and took her place beside Felix. There was metallic grinding as the two of them pushed the Dumpster until it was right below us.

‘Whoa … Sloane’s strong,’ Digby said.

‘That’s weird. Usually, she needs help opening her iced tea,’ Henry said. ‘Must be the excitement.’

Digby climbed the windowsill, about to jump, when Felix motioned for him to wait. Digby’s phone buzzed.

‘Nice. Nerds. Very useful.’ Digby handed us his phone, where we saw a page titled ‘How to Jump into a Dumpster and Live: Three Steps.’ It had a GIF of a guy doing it. ‘Straight down, aim for the middle, land on your back. Easy-peasy.’

My brain screamed. I noticed a line of sweat along Digby’s hairline and felt better about my slimy armpits.

Digby took a breath and dropped like a rock. It looked terrifying, but on the bright side, it was over in a second. He got up and fluffed the trash for the next person.

‘Zoe, you next,’ Henry said.

I climbed up, thinking of ways to stall, when Ezekiel did the horror movie thing of twisting the bathroom doorknob.

‘Hey, babe, d’you lock the bathroom?’ Ezekiel said.

All I needed to hear. I pushed off the ledge. I thought I’d have a million thoughts on the way down the way people say your life flashes before you, but really, my mind was blank. Then I landed, my arms still crossed over my chest, my skirt feathers slowly fluttering down onto me.

Digby dragged me out. I barely felt my legs under me as we ran back to the limo. Only the tap-tap-tap of my shoes told me I was moving. I didn’t even notice Henry jump down after me.

‘What about Marina? Was she there?’ Sloane said.

‘Back in the car, Sloane,’ Digby said.

When we got back, the limo’s window was shattered and Dusty was still passed out, covered in glass. Bill was crying again. ‘He grabbed me.’

‘He was probably just trying to sit up,’ I said.

‘I pushed him and he hit his head on the window … I think I killed him,’ Bill said.