Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘In my tight feathered dress. Wonderful.’


We went to the windows hidden behind the fake cityscape they set up for the formal photos and Digby gave me a boost. Halfway out, dangling ten feet above the quad on the other side, I realized that, as usual, I hadn’t thought things through. Then Digby pushed on my feet and I flew out the window.

Digby’s head poked out of the window above me. ‘You okay? Whoa … it’s pretty high.’

‘Yeah, thanks for pushing me out,’ I said. ‘Because my fear of death was preventing me from jumping out on my own.’

I remember thinking, At least my stockings are okay. But then Digby jumped. By the time he was done trampling on me, my stockings were trashed.

‘Ow! Get off me!’

We were tangled up on the ground when someone walked up.

‘You kids … Zoe Webster? Is that you?’

It was Miss Viv, our sexed-up English teacher, jingling and jangling toward us in an even lower-cut version of what she usually wore.

‘Oh-ho … and I had you down as a good girl. Sneaking out at the dance, huh?’ Miss Viv sighed. ‘Oh, my … I remember being young. Carpe diem, kids, it won’t last forever.’

‘Um … okay,’ Digby said.

‘And, Zoe, I expect your participation in class when we talk about what Juliet means when she says “lovers can see to do their amorous rites by their own beauties.” You know exactly what lovers get up to in the dark.’ Miss Viv winked and pointed to her cigarette. ‘I won’t tell if you don’t tell. Only you’ll get caught if you do it here. Go by the parking lot.’

Digby and I had accidentally gotten her to let us go and we didn’t want to blow the deal by saying the wrong thing, so we slinked off in silence.

‘Well, that was a freebie,’ Digby said.

The idling limo’s interior was flooded with a bright green neon light and the music blared as someone rapidly jumped around radio stations. Dusty was on the hood, smoking what was clearly not a regular cigarette. He giggled in between inhales.

‘Our sneaky getaway needs work.’ As we got closer, Digby called out, ‘Dusty! What are you doing?’

Dusty jumped and dropped his joint.

‘Kid, man … you just almost made me stroke out.’ Dusty looked at his hand and realized something was missing. ‘And, man, you made me drop my J.’

Dusty bent to pick it up just as the limo door flew open. There was a huge bang when it connected with Dusty’s head. Felix climbed out.

‘Wow, that was so great. Henry rolled me past everyone. No one could tell.’ Felix looked around. ‘Hey, where’s Dusty?’

Dusty was facedown behind the open door.

‘That’s weird. Is he taking a nap?’ Felix said.

Henry, Sloane, and Bill climbed out of the limo.

‘Is he dead?’ Bill said.

‘If he’s dead, can we go back to the dance?’ Sloane said.

‘Oh, no! Does that mean the hijinks are canceled?’ Felix said.

The nod Digby threw Henry said it all.

‘I’d be minus one scar and an arrest record if that were enough to cancel hijinks,’ I said.

Henry plucked Dusty’s chauffeur cap off the ground and put it on.

‘Downtown, I assume,’ Henry said.

I grabbed Dusty’s ankles and Digby took his armpits.

‘You know it’s going to be one of those nights when you start it with moving a body,’ Digby said.

Sloane stepped over Dusty on her way to the front seat. ‘Whatever. But I’m not sitting in the back with you nerds.’

‘Digby, let’s move. He’s heavy,’ I said.

‘Are we stuffing him in the trunk?’ Felix said.

‘What? No, Felix. What’s the matter with you? In the backseat,’ Digby said.

We sort of carried but mostly dragged Dusty into the car. He was totally out and didn’t wake up when we banged his head on the roof while we were shoving him in.

‘Listen,’ Digby said to Henry and me. ‘Maybe we don’t tell these guys about the whole Marina angle tonight.’

‘I thought your guys saw Ezekiel. What does this have to do with Marina?’ I said.

‘I dunno. Maybe something, maybe nothing,’ Digby said.

‘Hope it’s nothing, because Sloane wouldn’t be happy if Marina turned up tonight,’ Henry said.

We climbed in and Henry pulled out of the parking lot.

‘He looks dead,’ Bill said. Dusty slumped over her when Henry made a turn. ‘Seriously, is he dead?’

Felix put his fingers on Dusty’s neck. ‘Nope. Pulse is okay.’

‘He’s freaking me out,’ Bill said.

Digby searched his pockets and came up with googly-eyed joke glasses, which he put on Dusty.

I had to admit, ‘That’s weirdly better, actually.’

And off we drove through River Heights.





TWENTY-SIX


We got to our destination: the 7-Eleven.

Digby rapped on the partition. ‘Pull over.’