Trouble is a Friend of Mine

While I worried about what would happen if we didn’t get to Digby’s place before Musgrave did, Mom gave me Cleopatra eyeliner and blow-dried my skirt’s feathers so they puffed up like a tutu.

‘You look perfect!’ she said.

‘Uh-oh … I’m shedding.’ A feather fluttered to the floor. ‘Should I be worried?’

‘Redundancy, Zoe. I mean, you have eight pounds of feathers glued on there. You can afford to lose a few.’ Mom randomly stuffed the feather back into the nest of my skirt. ‘But … maybe don’t slide your butt across the seat when you get in and out of the car.’

Even through my Digby-induced worry haze, I could see Mom had done a great job. I figured I owed her a few minutes of normal mother-daughter post-makeover afterglow. We hugged, I agreed with her that yes, I did look very ‘fetch’, and she put on big band music and danced me around the living room. But then I got sweaty under my headband and more feathers detached from my skirt, so we quit. We started posting photos online instead.

Finally, Felix’s limo pulled up. I wish I’d had my camera when little Felix hopped out and Mom saw him for the first time. Her jaw actually dropped. It wasn’t just that she realized Felix was a tiny twelve-year-old boy. It was also that he was wearing high-water pants and for some reason, his too-tight tux had a black cape attached under the collar. It was sewn on. First thing I checked.

‘Felix. You promised … no teddy bear outfits,’ I said.

‘No, I wear this to perform magic tricks,’ he said.

‘Aren’t real magicians supposed to call them “illusions”?’ Mom said.

‘I will after I move up from novice to apprentice,’ Felix said. ‘Then I get a cape with a gold lining.’

‘Well, it’s nice to meet you, Felix. Would you like to come in for refreshments?’ Mom said.

‘No, thanks. We have to make some stops and if we’re late, we’ll lose our reservation,’ Felix said.

I almost burst out laughing when Felix’s dad stepped out of the limo’s backseat. He was Felix’s maxi-me.

‘Hello, I’m Timothy Fong, Felix’s father,’ Mr Fong said.

‘Liza. Nice to meet you,’ Mom said. ‘Are you … going to the dance with the kids?’

‘Yes, but I’m staying in the car. I’ve brought work to keep me occupied,’ Mr Fong said. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll get Zoe back safe and sound after the dance.’

I pulled Felix aside while Mom and Mr Fong exchanged numbers.

‘How do we pick up Henry and Digby without your father figuring out something’s up?’ I said.

‘It’s okay. I told him we were picking up my wingmen,’ Felix said.

The kid really was full of surprises.





TWENTY-FOUR


We had one of those limos with facing seats that I’ve always wondered about because why is it classy to smash knees every time the driver hits a pothole, I wanted to know. Mr Fong muttered, ‘Carsick,’ and he and Felix took the forward-facing seats. After a few minutes of watching houses whizz past backward, I understood what they meant. I was queasy.

Mr Fong commented on my ‘plumage’ and the ‘mating rituals of American adolescents,’ cracked himself up, then dived into his stack of files. The titles of the things he was reading were at least twenty words long, involving things with names like XKV357. The binders were marked THE PERSES GROUP and had a stylized sword logo. He noticed me looking.

‘These materials are classified, young lady. I’d better not catch you reading them or I’ll have to kill you.’ He looked totally serious. ‘No, I’m just kidding.’ He laughed. ‘Security guys at work take care of that stuff.’ That time he didn’t laugh.

Henry was on his porch holding a bouquet of roses when we pulled up.

‘Fresh flowers! Dad, we forgot to get fresh flowers for Zoe,’ Felix said.

‘Felix, it’s okay,’ I said.

‘Maybe we can stop at the mall,’ Mr Fong said.

‘No, seriously, I don’t need flowers,’ I said.

‘Wait. Was that even on the checklist?’ Felix said.

‘No. We’d better add it to the checklist for next time,’ Mr Fong said. ‘I can’t believe we missed that. We spent so much time crafting that list.’

‘Zoe, what’s your favorite flower?’ Felix said.

I muttered ‘zinnias’ although Felix and his dad weren’t paying attention to anything but their discussion of Felix’s pre-date checklist. Their nattering didn’t stop even when Henry jumped in and sat beside me.

The partition rolled down. ‘Excuse me? Where to now?’ the limo driver said.

Neither Fong broke from their conversation, so Henry answered. ‘Hey, man … I’m Henry.’ They shook hands.

‘Dusty. What’s the deal? Do we head to the Red Lobster now?’

‘Just a couple more stops. Is that cool?’ Henry gave him Digby’s address.

‘No sweat by me, but that cat’s credit card’s on file.’ Dusty pointed at Felix’s dad. ‘And we charge by the mile on top of time.’