My warning is swallowed by the crowd. The other man’s fist hits Luca’s face in a spray of blood, and I scream again, wordless and horrified. No no no.
I surge forward, desperate to be near Luca, to protect him.
The crowd surges forward, multiplying the chaos. The men who’d been guarding the stage area scramble, some heading into the ring to help, others mixing with the crowd. With the smoke and the shadows, it’s impossible to see Luca.
An arm wraps around my waist, and I struggle, thinking it’s another one of the guards with West. Maybe the man guarding Allie, maybe Allie herself. I fight, but the hold is like iron—it drags me back and back. We don’t head to the seats, but instead out of the exit. The arm over my waist is covered in some kind of silky material. A robe.
I look over my shoulder, into the face of my brother. Alex.
Every part of me feels cold, the same desolate winter I felt in the prayer sessions. Oh God. He’s wearing his robe again, somewhat disguised to the crowd. But no one’s even looking at us. Everyone’s focused on the ring.
“Luca,” I scream again, this time my voice raw with hopelessness.
It doesn’t matter. He can’t hear me. He’s down on the mats, his large body obscured as men crowd into the ring. Is he alive? I can’t tell. I don’t know. Then we’re through the doors. They swing closed in front of me, blocking out the sight of Luca. Turning down the volume.
“Let me go,” I whisper. “Alex, please.”
My brother’s voice is grave. “I’m here to save you, sister.”
Chapter Twenty
Alex drags me toward the exit, but there’s already a crowd gathered. The doors slam open as paramedics wheel a stretcher inside. My brother makes a growling sound, before dragging me the other way. The only door left leads into a locker room.
He uses a loose pipe throw the metal handle to lock us inside.
“Alex,” I say, my voice shaking. “What are you doing?”
“I told you,” he says, pulling something around my wrists. “I’m saving you.”
“You’re kidnapping me.”
He laughs shortly. “Kidnapping. One of the milder crimes I’ve been accused of.”
“Leader Allen turned you into a monster.”
“Leader Allen was the monster,” he snaps.
My mouth closes. I hadn’t realized he knew that. “He was.”
“He deserved to die. I should have killed him.”
“Alex…if you think that, then why have you been searching for me?”
“To get you away from those…those heathens! Do you think they’re any better, sister? They’ll rape you and throw you away. I saw the way he kept you, never letting you out of his sight. Like some pet.”
Like a little bird he had caged.
Except Luca had every chance to hurt me. Instead he wanted to heal me. “So you’re going to keep me in this locker room forever?”
“Better here than with him,” he snaps.
“He doesn’t hurt me.”
A makes a rough sound. “You sin with him. Tell me I’m wrong.”
I realize Alex is like me—broken by our past, unable to shake the chains. We know that Leader Allen was wrong, but we can’t forget all the lessons. “It isn’t a sin.”
And in that moment, I know it’s true. Love can’t be a sin.
My brother snarls. “I killed him so he couldn’t touch you again.”
I’m stricken. Is he dead? “You’re sick.”
He paces away from me. “Sick. Sick. Sick. That’s what he called me. Sick.”
I blink, confused. Alex was always the perfect soldier for Leader Allen. That’s what he called them—soldiers. His spiritual army. “Who called you sick?”
“Leader Allen. And he was right. I’m disgusting.”
I wriggle my fingers behind my back, but the rope is tight. I can’t break free. “Why are you disgusting?”
“For what I want.” His eyes plead with me. “For what I still want. I can’t get away from it. The sin. The pleasure.”
I swallow past the knot in my throat. “Alex. Leader Allen hurt me. He…” My eyes close against the truth, but the darkness only makes it more real. “He touched me.” I open my eyes again, seeing the same shame reflected back at me. “Did he hurt you too?”
“You don’t understand,” he whispers.
“What don’t I understand?”
He comes and lays his head in my lap. “I wanted it.”
“Oh, Alex,” I whisper brokenly. “I’m sorry.”
And I am sorry. Even if he killed Luca. I can’t hate him for what Leader Allen turned him into. Mostly I forgive him. That’s what Allie said to me. That’s all I can do.
“Don’t be,” he snaps, rearing back. “The devil’s inside me.”
“Leader Allen’s the only one inside you, whispering all those horrible things to you.”
Alex’s face is pale, making him look younger than me instead of older. “I’m gay, Sarah Elizabeth. He said that if I did everything he told me, that he could cure me. That he could fix me. But now he’s gone and I’m still sick.”
There’s a bang on the door, so loud and fierce that we both jump.
“Beth!”