I looked up and was caught for a moment in her wide green eyes. “There is nothing to forgive, Goddess.”
“Knowing this about my past…I do not wish for you to see me as a weakling. I have dealt with men often since that time and have done so successfully, but when I am near you, I find it difficult to—”
“To?”
“To remain at a distance. My emotions lie closer to the surface when I am near you. Perhaps this is because of our connection.”
“Perhaps.”
I slid my fingers up to her wrist and found her skin so incredibly soft that I had to give myself a mental shake to refocus.
“I’m sorry for shutting myself off from you, especially when you needed me,” I said.
“I have no need of a man. A tiger, perhaps, but not a man. At least not like your Kelsey does.”
Frowning, I asked, “Then why were you interested in Ren?”
“Dhiren did not press me as other men do.”
“What do you mean?”
“He did not expect me to…fawn over him.”
“Fawn over?”
Anamika sighed in frustration. “Yes, fawn over. Like when Kelsey held your hand or touched you or”—she swallowed visibly and licked her lips—“kissed you.”
“You are speaking of a physical relationship.”
“Yes. Dhiren did not expect this from me.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “You can be sure he expected it from Kelsey.”
“Why must men demand this? Isn’t it enough to have a strong woman at your side? One who will stand at your back and fight alongside you?”
“A man can ask as much of a trusted warrior. But a life’s companion must be more than that. Good men don’t make demands or hurt the women they love, Anamika. But touching is a normal, natural desire between a man and a woman.”
“And Kelsey enjoyed this touching and kissing?”
“Yes.”
“Did you”—she struggled with the word—“massage the rest of her body?”
I wasn’t quite sure what she meant and didn’t want to say the wrong thing, so I answered as straightforwardly as I could.
“I massaged Kelsey’s arms, feet, shoulders, and head, though I can also do a leg or back massage. If you are referring to more intimate touching, then no, I did not.”
After taking a few moments to consider this information, Anamika said, “You may massage my feet if you wish.”
Hiding my smile, I moved to her feet and was delighted to see her close her eyes and relax against her pillow. She was asleep by the time I finished her other hand, and instead of heading to my room or out to the garden as I normally did, I slipped outside her room and slept as a tiger, jamming my large body up against the closed door.
***
I was soundly asleep when the door abruptly swung open and smacked my tiger head. At my soft, grumbling growl, Anamika pushed her way through and then glared at me, putting her hands on her hips. Transformed from the vulnerable little girl to a powerful goddess once again, she announced that it was time for us move forward with the next item on Kadam’s list, and if I didn’t like it, then too bad.
I didn’t like this turn of events. Not one bit. The implications of Anamika’s failure to save her past self from a lecherous man meant that the plans I had made for myself were full of impending roadblocks, and the last thing I wanted to do was to add more logs to the dam preventing me from fixing the past to get what I wanted.
She produced the list and the next item was making sure Ren was captured. After mulling it over for a moment, I decided this one was okay. If I was ever going to meet Kelsey in the future, er…past, then Ren had to be at the circus.
I briefly entertained the notion that I could get myself captured instead, but a black tiger was so rare it was likely I’d be kept in Asia forever and would never end up at the little circus in Oregon. Also there was the little problem of my never aging. It would be too tough to pull off, so putting Ren in a cage was necessary.
When we were both ready, Anamika stood next to me, and when I offered my hand, she took it. Together we disappeared from our mountain home and rematerialized in my old stomping grounds. Catching my own tiger scent, I immediately crouched down and tugged her down with me, pressing my finger to my lips to indicate she should be quiet.
A soft growl rumbled through the trees, and just as my old form poked his head through the brush to investigate, Anamika wrapped her hand around my bicep and we went invisible, phasing our bodies half in and half out of a time stream, which also masked our scents. The black tiger approached us and spent a long time sniffing the air, then, to my surprise, he walked right through our crouched forms. With the flick of a black tail, he was gone.
“That was close,” Anamika said quietly after we rematerialized a few moments later. “Do you remember that?”
“No. I remember very little from my days in the jungle.”
“Good. Shall we find the hunters then?”
Turning my nose into the wind, I began walking east, stopping often to scent the area and moving as quietly as possible through the forest. To her credit, Anamika was a silent companion behind me. When I turned to glance at her, she remained alert, golden bow at the ready and nocked with an arrow. Once again she was wearing her green dress and thigh-high boots, and she made not a whisper of sound though the brown leaves on the path crackled with even my own carefully placed steps.
I considered her idea of what she wanted from a man. Anamika claimed she didn’t need one, and in all my research about the goddess Durga, there was never any indication that she took a mate. Her only companion was her tiger, Damon. It would be easy to be the kind of man she wanted, the kind she needed. With my chakram hanging from my belt and my ability to wield tooth and claw, I could be just what she needed—a companion who watched her back. The problem was…I wanted more.
I dreamt of a home with a woman who loved me, one who drove me crazy with both passionate arguments and passionate embraces—the kind of relationship my parents had. Also, I wanted children. A son I could teach to hunt and spar with, a daughter beautiful and sweet with the same fire as her mother. When suitors came around, they’d think twice about how they treated her with a father who could rip them in two.
It saddened me to think of all the things that Anamika was willing to give up. She’d resigned herself to a future without love and tenderness. The loss of her brother must have been hard indeed.
Clouds crawled across the bright blue sky, but the jungle was sweltering despite the shade of the trees. In the midday sun, sweat trickled down the back of my neck and dampened my shirt. Anamika swiped at her forehead. Her skin glistened in the heat but she didn’t complain, and I found myself admiring not only her stamina but the way her hair curled in the humidity.
I couldn’t help but compare her with Kelsey. My former fiancée would have grumbled about the heat at least once per hour as she stomped noisily beside me. I didn’t mind it. Not really. But it did make sneaking up on prey rather difficult. As I had recently seen Kelsey trudging through the underbrush, chattering to Ren like a happy bird, she was a startling contrast to the young woman striding along next to me.
Where Kelsey kept me entertained with her lively babble and stories, Ana was pensive and quiet. Her eyes were trained on the jungle and her senses were alert to her surroundings. When I raised a hand, silently indicating we should head west, Anamika nodded and moved forward comfortably, finding paths as easily as I could.