“So, it’s mere fondness you feel for me then?” I teased with a smile.
“No, Sohan,” she said soberly and gripped my arms. “Fondness is the word I use to describe my weapons or my favorite horse or—what was it called?—ah, popcorn. What I feel for you has become a constant ache in my heart. During the day, I long to feel your eyes upon me and your lips on mine. At night, I dream of being nestled within your arms. It has been quite a vexing thing to experience and is most unbecoming of a warrior. You distract me from everything I am supposed to be focused on. If you would label this as love, then I believe I have a sore case of it.”
“I see.” I touched my fingertip to the small pattern of freckles across her nose. “Perhaps there is some type of elixir that can fix that for you.”
She frowned and shoved my chest. “I do not wish to take an elixir.”
“Do you mean to say you want to go on feeling this way?” I asked, assuming an air of astonishment.
Ana folded her arms and turned away, muttering, “You are an oaf of a man and a sorry excuse for a tiger. I do not know how I could possibly love such a displeasing man.”
Laughing softly, the emotions bittersweet, I folded my arms around her and murmured in her ear, “So, you do love me then.”
“Yes, Sohan,” she said, tilting her head so I could nibble on her ear. “I do love you. More than I would have ever believed possible.”
It was what I wanted, no, needed to hear, and yet even the sweetness of her words couldn’t make what I was about to do any easier. She twisted in my arms and wrapped hers around my waist. I gazed into her lovely green eyes and twined her silky hair between my fingers. Sliding my hand behind her head, I drew her close. When my lips touched hers, it was different from all our other kisses. It wasn’t full of power or creation. It wasn’t the kiss of a goddess and her consort.
It was simply a man kissing the woman he loved.
For the first time, I opened my mind to her fully, completely, with no hesitation and no reservations. I shared everything with her—my hopes, my dreams, and more immediately important, my decision.
She faltered momentarily but then held on to me even more tightly.
Both of us chose to ignore the salty tears that wet our cheeks.
Chapter 37
A Dream Realized
Pulling away, I kept Ana’s hand in mine as I turned my back on the jungle.
“You’re certain, then?” Ana asked, her voice halting.
“I am.”
She laced her fingers through mine, and I wasn’t sure if it was her hand trembling or if it was me. I walked over to Ren. He was on his hands and knees. His blood pooled on the floor. Crouching down next to him, I touched his back. “I wish I could say I was confident that you would make the same decision if you were in my place. You trusted me before. I’d like to think you’d do the same thing again. My biggest regret is that I wasn’t the brother you deserved. At least, not for many years. All I can promise is, I’ll try to do better by you in the future.”
I glanced over at my former self where he was bent over the body of the girl he loved, his face a mask of agony. Would a part of him remember any of this? I wondered. Probably not. I supposed it no longer mattered. Not for the first time and probably not for the last, either, I questioned if I was doing the right thing.
Ana’s voice in my mind quashed my hesitation. You know what to do, Sohan, she said.
Placing both hands on my brother, I called on the power of the amulet. It flowed through me and around me. The amulet hung from my neck, the tip of it touching my brother’s back. I leaned closer and the entire piece settled on the spot between his shoulder blades. Light shot out from the carved tiger on the amulet and enveloped both of us. I heard a noise and turned to see Ana. She had become the goddess, and all eight of her arms were lifted in the air, magic weaving between her limbs.
Ren’s body trembled beneath my hands and time moved forward in slow motion. Not even the goddess Durga or her tiger could stop its progress. We no longer had control of it. My brother screamed in agony as the light from the amulet twisted and curved, sinking into his body. I glanced up at my old self. He’d covered his ears to try to block out the powerful hum of the goddess as it grew in volume. As I closed my eyes, I wished I, too, could cover my ears.
Then, I heard him. Smelled him.
Claws clicked on the marble floor and I raised my head and looked into the eyes of a tiger. He was massive. His white fur was wet from the damp jungle and he had mud caked between his claws. Leaning closer, he sniffed me and then Ren. He’d heeded the summons of the amulet. Having witnessed the other creations of the goddess, I knew what I needed to do next.
“Will you serve?” I asked him. “Will you become a part of my brother?”
The tiger lowered his head and growled softly, then he came closer and nudged my hand with his nose. He chuffed and my vision blurred.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Take care of him.” Lifting one of my hands, I placed it on the head of the tiger and felt the thrum of his energy. “When the time is right, we will return and release you,” I said.
The great creature disappeared before my eyes, giving his life force in service to the goddess and bowing before the power of the Damon Amulet. I pushed the essence of the tiger into my brother and then stood on shaking legs, watching as the man and the tiger dueled for control. Ren’s skin rippled and tore, healed and stretched, as time moved slowly around him.
Ana took my hand and guided me over to my other self. “You cannot put your hands on him,” she warned, “but you can gift him through me.”
A gift, she called it. I smiled and touched her face. You would think of it that way, I said to her mind.
In your heart, you know it for what it is, she said.
I do.
My old self had leapt in the air, his face full of fury, as he attacked Lokesh. Ana inserted herself between the two men and used the power of the wind to lift the airborne body a bit higher. She placed two of her hands on his cheeks and looked to me.
I turned to the open jungle and called out, “I know you’re there. If you will serve, come forward.”
We waited for the space of one moment, then another. I felt the weight of his presence but he was still undecided. Finally, I heard a snarl and a second tiger leapt up the stairs in a bound. He paced before me, his teeth bared. When I lifted my hand, he whipped around and roared loud enough to scare the myna birds from the trees.
“You know who I am,” I said, “and what I ask.”
The great cat strode in a circle, his tail whipping back and forth as he took in the scene. The animal was beautiful. The fur was dark, his stripes thick and black. His eyes flashed with intelligence as he watched me. Seeing I wasn’t going to make a move, he stopped his pacing and sat, panting. Then he leisurely licked his paw.
“Will you serve?” I asked humbly.
The tiger lifted his head, mid-lick, and growled, then he shook himself and approached the goddess. “Hello, handsome,” she said and reached down to stroke his head with a pair of hands.
The animal twisted his head so she could scratch the ruff of his neck and then rubbed the length of his body against her thigh.
“He’s clearly claiming you,” I said.
“That’s as it should be, is it not?” Ana said with a smile. “What say you, great cat?” Ana asked. “My Sohan may not be as beautiful as you, but he is a worthy fighter. He embraces the hunt and favors long, lazy naps,” she finished with a wink in my direction.
The tiger looked up at the goddess and then over at me.
“I do not know when or if you will be released,” I said, “but I can promise a long life and, if we’re lucky, a beautiful goddess willing to scratch our back.”
Sitting, the great animal considered me for a moment and then finally chuffed his agreement, twisting his head so the goddess could play with his ears. I strode closer, careful not to alarm him, and placed my hands on Ana’s back.
“Are you ready?” I asked.