Ren must have done it. We should learn never to underestimate a desperate tiger, I said.
Kelsey’s hands were still gripping the shirt of my old self and his hair stood on end. With Ana’s truth stone pressed against my chest, I noticed that Kelsey’s aura didn’t match the one worn by my other self. Before I could tell Ana, we heard Ren’s voice come from somewhere above us. “I said, let…her…go.”
There was another crash and a vengeful Ren stalked toward them. He said, “Don’t…make me repeat myself.”
I asked Ana, Is he remembering?
He is on the verge, but no, not yet.
Well, let’s put the poor guy out of his misery.
Ana waved her hand over Ren’s head and he screamed.
Touching her back, I asked, What’s wrong? Why is he in pain?
He’s…he’s fighting me, she said.
Why? Doesn’t he want to remember?
Ana answered, I need your help. A part of him senses our presence. Ren refuses to submit to our interference again. He is a tiger fighting for his mate.
She put her hand on Ren’s head and I touched his shoulder. Relax, brother, I whispered to his mind. Ren groaned and bucked against us. I couldn’t really blame him. If someone had taken Ana from me in such a way, animalistic lashing out would be the least I’d do. We won’t keep her from you any longer. It’s time for you to remember. Ren settled enough for Ana to finish and then he slumped to the deck. I stood and took Ana’s hand. It’s done, then? I asked.
He will remember everything except your presence when we first took his memories.
Ren stood and began explaining about the veil of concealment and how Durga had hidden away his memories.
“That was a close one,” I said after they were all gone.
She glanced up at the deck above us. “This was a dangerous place for us to be in. You could have met yourself twice here.”
“Right.” I brushed a hand over my jaw, remembering how I’d watched this scene over and over. “Our old selves can’t see us?”
“No. They are gone now. I don’t remember seeing us. Do you?”
“No. I think we’re good.”
“Fortunately for us, that was the last time we had to meddle with Ren’s mind. Speaking of which, we have only one more thing on our list.”
“And then we get to take a break?” I asked, thinking of having Ana all to myself on a white sand beach.
“Yes. But, Sohan, this will be the hardest one of all. And I won’t do it myself. If this is going to happen, it needs to be your choice and your choice alone.”
“What is it?” I asked, swallowing a lump that formed in my throat.
“We must return to the moment of Yesubai’s death.”
I nodded. “Okay. I think I can do that.”
“It is not seeing her death that I fear will be your undoing.”
Cocking my head, I said, “What else could it be? What do we have to do? I already know Kadam won’t want us to save her.”
“No. We are not being sent there to save her. We are to go to the moment you became a tiger.” Wetting her lips, Ana stepped closer and took my hand. “Do you remember? Our final task is to create the curse that changed you.”
Chapter 36
A Promise Fulfilled
“The curse,” I echoed, my voice trailing off.
“Yes. Kadam left it for last.”
“He left it for last on purpose, didn’t he?”
Ana nodded uncomfortably. “He wanted you to have time to consider all the ramifications first.”
“Kadam always was a clever one,” I said, turning my back to her.
Ana was silent for a moment, letting me gather my thoughts. Finally, she placed a hand on my arm. “Neither of us will force you into this decision,” she said. “If you choose to undo the curse, to prevent it from happening, I will not judge you.”
I took her hand and brought her around to face me. “What would you choose, Ana?” I asked.
“What I would choose is irrelevant. You are the one who has lost not one but two women you cared for. You suffered loneliness and heartache in the jungle. You are the one doomed to be a tiger for the remainder of his days.”
“And what of you?” I asked her. “Would you choose the life of the goddess? I know you didn’t want it. Not when Sunil left, anyway.”
“No,” she replied softly. “I did not want it then.”
“And now?”
“Now, I… It is a life I am willing to live, but not without—” She cut off the end of the sentence and bit her lip.
“Not without me,” I finished for her.
“Yes,” Ana said. “If you choose to remain fully human, to deny the power of the Damon Amulet, then I, too, will live a mortal’s life.”
I touched my forehead to hers. “Then we would never meet.”
“No.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said anxiously. “There is no decision to make. If I don’t take on the power, Yesubai will still die. Ren and I would likely perish at Lokesh’s hands, if not immediately, then soon enough, and you…you would be a slave to that monster who abused children. Is that what you want?”
“No,” Ana said, “but just because you reject the amulet does not necessarily mean those things are inevitable. Think of it. Without the amulet, Lokesh would have died many years before. Yesubai would never have been born. It would reset time. Who knows the impact on the world? Maybe that means the man who enslaved children wouldn’t be born either, or perhaps he would be completely different or live in a city far away. We cannot know.”
“Kadam knew,” I said softly. “Perhaps, if I wasn’t such a coward, I would have trod the path he did and caught a glimpse of my future, followed different timelines.”
Taking my face in her hands, Ana said, “He did not want that for us, remember? You’ve seen how his knowledge burdens him.”
I nodded.
She pressed, “Do not let the fear of what you’ve seen in the past or the sufferings of your family and friends decide this most important choice for you. Never, in the history of the world, has there been a man who has possessed the gift of hindsight in this way. Think of your past, absolutely, but also consider the unlived years to come. Allow your heart to guide you and listen only to its whisperings. Promise me you will do this, Sohan.”
I caught her wrist and brought her palm to my lips. Closing my eyes, I kissed it and said, “I promise, Ana.”
“Then, when you are ready, we will go. We shall observe unseen for a time so that you might decide, but know that I will support your choice, whatever it may be.”
She touched her fingertips to the Damon Amulet where it lay against my skin and then leaned close to kiss my cheek.
When she lifted her head, I leaned back and removed the piece of jewelry I’d kept hidden behind the amulet. I’d retrieved it when I woke Ana after escorting Lady Silkworm home, thinking I’d find the right time to give it to her. “No matter what happens,” I said. “I want you to have this. Technically, it already belongs to you. It was hidden inside one of the pumpkins in the House of Gourds.”
I opened my fingers, and she picked up the ring and pinched the edges, holding it up to the light. It was a simple ring—a silver band of interlocking vines woven together—but since the Grove of Dreams, it reminded me of her, of us. It never felt right to give it to Kelsey, though I’d saved it with the intention of gifting it to her at some point. Now I knew why I never had. It was always supposed to be Ana’s.
“Do you give me this token to earn my favor?” she asked with a smile. “If so, you already have the ability to bend the goddess to your will.”
I shook my head. “I ask nothing in return. It’s a symbol of my regard for you.”
“Ah. And should I interpret your regard to mean I am a weed that chokes you?” she teased.
Taking her hand, I drew her close. “No,” I said softly. “I regard you as you regard your flowers.” Touching my fingertips to her hair, I continued, “You are a rare and precious bloom, bringing me delight every time I come near. Whatever happens next, I wanted you to know that I don’t regret this journey with you and the bond we share is something I cherish.”