“I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” Kadam sighed. “If you ever decided to leave the goddess and her work, this bond would have faded over time anyway. Perhaps it would be best to decide the course of your future before you do anything…lasting.”
“You want me to walk away from all this? From her?”
“That’s not what I said, son. I did tell you, though, that you have always had the freedom to choose.”
“Yeah. Well, right now, I choose to find her.”
“Yes. Of course. It would be wise for you to seek her out.” He narrowed his eyes. “I thought I made it clear that she needed you to remain near. At least until you’ve made your final choice.”
“Yes. You did, but I…I needed time to sort through my feelings.”
“Son…” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “I once advised Kelsey regarding pillows.”
“Pillows?” I said.
“Yes. I told her that the person you choose to spend your life with, and trust me when I say you do have a choice, will shape you in ways you cannot possibly understand. The questions to ask yourself are these. Do you like the man you are when you’re with her? Does she encourage you to become more than you are? Can she offer you companionship and comfort during your trials? Does she understand you in a way others cannot? If the answers to these questions are yes, then everything else will work itself out.”
I knew in my heart the answer to each question. It was an easy test. Almost too easy to trust.
“How do I find her if I’ve lost our connection?” I asked. “And how do I repair our link once I do?”
Kadam steepled his two index fingers and touched them to the straight line of his lips. “Perhaps now would be a good time to read the scroll I left with you?”
Chapter 32
Shrine of Fire
The scroll. I had nothing with me. Ana had taken our pack back to our home and I didn’t think to retrieve anything. I literally only had the clothes on my back and the Damon Amulet.
“I don’t have it,” I said.
“Then you’d better hope you can find her without it.”
“Can’t you tell me?” I begged. “I know you know where she is.”
“I have my suspicions,” he admitted. “But you know I cannot help you. This is a part of your journey, Kishan. If I intervened, it would change the outcome, or even influence your future choices. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I set you on a path that would lead to unhappiness.”
“But what if my unhappiness is a result of screwing this up?”
Kadam pursed his lips. His stubbornness showed in his expression and I knew he’d be no help.
“Fine. Then tell me how to fix our broken link.”
“If you are meant to be bonded, it will repair itself,” he said cryptically. “Best be going now, son,” he said.
I sighed. “Will I see you again?” I asked.
“I guarantee it.” He turned away but then, before he disappeared, added, “By the way, I like what you’ve done with the place.”
Stupid. Stupid tiger. I berated myself after he vanished. Once again, I’d fallen short when it came to my duty in protecting Ana. Not that I disbelieved Kadam, but the first thing I did was call out mentally to the goddess. Ana? I thought. Ana! There was no reply. I tried closing my eyes and feeling where she was, but in the place where our familiar connection had settled inside me, the one I’d had ever since I became a tiger so many years ago, there was an echoing emptiness.
Clutching the amulet, I leapt through time and space at a jog and was running when my feet hit the grass of her rose garden. I tore into her room and found her weapons lying in their usual places. Even Fanindra was sunning herself in the window. I’d assumed she’d be with Kelsey from now on, but apparently, time worked differently for the snake. In a weird way, it made sense.
I searched her shelves and belongings for the bag or the scroll but couldn’t find either one. In my haste, I nearly knocked over her bottle of perfume. The stopper fell, and before I put it back, I lifted it to my nose. Roses and lotus blossoms. Where was she? If she’d been close, I could have tracked her by scent but she hadn’t been here recently. “Ana!” I shouted and headed out, looking for anyone who might know where she’d gone.
Coming across the young man she’d saved, I grabbed his shoulders and offered a hasty apology when he winced. “Xing-Xing, where is the goddess?” I demanded. “Tell me, quickly.”
He shrugged. “I haven’t seen her here in weeks.”
“Did anyone call for her? Summon her in the last month?”
The boy scratched his nose. “No. Nothing out of the ordinary, anyway.”
Though our connection to each other was gone, I could still hear the prayers and supplications offered by mortals. Letting those calls come to the forefront of my mind was like stepping into a hurricane, but it couldn’t be helped. Steeling myself, I opened the faucet and a century’s worth of pleas assaulted my mind. I worked to isolate one voice, one cry for the goddess, and then set off. I didn’t stay long enough to do anything to actually help, I just checked to see if Ana was there.
Over and over, I leapt through time but came up with nothing. One woman wanted her daughter to find a mate. Another wanted her husband healed from an injury. An entire village needed help with their crops. But no matter where I looked, I found no trace of her. After dozens and dozens of stops, I came up dry. Where is she?
Finally, an idea occurred to me. Heading back to her room, I located what I was seeking. “Fanindra?” I called. “I need your help.” The snake lifted her head and willingly glided onto my outstretched arm. “I can’t find your mistress,” I said. “Can you take me to her?”
Not sure what I’d find once we got there, I strapped on a leather belt and slid the sword that would split in two into the scabbard. Then I attached the brooch to my shirt and put the kamandal around my neck. At least I had some weapons other than teeth and claws. It worried me to see all the weapons accounted for. The only object missing, other than the ones we’d already given to Kelsey and Ren, was the Rope of Fire.
Fanindra wrapped her honey and alabaster coils around my arm and used her energy to open a portal. I worried that doing so would tax the creature to the point of death once again, but Fanindra had been reborn or, perhaps, born for the first time. She was full of life and untapped energy. I stepped inside and was transported.
Fire bloomed around us the moment the portal disappeared, and I held up an arm, flinching at the burst of flame. I quickly realized I wasn’t on fire and my clothes weren’t burning, so I took a step back and studied our surroundings.
The ground was as dark as coal and powdery like ash. Young trees with russet leaves shivered in a warm breeze that carried the scent of smoke and sulphur. Immediately, I knew where I was. Bodha—the city beneath the volcano in the Andaman Islands.
“Why would she come here?” I asked Fanindra. The snake didn’t answer but turned to metal on my arm. “Okay. I guess I’m on my own then.”
I stroked the full day’s growth of beard on my face. When I changed from tiger to man, I always ended up in my black clothing, the last thing I wore before the curse, and clean-shaven. But since the curse had been lifted, I could be a man for as long as I liked, which meant I needed to shave from time to time. It was quicker just switching to a tiger and back, but there was something human about taking the time to shave.