Kai breathed in through his mouth. “If I have to.”
“Could we not leave this for now?” I said, hoping to ease the tension. “Your father might make a full recovery, and then he can decide how he’ll wish to proceed. Right now, the loss of Rolf is too fresh for any decisions.”
Kai looked at me and nodded, but the rest of dinner was a strained affair.
I didn’t know why Sebastian was so against Kai taking Rolf’s place. If he wanted to be the one taking charge, riding the land, overseeing the crops, why he did not just say so? Kai had a generous heart and would gladly have shared those duties, even taken second place to his older brother. But Sebastian appeared to want no part in these tasks.
He simply didn’t want Kai doing them either.
Whether Sebastian liked it or not, Kai rode out every day. Sebastian never once offered to accompany him. At night, in bed, Kai would tell me of his adventures, of the people he met and the flocks or crops he checked.
“You sound as if you like the work?” I asked.
“I do. It makes me feel useful, and I like being out on the land, connecting with our people. I want to talk to Father about lowering taxes this year, maybe cutting them in half. We don’t need the money, and our people need more of a chance to thrive.”
“You’re a good man.”
By day, I sat with Jarrod. I wouldn’t let him out of bed, but before long, he was able to sit up without tearing his stitches. When he was bored enough to begin snapping at me and finding fault with my every move, I brought in a deck of cards and Kai’s chess set. We played for hours.
I’d brought some books from home, and I tried reading to him, but much of what I’d brought was history or philosophy, and he had little patience with either.
On the afternoon of the sixth day, I sat in a chair beside the bed, working on some embroidery as he slept.
“What is that?” he asked.
Raising my eyes, I saw that he was awake. The cloth in my hands was tightly held inside a small wooden frame, and I held it up for him to see. I was nearly done with a section of pink and yellow roses. “It’s a pillow cover.”
To my surprise, his expression softened. “I never thought to see a lady working on a such a dainty task in this house.”
I hesitated. For so long, I’d wanted to ask about Kai’s mother, but something had held me back. “Did your wife not embroider?” I asked carefully.
“Bridget?” He laughed and then winced. “She’d have thrown that out the window or used it to start a fire.”
Setting my embroidery in my lap, I perked up with interest. “She didn’t care to sew? What was she like?”
“She cared nothing for sewing or playing harps or reading history books or any such niceties. She was a big woman with thick wrists and strong shoulders, looked just like Rolf with long hair. She bowed to no one and argued with every word I said.” His voice caught.
“You loved her.”
“I did.”
Again, I hesitated. “How did she die?”
“When Kai was born. I couldn’t believe it at first. She birthed Rolf and Sebastian so easy they both nearly dropped out onto the floor. But Kai was turned rump down, and the midwife couldn’t turn him proper. Bridget strained all night, and he finally came, she was torn something fierce. She died before dawn.”
His eyes were far away, remembering a painful time in the past.
“Poor Bridget,” I said. “And poor Kai, to grow up never having known his mother.”
“Aye.” Jarrod nodded and looked at me. “He feels things more deeply than the other two, takes after my own mother.”
It seemed so odd to be talking like this with Jarrod. I had no idea he understood Kai so well.
“In his mind though,” he went on, “I think Kai sees his mother as someone like you, small with fine manners who’d blow away in a strong wind.”
“He would have loved her for exactly who she was.”
“Aye,” he said again. To my further surprise, he patted my hand. “You’re a good girl. I was worried at first, but you’ve done well by Kai, given him more faith in himself, and you fit in here. The gods know how, but you do.”
I was so moved by this I had no response. These were the first kind words I’d had from him.
His eyelids fluttered.
I stood. “You rest, and I’m going to get you some tea.”
The next day—day seven—he could no longer be kept in bed. Right after breakfast, he yelled at me to help him up.
“I can’t support your weight,” I answered. “You don’t move, and I’ll be right back.”
After running downstairs, I caught Kai before he’d ridden out, and he helped his father down to the great hall so Jarrod could at least sit downstairs and have some company besides mine.
The first thing he did was order Betty to bring him “some real food,” and she scrambled off.
A few of the guards came in to play cards with him, and this was a relief to me. He needed something to do. I’d watched his wound carefully, and it was knitting. I didn’t think it would do him any harm to have a change of scene so long as he didn’t try to stand on his own.
Sebastian watched all this with a cold expression. “So he’s up and about, is he?”
“To a degree,” I answered. “I may need you to help me get him back upstairs later.”
“If he’ll let me.”
“Of course, he’ll let you. Sebastian, sometimes, I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
At that he flashed a smile. “And a good thing too.”
For the following week, Jarrod grew a little stronger each day, to the point where he didn’t need me every moment.
His period of convalescence continued to solidify some changes in the family dynamics. The guards began coming to Kai for instructions, and I had full control of the household, including the budget. I hired a laundry woman from the village, who was glad for the work.
One day, Kai surprised me by coming home for lunch and saying, “I still owe you an afternoon ride.”
He was right. With everything that had happened, I’d been so needed at the keep, we never had gone out for the ride we’d planned. That seemed a long time ago now.
“What about your father?” I asked.
“He’ll be fine. Betty and Miriam can look after him.”
Excitement took hold. He had a horse saddled for me, and we rode out the gates. The day was fine, and the sun shone down. Kai took me south to the apple orchards. I could see his pride in the neat long rows of trees and the ripening fruit. For the first time, I felt the breadth of being a part of this estate, and I realized how small my world had become back at the keep.
“I should like to do this more,” I said. “Perhaps I can come with you some days to meet the people who work the land?”
A part of me wondered how he would respond.
But he nodded instantly. “Of course. I’d like that too. I promise that many of our people live better than the ones in Volodane Village. I should like you to meet them.”