If I could stare him in the eyes and make him believe that...maybe then he’d be able to accept whatever he was running from.
Jethro’s voice repeated as I floated down the corridor beneath massive gold-stitched tapestries: “He loves you, you know.”
As much as I would love confirmation from Elder, I didn’t need it.
I knew he loved me every time he touched me. I felt it in his stare, his touch, his voice, his kiss. Even in his refusal and rage.
I knew he loved me every time he apologised or pushed me away or hurt my feelings by trying to protect me even when we both throbbed with barely restrained desire.
I knew he loved me before he knew.
He loved me.
I loved him.
I didn’t need anyone else to tell me.
I know.
I trust.
It’s true.
He loves me...
And that was the most incredible thing of all.
Chapter Thirty-One
Elder
I FOUND PIM drifting down the corridor with her hand clutched tight and a faraway look upon her face. Her mask hid yet more of her secrets; her dress draping her in the many bruises she’d survived.
Once again, the drive to know her thoughts ripped through me. Questions demanded to be asked. An interrogation whispered to be performed.
Her crown mask drove me insane. I hated that it hid parts of her from me. I despised that her stunning face was barred.
I knew my tension was due to my racing, complicated brain, but I couldn’t stop blaming her for doing this to me. For getting inside my heart where I had no defences left. For making me fall when I couldn’t afford to.
I would never be free of her; therefore, I deserved to know all of her. But if I was to ever know all of her, I would have to pry her secrets out one by one.
And I’d made an oath never to take what wasn’t mine again.
No matter the pain.
No matter the pressure.
I would stand by my decision to love her but from a distance. Sex would only undermine my control. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from rifling through her memories. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself period.
Add any more temptation or closeness between us and I had no doubt I would break all my promises and be just like the monsters of her past.
Slamming to a stop, I waited for her to look up and see me.
It took a few steps; her eyes focused on something I couldn’t understand before she blinked and came to a halt. “Elder.” The parts of her beautiful face not covered by her mask switched to a sensual smile.
I became instantly hard.
“I was just coming to find you.” Her fingers tightened over whatever it was she held.
Where had she been? Who had she encountered? Had she done what I’d asked?
Please tell me she didn’t.
“I’m sorry for asking you to steal again, Pim.” Unlocking my knees, I ignored my instantaneous desire for her and stalked forward. Curling my hands, I made a conscious effort not to reach for her or bark questions about what she was thinking before I found her.
Was it this house? Was it the tapestries and histories whispering down its many halls? Or had something happened while I was gone? Something I couldn’t control or prevent by leaving her alone?
The box inside my tux—the box meant for her—turned into an anchor weighing me down. The breathlessness in my lungs made it seem as if I were drowning on dry land. I should’ve glanced at the craftsmanship of Hawk’s jewellers. I should’ve studied the gift before giving it. For all I knew, it could be a terrible tragedy and huge mistake.
Meeting her in the middle of the cavernous corridor, I stopped myself before I could touch her. As long as I kept physical distance, I could maintain propriety and fairness.
Unfortunately, she didn’t operate under such self-denying rules. Leaning forward, she captured my hand with cool fingers, smiled gently as she uncurled my fist, then dropped a glittering diamond onto my palm.
Ah, shit.
She nodded resolutely as the diamond rolled a little in my hold. “There. All yours.”
She’d stolen again.
All because I’d asked.
Goddammit.
My shoulders slumped with remorse instead of pride. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t.”
Her green gaze met mine. “You did?”
Clenching my fingers around the diamond, I hated myself for the added stress and torment I’d layered her with. “Never again, Pim. I won’t ask anything of you that you’re not comfortable with.”
Including sex or secrets or anything else inappropriate.
I would atone from here on out.
A soft smile twitched her lips. “I didn’t steal it.”
I ran a thumb over the facets of the stone. “This is real. How else am I holding it if you didn’t steal it?”
Her eyes tangled with things I hadn’t been a part of. “I admit I wasn’t going to. I was going to disobey you. But as I headed out of the room, Mr. Hawk found me.”
My back stiffened at the thought of her alone with the owner of this estate.
“He told me to take it.” She rolled her shoulders as if negating other things he’d told her—things I desperately wanted to know. “So I did. It’s yours. Given freely, not taken.”
Why had he given it to her?
Why did she carry a glow that hadn’t been there before?
Christ, I couldn’t do this anymore.
The questions were too much. The need too strong.
“Come.” Grabbing her wrist, I tugged her forward as my legs chewed up the ground. The music from the ball was too close. The lilts of laughter and people too near. My head ached, and my cock throbbed. I was losing to my lust, and Pim was making it so damn hard to say no. “We need to talk. Alone.”
She didn’t speak as I dragged her away from the strings of music, storming down passageways I’d never seen. Scanning rooms left and right, I had no idea what I was looking for. Drawing rooms and day rooms. Parlours and solars. On and on until a quaint sitting room appeared with a large, oversized paisley couch, warm floor lamps, and a crackling fireplace with fawns and fairies carved into its mantle.
It had space to pace. It had privacy to put myself back together again.
Pulling Pim inside, I closed the door and twisted the old-fashioned key resting in the lock.
I didn’t expect the mechanism to work in such an old hall, but it turned as effortlessly as if it were new. Having a barricade—a lockable barricade—between us and the rest of the occupants of Hawksridge allowed me to finally suck in a breath and relax a little.
The only person I tolerated was Pimlico. And she was making my life intolerable.
Ideally, my fa?ade would hold until we were back on the Phantom. I would wait until we left port and sailed away from human society. I would ensure we were safe and armed and had a joint to calm the irrational clawing in my veins.
But as she drifted deeper into the room and her dress whispered on the carpet, and the red of her mask obscured all the pieces I needed from her, I struggled to stay human.
I forgot how to ignore the fascination and compulsions of my brain.