‘Take it back now,’ I warn, not letting up. A bit of pee between husband and wife is no skin off my nose.
‘I take it back!’
‘Are you leaving me, wife?’ I ask, giving her an extra-brutal squeeze.
‘Never!’ She gasps for breath, her body arching violently.
‘I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.’ I release her and she jumps up off the bed, holding herself between her legs. ‘Knock yourself out, lady.’
She pelts to the bathroom. ‘You bastard!’ The door slams and I chuckle to myself, following behind, though less speedily than Ava. I walk in to find her sitting on the loo. She scowls at me. I grin.
Stepping into the shower, I start belting out a bit of Justin Timberlake, squeezing some gel onto the sponge. ‘How was your day, dear?’ I ask.
‘Fine.’ Grabbing her toothbrush, she slaps on some paste and starts scrubbing. ‘’ought . . . orrow . . . ate . . . am . . . ryone . . . irthday.’
I look at her incredulously through the glass. ‘Wanna run that by me again?’
She spits out the paste. ‘On Saturday, everyone is coming around for your birthday barbecue.’
‘I’m not having a birthday barbecue,’ I say with utter finality, going back to scrubbing down. ‘We’ve discussed this.’
‘But—’
‘No buts, Ava. I’m not celebrat . . .’ I drift off, realising that I was about to break my own rule: no mentioning the dreaded number.
‘Celebrating the fact that you’re turning fifty?’ She cocks her head at me, her toothbrush going back into her mouth.
I flinch as I rub some shampoo into my hair. ‘I’m not turning fifty,’ I mutter, hearing her sigh. It’s fine for her. She’s still fresh as a daisy at thirty-eight. Thirty-fucking-eight! That’s pretty much how old I was when I met Ava. Look how fast the years have whizzed by. If the next twelve years roll by as quickly, I’ll be drawing my pension soon. My stomach churns with dread.
‘You’re still my god,’ Ava says softly, pulling my attention back to her. She’s just outside the shower now, looking at me closely.
‘I know.’
‘And you’re still the handsomest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.’
‘I know.’ I shrug.
‘And you still fuck like a god on steroids.’ She pushes her lips into the glass and kisses it.
‘Yeah, I know.’ I meet her lips on the other side.
‘Then what’s the problem, you gorgeous god?’
‘Nothing,’ I sigh. I’m being stupid, but fifty sounds so much older than forty-nine. I shut the shower off, and she moves back for me to get out, handing me a towel. I rub myself down and go to the mirror, looking myself up and down. Solid. It’s all solid. As hard today as it was twelve years ago. And my face. Rough with four days’ worth of stubble, and my skin is fresh. Quite honestly, I don’t look much different. I know that. But it’s more psychological. Fucking fifty.
A pair of arms comes around my waist, and her naked front pushes into my back, hugging me. ‘You’re beautiful and all mine,’ she says, making me smile.
‘That’s my line.’
She releases me and steps to the side, looking up at me. ‘Don’t get a complex. It doesn’t suit you.’
I nod my agreement, kicking myself up the arse. What’s up with me? I look good, my wife is wonderful, and my kids are the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen. I’m the luckiest man alive. I need to sort my shit out. I turn to the cupboard above the sink and grab down my deodorant. Ava’s small pill packet catches my eye. ‘You taken your pill today?’ I ask.
‘Oh, I forgot. Pass them here.’
‘Really, Ava?’ I grab them and thrust them into her hand. ‘Don’t forget shit like that.’ I shudder.
She ignores my evident dread and pops one, swallowing it with some water. ‘So about the school party . . .’
‘I’ve told her she can go,’ I say before messing with my hair and wandering back into the bedroom. ‘But I’m taking her there and collecting her afterwards, and she’d better answer my calls or I’m going in.’ I pull some boxers on and snap the waistband. ‘So you can stop with your nagging.’
‘I don’t nag,’ she spits indignantly.
‘Not much.’
‘Do you want a slap, Ward?’
‘Do you want a Sense Fuck, Mrs Ward?’ I cock my head expectantly and watch as the rush of desire returns swiftly to her cheeks. That look alone brings my dick back to life. Oh, damn, I need her again.
‘Dad!’ Jacob’s voice invades the bedroom, and my cock shrivels to nothing. Ava sags, clearly disappointed that another Danger Fuck is now off the cards. Because the danger has just made its presence known. ‘Dad, you coming to play?’
‘On my way, mate,’ I call, slipping on my shorts.
‘Cock blocker,’ Ava grumbles, giving me her cheek when I approach.
I kiss her lightly around my smile, and she pushes her flesh onto my mouth. ‘Sleepy twilight sex by the pool tonight?’
Her eyes light up like sparkling diamonds. ‘Deal.’
I grab my trainers and head for the door. ‘And the next time you use that dildo without me, there will be no loving for a whole week.’
‘What?’ Her shock is clear.
‘You heard.’
‘You couldn’t live without it for a week either, Ward. You’ll be punishing yourself more than me.’
I smile, taking the stairs two at a time. She’s right. ‘Then it’ll be a week of Apology Fucks instead.’ Ava’s mouth around my cock every day, twice a day for a week isn’t something to be sniffed at.
‘Fine by me.’
I laugh and hurry to the courts.
Chapter 3
‘Happy birthday, dear Jesse! Happy birthday to you!’
The chanting of my closest family and friends is enough to make me want to go on a rampage to track down the key to eternal youth. I can’t even see my fucking birthday cake through the raging fire on top of it. Fifty. How the fuck did this happen? Fifty! Maybe I could forget – God, would I love to forget – but my darling wife won’t let me, and in addition to the forest fire cooking my cake, there are balloons and banners plastered all over the house and garden, just in case the fact that I’m an old bastard had escaped me.
‘Anyone got a fire extinguisher handy?’ I ask, sucking as much air into my lungs as I can manage. I’m gonna need it.
‘Oh no,’ I hear Maddie breathe. ‘He’s going to trample the cake.’
I roll my eyes and blow out the candles while everyone has a laugh at my expense. Sam slaps me on the back and grins.
‘Don’t say a word,’ I warn before my friend can hit me with some sarcastic wisecrack. ‘You’re no spring chicken yourself.’
He laughs and cocks his head. I wish I could be as complacent about my age. ‘I’m a few years behind you, my man. Don’t tar me with the same old brush.’
‘Fuck you.’
‘Jesse Ward!’ Ava’s mother cries, placing her hands over Maddie’s ears while sharply nodding at her husband, Joseph, to take care of Jacob’s. My father-in-law doesn’t even bother, and instead ruffles my boy’s hair on a smile filled with pride. Maddie shrugs her nan off and starts picking off the candles on my cake, counting them as she does, just to rub salt into my wounds. She gets to thirteen before a heavily pregnant Kate intervenes.
Ava’s best friend smiles down at my girl, who’s now looking up at her in question. ‘Let’s not upset your dad any more,’ Kate says quietly, but not too quietly that I miss it. She flicks her eyes to mine, and the smile I had pointed at her swollen belly drops when I catch her smirking at me.
‘This is the worst party ever.’ I huff my way to the kitchen to get a Bud, considering the benefits of getting blind drunk. And then I immediately scold myself for thinking such thoughts. Never. I pull the fridge open and make fast work of knocking the cap off a bottle.
‘I’d ask you if you want something stronger, but I know you’re not up for it,’ Sam says, wandering into the kitchen as I slam the fridge door.