‘She said it’s the same thing, especially when the perusing is done at Jesse Ward’s level of pursuing.’
‘It’s . . . no . . . she . . .’ I huff and turn, marching to the master suite. I’m not arguing with an eleven-year-old. ‘Your mother loved me stalking her,’ I snap over my shoulder.
‘You said you pursued her.’
‘Same thing.’ I slam the door to our dressing room behind me and yank my T-shirt over my head. ‘The girl will be the death of me,’ I mumble, chucking it in the wash basket.
Maddie barges in, forcing my hands to pause on the fly of my leathers. ‘I’m going to the disco without you, and I will wear what I like.’
‘You are not going.’ I just manage to hold back my bad language. ‘End of.’
‘You’re so mean!’ she yells, her cheeks flushed with anger.
‘I know!’ I shove my hands into the waistband of my leathers, ready to push them down. ‘Are you scramming? Because I’m about to get naked.’
Her pretty little face screws up in utter disgust. ‘Ewwww.’ She makes a hasty exit, leaving me looking down at my torso. Ewwww? The fucking cheek. I might be fifty soon, but I’m still fucking prime. Ask my wife. And every other woman on the planet. Ewwww?
I kick off my leathers and drop to the floor, smashing out fifty press-ups, muttering and cursing as I do. I should have stayed at the health club.
After yanking on some clean shorts, I turn to head downstairs, noticing a pile of clean laundry on the bed. I do what any decent husband would do: I gather it up and go back to the dressing room to put it away. I place my socks and boxers in the designated drawers, leaving me with a pile of Ava’s knickers in my palm. I grin at the stacks of lace, unable to stop myself from bringing them to my nose and inhaling the clean smell of laundry mixed with Ava’s lingering scent. I hum and close my eyes, planning tonight’s intimate time. I see a Sense Fuck in the not too distant future. I’ll make my wife see that it would be most unwise for us to let Maddie go to the school party without a chaperone.
‘Dad?’
I swing around and find Jacob hovering at the doorway. His handsome face is quite alarmed. ‘Oh, hey.’ I quickly pull the lace away from my nose and smile awkwardly.
‘Are you smelling Mum’s knickers?’
I laugh like a twat, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. My kids do fuck all for my ego. ‘Just checking they’ve been washed,’ I say, turning my back on him and opening Ava’s knicker drawer.
‘You’re weird sometimes, Dad.’ Jacob sighs from behind me, and I cringe, but my cringe turns into a frown when I spot something in the corner of Ava’s drawer. It’s not the something that’s the problem. It’s the fact that it’s in a different corner from this morning. I snarl at the diamond-embellished vibrator, or the Weapon of Mass Destruction, as my wife likes to call it, and slowly push the drawer closed. She isn’t wrong. It does destroy. It destroys my fucking ego. Has she been using it without me? Giving her pleasure to a fucking machine?
Casting my grievance aside, just for now, I turn towards my boy. ‘What’s up, mate?’ I ask, wandering over to him and throwing my arm around his shoulders, walking us out of the dressing room.
‘One of my friends from school, Sonny, has invited me to Old Trafford with his parents to watch United. They’re playing Arsenal. Can I go?’
I smile to myself, looking down at Jacob as he looks up at me, all hopeful and with a little worry. I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking that football is our thing, and I might not like him doing it with someone else. I take him training, I watch every match, I make a point during the football season of a monthly boys’ day out, just me and him. All boys’ stuff, where there are no women driving us nuts. ‘Sure you can.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’
I lean down and sink my face into his mop of dirty-blond hair. My boy. My beautiful, laid-back boy. ‘Hey,’ I say, releasing him from my clinch when something comes to me. ‘Mum mentioned something about a crush.’ I raise my eyebrows in question.
Jacob rolls his eyes and makes his way to his bedroom. ‘I don’t have a crush, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell Mum.’
I grin. ‘Playing it cool, eh?’ That’s my boy.
‘What, like you did with Mum?’ He turns and catches me scowling. And another head shake. ‘I’m going to polish my trophies.’ He disappears into his bedroom, leaving me on the landing.
I zoom back to the dressing room, grab her vibrator, and head back out. A quick check of Maddie’s room tells me she’s sulking on her bed and will be lost in her mood for a good hour. A quick check of Jacob’s room tells me he’s already lined up his football trophies and will be lost in polishing those for at least two hours.
I hurry downstairs, brandishing Ava’s vibrator like a sword in front of me. ‘How many times do we need to go over this?’ I ask, entering the kitchen. ‘All of your pleasure comes from me.’
I come to a screaming halt when I find that my wife isn’t alone. Oh shit.
‘Elizabeth!’ I yelp, my hand frozen in mid-air.
‘Oh . . . my . . . God,’ she breathes, looking at Ava in question. My wife’s face is a picture of horror.
‘Oh . . .’ The vibrator glows at me, and I rush to hide it behind my back. ‘Always nice to see you, Mum.’
Elizabeth sighs, turning to her daughter and kissing her cheek. ‘I’ll call before I drop by next time, darling.’
‘Good idea,’ Ava mutters, her horrified face turning into an expression that suggests I’m in for it. My idiotic smile widens.
‘I’ll be on my way. Your father needs picking up from the golf course.’
I wave at Ava’s mother with my empty hand as she approaches me, shaking her head. ‘You’re not staying?’ I ask out of politeness. After twelve years, we still have a love/hate thing going on.
‘Don’t pretend you want me to.’
The vibrator behind my back feels like it’s pulsing in my grasp, reminding me that I still have unfinished business to clear up with my wife. But then the device is suddenly snatched from my hand.
‘What’s this?’ Maddie asks, holding up the huge dildo. Every muscle I have fails me, and I hear Ava and her mother gasp. My frozen state means Maddie has a chance to investigate her find, flicking at the buttons on the shaft. The vibrator jumps to life in her hand, and she screams, dropping it to the floor, where it proceeds to dance around our feet.
‘What is that?’ she cries.
‘That’s a weapon of mass destruction!’ I blurt mindlessly, kicking it away.
‘What’s a weapon of mass destruction?’
‘A bomb!’ I grab Maddie and throw her over my shoulder, pelting out of the kitchen at top speed.
‘Quick, Dad! Before it explodes!’
Fuck me, how do I get into these situations? I race up the stairs and burst into Maddie’s room, throwing her on the bed in my usual fashion, and then watch as she giggles like girls do, brushing her hair from her face. Big, round, gorgeously dark eyes find me, and her giggles turn into hysterics as she rolls around on the bed clenching her tummy.
I drop down in an exhausted heap of dad next to her and pull her into my chest. ‘Come here, little lady,’ I sigh, taking the rare opportunity to grab a cuddle with my girl. She settles and lets me fuss over her for a few short minutes, still giggling every now and then. When she’s gathered her breath, she breaks free from my hug and sits up, crossing her legs and looking at me for a few thoughtful moments.
‘Daddy, please let me go to the disco.’ She holds up praying hands in front of her face and juts out her bottom lip in an adorable pout. Doomed. Fucking doomed. ‘I’ll let you approve my outfit.’
I hitch an eyebrow, a little surprised by her willingness to negotiate. Pushing myself up onto my elbows, I ponder her suggestion for a few moments. She’s being reasonable. I should try to follow her lead, no matter how much it pains me. I sigh and roll my eyes. That face always breaks down my determination. ‘I’m taking you there and picking you up. Ten o’clock at the very latest.’