‘Sam?’ she questions, but then quickly holds up her hand to halt my explanation. ‘Kate’s boyfriend!’ She sounds almost excited. ‘Kate told me all about him in the hospital. I cannot believe she’s pregnant!’
‘That’s right.’ I smile down at her gleaming eyes and then continue to walk her through all the guests at our wedding. It’s a lot to absorb, but she seems to take it in her stride.
‘And this is Georgia,’ I continue when we’re past the wedding shots.
‘Raya’s and Drew’s daughter?’
‘Drew’s her father, yes. He’s recently asked Raya to marry him. But Georgia’s mother’s name is Coral.’ I pause a beat, maybe thinking the name might spike something. Nothing. Her face is blank. ‘She tricked Drew into getting her pregnant because she was in love with me and tried to pass the baby off as mine.’ I quickly spit it all out and smile awkwardly when Ava swings disbelieving eyes onto me.
‘What?’ she asks, incredulous.
‘We had some real interesting times, you and me.’
She’s silent, just staring at me with round eyes. ‘How the hell did our relationship survive all this?’
That gets my back right up, and my epic scowl must tell her so. ‘Because we were made for each other, that’s why. Because I loved you and you loved me. We got through so much, and more, so I know we can get through this.’
‘You were a slut.’
‘Was. That changed the second I clapped eyes on you.’
She sniffs, casually returning her attention to the screen. ‘Except the time you cheated on me.’
For the love of all things calm, someone help me out! I breathe in and out slowly, forcing back my barrage of blue language and the temptation to deliver one huge fuck. I’m not sure which one would be most suitable for sarcasm. The Punishment Fuck, maybe? The Sense? I’m pondering that with far too much energy for a man in my situation, just punishing myself as a result. I need to pull this back to the important stuff.
‘Let me tell you about the time I made an Ava éclair out of you.’ I settle a little, reliving that wonderful night. ‘I slathered you in chocolate and cream and licked it off to my heart’s content. You stripped for me. It was sexy as fuck but hilarious watching you trying to gain the upper hand.’
She looks up at me with a soft smile and a hint of sadness behind her eyes. She wants to remember so much, and I can see with perfect clarity that it’s killing her that she can’t, just as much as it’s killing me.
‘You’ve not heard the half of it, Ava,’ I tell her. ‘The things we’ve done, the times we’ve had. So many amazing memories.’
‘I know.’ Her hand reaches for my face and cups my cheek, smoothing down my bristle. ‘And even if I can’t remember them right now, I love hearing you tell our story.’ She smiles. ‘Most of it, anyway.’
I close my eyes and nuzzle a little into her palm, kissing the centre. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I feel like she’s falling for me all over again. For the most part, being with each other today has been so easy and natural. Even the silly squabbles are us. Her reactions to me, in every way, are perfectly Ava and perfectly us. I ask myself if I would be satisfied with only finding her love again. Would it be enough without her memories? Of course, I’d make it enough. But part of our connection is everything we’ve shared since we met. The things that made us stronger. But it isn’t just about the things that brought us closer and made us stronger. It’s not just about piecing all that together for her and for me. There’s one thing that she just has to remember. Or two things. Maddie and Jacob. I can’t let those memories fade, no matter how many more we’ll create. She has to have all of their years back. She just has to.
My phone rings and Ava reaches for it. Jacob’s FaceTiming me, and as Ava stares down at his gorgeous face on my screen, I don’t have the faintest idea what to do. I don’t want to upset my boy and I don’t want to upset Ava. I’ve spoken to the kids twice every day, but only when Ava has been in the shower.
‘How come I can see his face?’ she asks, and I stall, confused for a moment.
Then I remember that my girl isn’t just missing sixteen years of memories. She’s missing sixteen years of technology advancement. ‘It’s FaceTime. Like a video call.’
‘Oh.’ Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth. ‘You should answer,’ she says, handing me my ringing phone. ‘I want to see them.’
I’m stunned. Happy but wary. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’ She thrusts the phone at me. ‘Answer.’
‘I don’t want to upset them, Ava,’ I say, hating myself for it. If I protect my kids, I hurt Ava. I can’t win this one.
The phone rings off, and sad eyes glance up at my useless form. ‘Please.’ She’s begging, and it’s like a knife through my heart. ‘I need to see them. To speak to them.’ She swallows, shaking her head to herself. I know there’s a part of her missing so much more than her memories and me. She’s spent countless hours in their bedrooms, just lying on their beds, hoping it’ll trigger something. Maybe I was wrong to send them away. ‘It’s an ache in here.’ Reaching up to her chest, she flattens her palm over her heart, and her wedding ring sparkles at me. ‘Today has been wonderful, and it would finish it off perfectly if I could see them.’
My throat clogs with guilt, sadness, and too many other emotions to swallow down at once. How can I refuse her? I take the phone from her hand and dial Jacob, forcing back any signs of apprehension. I sit back on the couch and encourage Ava to come close as it rings and connects. And then he’s there. My boy. His hair is damp and he’s in a wetsuit. ‘Hey, buddy.’
His face is halfway between excitement and uncertainty. ‘Mum?’
‘Hey,’ Ava chirps, genuinely happy. She can see her boy’s unease, and instinct is telling her to right it. My fucking heart booms in my chest.
There’s a few bangs in the background, a door, I think, and Jacob is suddenly ambushed by his sister. ‘Is Mum there?’ Maddie asks, a little frantic as she appears on the screen with Jacob. ‘Mum!’ She has no unease, just pure excitement.
Ava leans forward to get closer, touching the screen with her fingertip. ‘How are you two? Having fun with Nan and Pap?’
‘We’ve been surfing,’ Maddie tells her enthusiastically. ‘Well, me and Jacob did. Pap stuck to the boogie board.’ Ava laughs, and, God, I could cry. ‘Mum, did you get your memory back?’ Maddie, bored of surf talk, asks the question I knew she would, while Jacob would only think it.
Ava smiles. ‘We’ve made progress.’ She looks up at me. ‘Haven’t we, Dad?’ Her look suggests I should pull it together. I quickly brush at my eyes and clear my throat.
‘Great progress,’ I confirm.
‘Tell us what you’re doing,’ Jacob pipes up.
‘Your dad took me out on his bike today,’ Ava begins. ‘We had a walk in the park, stopped at a café, and ate my favourite for lunch.’ She smiles, and I resist the urge to remind her that she didn’t actually eat her favourite lunch. ‘Now we’re looking at pictures from our wedding.’
‘And do you remember any of it?’ Maddie’s dark brown eyes, a mirror image of her mother’s, glimmer with so much hope, I just can’t see it dashed.
‘There have been some things, yes,’ I jump in, putting my arm around Ava’s shoulders and squeezing her closer. ‘Like your mum knows things, but she’s not quite sure how she knows them.’
‘Like what?’ Jacob asks.
‘Like I knew how to ride on the back of Dad’s bike. But I don’t ever remember riding a bike before today. How cool is that?’ Ava claps her hands excitedly. All I can see is sincerity in her. Nothing but a mother’s desire to make sure her kids are happy and reassured, no matter what. Her way with them, even if she has no idea, is Ava through and through. It’s inside her, and it isn’t lost. ‘Then he took me on a romantic walk through the park to where we had one of our first dates.’