“Fucking hell, Daisy, your mouth.”
I freeze, as does Sarah. The water turns to ice as I stand there in silence and there’s a pounding in my head. She avoids eye contact as she stands and steps out of the shower, leaving me with my demon. The one thing we’ve always agreed on is that if we were to start seeing someone, we’d tell each other so we wouldn’t have awkward situations like the one that just occurred.
I shut the water off and step out. The apartment is silent, not even the sound of the television is heard. Wrapping myself in a towel, I walk into her bedroom and find her standing at the window with her bathrobe on.
“I can explain.” It’s my lame attempt at a half-assed apology. I should be over there, behind her, telling her how sorry I am for using another woman’s name while she was doing exactly what I wanted her to do.
“Who is she?” Sarah doesn’t turn around, leaving me unable to gauge exactly how she’s feeling. I run my hand through my hair and sigh. Dropping the towel, I reach into my bag and pull out my sweats and a t-shirt, forgoing underwear. Right now, I just want to be in clothes so when she kicks my ass out I’m not stark naked in the middle of downtown Seattle.
“She’s hard to explain,” I say as I try to think about how to describe Daisy to her. “We met last month, but I guess you can say I’ve been looking at her since last year. She’s a season ticket holder and we sort of stare at each other during the games.”
“That doesn’t sound creepy at all,” Sarah turns and when I look at her, her eyebrows are scrunched.
“It’s totally fucking creepy, but you didn’t need to point it out.” I sit down and rest my elbows on my knees, my wet hair dripping onto my white t-shirt. Sarah walks over, taking a seat beside me.
“There are support groups for people like you,” she says, but I can’t figure out if she’s making fun of me or being serious. I have a feeling the doctor part of her thinks I need mental help. Maybe I do.
“Do you have a number for me to call?”
She shakes her head and looks down. I’ve ruined everything and don’t know how to fix it. Taking her hand in mine, I turn my body to face her and pull her chin up so I can look her in the eyes.
“Sarah, I’m sorry for what just happened. I can’t explain it and will understand if you never want to speak to me again. Calling you by another woman’s name is beyond unacceptable and I never meant to disrespect you like this.”
Her face softens, and she leans into me. “I know why you did it.”
I laugh. “You’re in sports medicine, not psychotherapy,” I remind her.
“You’re in love.”
Her words cause the room to spin and my heart to stop. I’ve only loved one woman, aside from my mother, sister and grandmothers... and that woman was Sarah. Even in high school I knew I was in love with Sarah, and still, to this day I would do anything for her.
“Am not,” I childishly respond.
“Ethan, right now I want to punch you in the gut and maybe kick you in the junk, but I know how much you value your manhood so I won’t do that. But come on, we’ve been together for years and even after we broke up and you were sleeping with other people, you never once called me by another woman’s name. I’m not exactly happy about it, but I’m willing to concede my reign over your dick and let another woman have at it, as long as you admit to yourself that you’re in love.”
The words “am not” repeat in my head, but I hold them back for fear she might make good on her word and pummel me. I’d deserve it if she chose to, so I’m going to sit here and play dumb.
“Doesn’t matter because I’m stupid and girls are too hard to read.”