“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that your entire family treats you like you’re some kind of crown prince. The world revolves around you, and you get whatever you want whenever you want it. So when I just need a little time to myself, a little headspace, you can’t deal with that.” Wow. I hadn’t even known I felt that way until the words came out. But I do.
“And she goes right for the personal attack. Nice.”
“I’m not attacking you! I’m just saying that most guys would understand if sometimes I need to help my sister—”
“Most guys? Or David Fields?”
“Are you serious? That again? You know what the situation is, that we both—”
“You ate lunch with him! I was waiting for you, and you just sat down and ate with him! Don’t pretend that’s about Ivy.”
“Yeah,” I say. “What a betrayal. I actually talked to a male human being who wasn’t you. I totally forgot that when you go out with someone, you’re supposed to cut off all communications with the opposite sex. Next thing you know, I’ll forget to keep my chastity belt locked whenever we’re apart.”
“Sure that hasn’t happened already?”
I stare at him. “Jesus. What are you accusing me of exactly?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “Maybe you should tell me.”
I breathe in sharply. “Wow. I guess the part of the relationship where we trust each other is officially over.”
“Just that part?” he says softly.
And, like that, we break up.
James drives me home—?he would never leave me stranded—?but we don’t say anything in the car, and when I get out, all I say is a stony “Thanks for the ride,” and all he says is a cold “You’re welcome.” I slam the door shut and run inside and upstairs to my room, where I throw myself on my bed and burst into tears.
Ivy was curled up with her iPad, but now she sits up. “What’s wrong, Chloe?”
I roll onto my back. Tears run down my temples and into my hair. I can feel them sliding along my scalp. “James and I broke up.”
“Is your heart broken?”
Trust Ivy to say something that makes me almost want to laugh, even though I’m in pain. “A little bit, I guess.”
“Maybe if you told him you were sad, he’d want to get back together.”
I shake my head, and a tear slips into my right ear. “I don’t want us to.”
“You don’t? Why are you crying, then?”
“It’s just sad.” I turn onto my side so I can look at her. “He’s really great, and I really love him, but I think we want different things from each other right now.”
“What do you want from him?”
“I don’t know. Just for him to be supportive, I guess.”
“He’s not supportive?”
“Sometimes. But he was feeling like I didn’t care enough about him.”
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Care enough about him?”
“I thought so.”
“I still don’t understand why you broke up,” she says, a little plaintively. “It doesn’t sound like anything was that bad.”
“It’s complicated.” I roll back and look at the ceiling. My tears have stopped. Now I just feel tired. “People are complicated.”
“If Diana and I went out, I would never break up with her.”
“You say that now, but things change. You might meet someone you like even better.”
“Is that what happened? Did James meet someone he liked better than you?”
“I don’t think so.” But that makes me wonder. Could he have?
Nah. He wasn’t planning to break up with me tonight—?everything was fine until suddenly it wasn’t.
“I thought maybe you guys would get married,” Ivy says. “People sometimes marry their high school boyfriends.”
“Not often, though.”
“Mom and Dad met in college.”
“Yeah, that happens more often.”
“If you want to cry more, you can. I don’t mind.”
“Thanks. Is it okay if I stop talking now?”
“Do you want me to stop talking too?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay,” she says. “But I’ll come sit with you.”
“That would be nice.”
So she comes over to my bed and sits down on the edge. I lie there, my arm over my forehead, too tired to move. She pats my leg a couple of times, not saying anything, just keeping me silent company until I tell her I’m going to get ready for bed and then she goes back to hers.
Getting ready for bed and actually falling asleep—?two very different things. The first is easy. The second . . . not so much. Not when your day has left you reeling.
My thoughts don’t even know where to land. I can’t decide which is the more unsettling thing—?that James and I have just broken up or that Ivy’s gay and I hadn’t noticed.
I’m sad that James and I aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend anymore—?my tears were real—?but I’m not devastated. I even feel maybe a tiny bit of relief mixed in with the sadness. He’s right: things have been moving in a weird direction with us for a while. Lately I’ve been finding myself more and more irritated by things he says. I’m hurt that he could say goodbye to me this easily, and I’m scared about losing my constant companion, and my ego is going to miss having the best-looking guy in our school at my beck and call . . . but I don’t feel like I’ve lost the Great Love of My Life. I’ll date a lot of other guys, and some of them may even understand what it’s like to want to do whatever you can to help your sibling, because they’ll feel the same way about theirs. Like David does.
Of course, my imaginary future boyfriends won’t be like David in other ways, because . . . David.
And that brings me back to Ethan and Ivy.
Ugh. What a mess I’ve made.
Twenty-Seven
DAVID AND I walk up to the Starbucks at the exact same moment. We say hi, and David opens the door. “After you,” he says with a gesture.
“Wow. When did you become domesticated?”