Raleigh
Quickly approaching rock bottom as far as money is concerned. I haven’t paid the rent yet. Tonight I bought a box of pancake mix, a dozen eggs, and a pint of milk. I have $5 to my name, and even that is owed.
April 7, 1981
Raleigh
“Base metals. There is no gold.” I took my fraternity pin, the one I found last year, to two pawnshops, thinking I could use the money to settle my phone bill. They want $65 right this minute. Every time I go to pay in person, they have me dial 2. That puts me in touch with a professional scolder who tells me I wouldn’t be in this fix if I had paid my bills when they were due. I tried today to put down $5, and the woman laughed in my face and gave me until Friday.
On returning home, I called Joe, who might have some work for me. Then I called Lou Stark and agreed to paint her living room in exchange for $20 and some food. I’m getting $159 back from the IRS, so in a pinch I could ask Mom to front it for me.
April 8, 1981
Raleigh
I worked for Joe today, cleaning windows in a passive solar house owned by a marriage counselor and his wife, a home-ec teacher. He has work for me tomorrow as well. On the ride home with S., I smoked a joint. It was too early for me, but I couldn’t say no. So there I was, high at three o’clock in the afternoon. Later I rode my bike downtown, feeling refreshed. Bought some tempera paint and some milk.
A phone call:
Woman: Hello, David?
Me: Yes.
Woman: This is Sandra.
Me: Do I know you?
Woman: Yes, you know me.
Me: From where?
Woman: Oh, come on, you slept here last night.
Me: You must have the wrong David. This is David Sedaris.
Woman: I know. You slept here last night and left your jockstrap.
Me: I don’t even own a jockstrap.
Woman: You sound like some kind of faggot to me.
(She hangs up, which is unfair, as I didn’t get a chance to respond.)
April 12, 1981
Raleigh
Friday night we went to dinner at the Villa Capri. Mom got lost on the way there. She took two or three incorrect turns and wound up jumping the median when she realized we were in the wrong lane and a car was heading directly toward us. Her excuse was that she hadn’t had a drink yet.
April 16, 1981
Raleigh
I modeled for Susan’s drawing class this afternoon and had an eerie feeling that everyone was staring at me. Half an hour of thirty-second poses, then an hour and a half of five-minute poses. The class was told to emphasize my head, face, and shoulders. I brought a bag of tricks and disguises. I picked my nose, sucked my thumb, sulked, wore a cylinder on my head, prayed, really pulled out all the stops. I’d never model naked, but with clothes on it’s all right.
April 17, 1981
Raleigh
Today I dug a ditch and later it rained, so I finished painting Lou Stark’s living room. She paid me $20, bean-burger mix, and four turkey legs. One of them I took upstairs to Gretchen’s cat, Neil, who had been asleep on a blanket and wheezed with delight.
April 21, 1981
Raleigh
I thought I was back to eating pancakes. They’re nothing to look forward to, but a box of the instant mix (just add water) is only $1.05 at Big Star. I’d just stirred up a batch when Mom came by with some groceries. I accepted them reluctantly—“Aw, what are you doing?”—but am so grateful. In the bag was a chicken, a brick of frozen flounder, orange juice, a can of peaches, a loaf of bread, and a can of pinto beans. The only way to assuage my guilt is to make a super-beautiful papier-maché rabbit for next Sunday. I started one a few days ago, and as of now it looks more like a dog than a Greek Easter bunny.
July 3, 1981
Raleigh
There is a new cancer that strikes only homosexual men. I heard about it on the radio tonight.
July 13, 1981
Raleigh
Joe interviewed a carpenter named T.W. for a job and asked at the end, “Now, do you have any questions for me?”
“Yeah,” T.W. said. “Did you get any pussy last night?”
July 14, 1981
Raleigh
I’ve had it with construction work. Today I:
stepped on three nails
was stung by a bee
fell off a flatbed truck
lost control of a wheelbarrow and drove it into a tree with everyone watching
The day started when I went with Joe to the labor pool and picked up a man named Luther, who is black and has five kids. He can push a full wheelbarrow up a ramp with no problem. He can carry sixteen two-by-fours at one time. “I got five kids, so I can do anything,” he kept saying. His only question—and he asked it all day—was “What’s he doing here?” Meaning me.
Luther laughed hardest when I fell off the truck. When I returned from the van after looking for staples, he said I’d been gone so long he figured I’d walked into town. That got a great response. In total, he told on me three times.
To top it all off, after coming home and cleaning up, I went next door to the IHOP and was ignored by all the waitresses, who are mad at me for some reason.
July 17, 1981
Raleigh
T.W. the carpenter looks like Hansel from the fairy tale. Not Hansel grown-up, but just Hansel bigger. He has a Dutch Boy haircut and went to Vietnam in 1968. “You ever seen an anteater?” he asks.
“No.”
“What about your uncle?”
T.W. is married to Candy, and they have two daughters, Raelyn and Lacey. They’re not allowed to date until they’re sixteen. That’s the rule, and the older one has been complaining about it. “She’s hot as a nigger bride,” T.W. says. For lunch today he had a Little Debbie cake, a Mello Yello, and a can of Beanee Weenees.
July 20, 1981
Raleigh
Today I applied insulating jackets to Rob’s water heaters. He’s the owner of the house we’re working on, and sometimes he can be obnoxious. “Well, that’s a Jew for you,” Bobby, one of the carpenters, said.
To make him uncomfortable, I told him that I was Jewish. Bobby then explained that there are two kinds of Jews. “There are Jews and then there are Jews,” he said.
Bobby’s wife was in a trailer fire. There are eleven kids in his family. I questioned his constant use of the word nigger, and afterward he and T.W. used it nonstop just to annoy me.
August 2, 1981
Raleigh
Ronnie is incensed over the royal wedding. “Did you know that silkworms spun the fabric for her dress?”
“Silkworms spin everyone’s silk,” I told her. “That’s where silk comes from.”
Somewhere she heard that four hundred bears were killed and turned into hats. We went to the movies, and all I thought the entire time was Where on earth does she get her information from?
August 12, 1981
Raleigh