“Ancient history! I can’t forget about all the times that I had to take care of his drunk ass when I was the kid. I was the one who needed to be taken care of. Throwing money at a problem doesn’t make it go away.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Landon said with a sigh. He walked forward to me and handed me the letter. “But the last thing I said to my dad before he died was something horrible, and I would give anything to have one more day with him. One more moment to make things right. But I will never have that. You have that, and you’re throwing it away.”
I felt like I had been burned with a cigarette. I recoiled back from the statement as tears sprang to my eyes. Never in the six years that my dad was gone had I once thought about actually reading his letters, actually talking to him. But I’d never thought about it like Landon had. If I could, wouldn’t I do everything to have one more day with my mom? My dad might be horrible. He might have ruined my life and his own, but maybe I was in the wrong for not giving him a second chance.
Landon’s arms were around me as all these emotions hit me at once. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to decide today. I just don’t want you to ignore him forever and live to regret never having a relationship with him again.”
“I don’t know if I can.” I sniffled.
“You’ll know when it’s time.”
I pulled back and peered down at the letter. My heart constricted. I didn’t know if I had the strength today. I needed more time to contemplate it.
“Not yet,” I whispered. “Will you…will you be here when I’m ready?”
“Always,” he told me. “I will always be here when you need me.”
I leaned back into his embrace, my mind trapped on the box of letters hidden away in my closet. The thought of going them, of ripping open years of wounds, left me drained, and I hadn’t even touched them yet. I was scared of what I would find—that, as right as I thought I was about my father, I might also be wrong. What if I had wasted six years for nothing? And worse…what if everything I had done to shield my heart from him was for no good reason?
Landon left later that night when I got a text from Emery, saying that she was on her way home. He needed to get his stuff home and change out of his own travel clothes. Plus, he didn’t want to run into Jensen just yet. I knew that conversation was probably going to have to come up again, but neither of us wanted it to be like this.
Emery showed up with Jensen, as expected. It made me happy for my friend and jealous that she didn’t have to hide anything. But, when she saw me sitting in the living room, watching Moana, she shooed him out of the apartment, and we spent the rest of the night catching up while she finished some last-minute grading.
“So, you’re actually going to read the letters?” Emery asked in shock.
“I don’t know. I think…I’ll know when it’s the right time. Right?”
“Lover girl, you’ve been waiting this long. Are you sure you’ll know? Maybe you should do it now and get it over with.”
“No, Landon said he’d be here with me. I think I’ll need all the emotional support I can get.”
“Well, I’m here, too.”
“I know,” I said as I leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Oh, Heidi, so forward.”
“You like it.”
She giggled. “Totally. I would so be bi for you.”
“Same.”
We looked at each other and then burst into laughter. It was a fun night. A chill night. One that I hadn’t realized how much I needed. I had the best, best friend in the world. And I knew I was lucky to have known her my entire life.
Our night ended too soon, and then it was back to the grind. I knew that Landon would be in early on Monday morning as usual, and I made sure to avoid his desk at all costs. I didn’t trust not to give myself away when I looked at him.
I plopped down next to Matt.
“Hey, Heidi!” he said with buoyancy I hadn’t seen from him…ever.
“Hey, Matt.”
“How was your weekend?”
I froze momentarily, surprised by the question. “Uh…good. I didn’t do much. How about you?”
“I met someone,” he gushed. “She’s gorgeous, and it just clicked.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t asked about my weekend because he actually cared. As per usual Matt. He had asked because he had news, and he wanted to share.
“Oh, yeah? A new girl? That’s exciting. Where did you meet her?”
“I was at a bar with some friends, and I met her there. Her name is Wendy, and she’s perfect for me. I just know it.”
“That’s amazing, Matt,” I said with a genuine smile.
If he had a girlfriend, that would mean he might stop asking me out.
“Yeah. I can’t wait for you to meet her. I know she’ll love you.”
I found that doubtful but told him how excited I was to meet her as well. I returned my gaze to my computer as Julia showed up at my desk.
“Heidi, can we talk?” she asked, nodding her head toward her office.
“Hey, babe. Yeah, totally.”
I followed her into her office and sank into the seat.
Julia slowly closed the door behind her. She stayed facing the door and sighed. “I want to know why you lied to me.”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Why did you lie to me, Heidi?”
“I don’t know what—”
“You said that you didn’t want to go shopping with me this weekend because Emery was out of town.” She turned to face me. “But you were with Landon this weekend.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. How did she know that?
“Right?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“In Atlanta at a golf tournament.”
“Yeah. How do you know that, Julia?”
She didn’t answer my question. She slowly walked to her desk and pivoted the computer screen to face me. On the screen was a video of me and Landon out on the course in Atlanta. He had his hand on the small of my back, and you could clearly see me leaning in to kiss him.
My hand flew to my mouth. “What…what is this?”
“It’s one of many videos forwarded to Dennis this morning. Then, they ended up in my inbox.”
Her hands were shaking when her eyes finally met mine.
“I’m sorry, Heidi. You’re fired.”
Thirty-Three
Heidi
Shock hit me with the force of a tidal wave.
I was knocked back, hurtling into oblivion, drowning in my own disbelief. I couldn’t process the words that Julia had said. They didn’t make sense. They weren’t logical. They weren’t something anyone had ever said to me.
A couple of days ago, I had been promoted, and now…this.
I opened my mouth to ask the most obvious questions. What? Why? How? But they didn’t come out. Nothing came out.
Tears hit me in the backs of my eyes, and I fought with everything not to let them fall. I swallowed them, refusing to submit to such humiliation. I wouldn’t ask. I wouldn’t beg. I wouldn’t grovel. I certainly wouldn’t fucking cry.
Not here.
Julia was one of my closest friends. I knew this was killing her to have to be the one to tell me. But, as head of HR, this was part of her job. She’d complained about firing other people before. It was her least favorite part of human resources. She thought it should be handled in each department, but everyone was always foisting responsibility off on someone else.
And now…she was…she was…