“Just don’t, okay?”
The elevator started dinging because Landon had been holding the doors open for so long. He did the unthinkable and stepped into the elevator with me. The doors closed noisily behind him, enclosing us together.
“What are you doing?” I whispered, my voice soft and breathy.
“Having that talk.”
He walked forward until only mere inches were between us. I was cursing and also silently thanking Wright Construction for having slow elevators. Because, the last time I had been this close to him, we’d made out. And, suddenly, I couldn’t get that thought out of my head. I knew I wanted it again. I could tell that he did.
Just because we had a connection didn’t mean we should act on it.
“This is not a good idea,” I muttered.
I should have said something more along the lines of, Get the fuck away from me, but my brain was not listening.
“Everything about you is a good idea, Heidi.”
“You are my boss.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“My job is too important to me. I can’t…I don’t want to do this.”
“Your job isn’t in jeopardy.”
“It is if you kiss me.”
He smiled that brilliant smile. My knees were wobbly. I could tell he liked that I was thinking about kissing him. I mentally kicked myself for bringing it up. But, with him this close, it was getting hard to think properly.
“Next time I kiss you, it will be because you’re asking me to, Heidi.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I assured him.
He grinned at me, as if he didn’t believe me. Right now…I didn’t believe me either.
“Can I see you later?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Heidi, come on. Give me a chance.”
“I mean, no…I have a date,” I said as the elevator reached the bottom floor, and the doors dinged open.
Landon took a shocked step back from me. “A date?”
“Yeah.”
“I see.”
“Yeah.”
Landon followed me out of the elevator. In the lobby, there were too many people with eyes that could be watching us from all directions. I suddenly felt exposed, as if everyone were staring at us. Even though no one else knew what had transpired between Landon and me a month ago…or in the elevator.
“How long has that been going on?” he asked, his voice tight and controlled.
“Dating? My whole life. Some guys take me out for food. Maybe a movie. Pretty sweet deal,” I said, trying for levity.
“You know what I mean.”
“A few weeks.”
“Since I left then?”
“You had nothing to do with this,” I lied.
“Heidi, you can’t—”
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” I hissed at him. “You made your decision, Landon, and now, I’m making mine.” My voice was barely above a whisper, but I still felt exposed from even uttering those words.
His eyes were two open windows, revealing every little thought that fluttered through his head. He was pissed and jealous and frustrated. He wanted to tell me not to go out with anyone. But he knew it was unfair. He knew he didn’t have the right to those feelings. He was the one who had fucked this up. Not me. He was the one who deserved to feel this way.
So, why did I feel so horrible when I finally walked away from him?
Emery was at the apartment when I showed up from work early. She would be starting her teaching job on Monday and had been in deep planning mode. She had been going into school early for the past couple of weeks for new teacher orientation. I thought it was smart that she was taking advantage of all this time to get ready for her big-girl job. But she thought I was a dick when I put it like that. I was her best friend, so she was probably right.
“Hey, sexy,” I said, wandering into Emery’s room.
“Hello, my lover,” Emery said with a wink.
“Still in major planning mode?”
“The majorest,” she said. “Look what came today.” She held up a standard-sized white envelope.
I knew what that letter was. She knew what that letter was. It came in every week. Every single week.
“Great,” I said, snatching it out of her hand and stuffing it into my purse, unopened.
“So, how was work?”
I wrinkled my nose. “It was work.”
She glanced up at me out of the corner of her eye. “You love your job.”
“Yeah, I do, but things have been…you know, rough lately.”
“Are you finally going to admit to me that this is about Landon?”
“Absolutely not.”
I plopped down onto her bed and watched her as she filed a bunch of paperwork. She was, as usual, dressed in black from head to toe and had her dark hair in a ponytail on the top of her head. No makeup, no fuss, and she was still gorgeous as hell.
“Fine. Then, how is it, having Landon as your boss?”
“Weird as fuck,” I admitted. “I mean, I know he’s a Wright, but we’re the same age. I’ve been doing this for six years, and he just dropped into the job.”
“Well, what do you expect when Jensen pulled strings for him?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t expected any different. “He’s doing fine, but it’s just…weird.”
“Weird because you’re into him or because of the whole situation?”
“Stop!” I groaned, flopping backward and staring up at the ceiling. “It’s because it’s Landon. You should get that.”
“I get it,” she agreed. “But, when you’re ready to tell me that you like him, I’ll be here to listen.” She stood and towered over me, which was a first, considering I was the giant and she was a shrimp.
“Whatever. I have a date tonight.”
“Oh, right,” Emery said, rolling her eyes. “Sounds fascinating. The wonderful, drool-worthy Nick.”
“You’re a shitty best friend.”
“Yeah, right. I’ve known you since kindergarten. I know when you’re playing along, and I know when you’re invested. You’re dating this Nick guy because Julia wants to have someone to hang out with her and Trevor.”
“But he is nice.” I sat up on my elbows.
“Nice? Gross,” she said, sticking her tongue out. “Whoever wanted nice? Try passion and fire and need. You can’t settle for someone who is nice. You want someone you can’t live without.”
“Thank you, Queen of Bad Relationships.”
Emery swatted at me. “Hey! I might have had some bad relationships in the past, but I give good advice.”
“So, you think I should cancel with Nick?”
“No!” she cried. “I think you should definitely go on a date with Nick. Then, you’ll realize what you don’t want. Because I already know it’s not him. You seem oblivious to it.”
I wasn’t oblivious to it. But he was a nice guy. I liked him just fine. There was absolutely nothing wrong with where our relationship was headed. But, as Emery had eloquently said, I could live without him. Very easily.
But that was also a problem with me as a person. I was resilient. After what had happened with my mom and then the shit that went down with my dad, I had to be. I didn’t need people. I could do everything on my own.
Emery was my real family. I loved her to pieces. She was the only person I’d ever come to say that I really needed. Because, without her, I didn’t know if I would have made it through those hard years.