After all, he’s her eternal love, and she’s praying they end up in the same place.
“Your phone is ringing,” Mikey whispers, brushing my hair over my shoulder, pulling me away from my thoughts. I grab my purse off the floor and sift through all the useless shit I stuff in there before pulling out my phone.
I don’t recognize the number, but it’s not the familiar numbers of creditors that are usually looking to get me. I accept the call.
“Hello?”
“Nikki, it’s daddy.”
My fingers tighten around the phone as tears cloud my vision. His voice is different; the baritone voice I remember is now hoarse and raspy—breathless.
“Nicole, are you there?”
“Yes,” I cry. “I’m here Dad.”
My mother lifts her head and her eyes peer into mine as I nod.
It’s really him.
Watching me intently, Mikey closes his hand over my knee.
“How’s my girl?”
It was a question I had heard him ask me countless times. A question I usually gave a half-assed answer to, but now it was a question that had tears uncontrollably rolling down my cheeks.
I’m not good.
I’m brokenhearted.
I’m scared of what the doctor’s going to say.
I’m scared I’m sick.
I’m scared to visit you because I know it’ll be the last time I see you.
I’m scared of losing you.
I’m scared of living without you.
I’m not good, Dad.
“I’m okay,” I lie, swallowing the lump clogging my throat and all the things I truly want to say.
“Your nose is growing,” he says, clearing his throat. “I spoke to your mom yesterday and she told me what’s been going on.”
Mikey stands and walks over to the nurse, returning with a box of tissues as he kneels before me and dries my eyes. As quickly as he wipes my tears they are replaced with new ones.
“I’m a little nervous,” I admit.
“I know you are, sweetheart, but you’re going to be fine,” he says adamantly. “You know how I know that?”
“How?” I ask, glancing across the room at my mother who was staring up above with tears running down her face.
Saint Anthony answered her prayer.
He doesn’t answer right away. I strain my ears to listen to the muffled sound of his cough and moments later his raspy voice returns.
“You’ve got a fire burning inside of you that nothing, and no one, will ever tame. You’re the most resilient girl I’ve ever known and you don’t know defeat, nothing will ever knock you down. You’re a fighter and only you determine when you’re done fighting. You’re the one in charge of that clock, sweetheart, and no one is going to count down the seconds and call you out.”
I bite my lip, listening as he draws in a deep breath. I close my eyes, envisioning him standing before me and speaking face to face instead of over the phone.
“Tell me something, Nikki, are you going to let anyone or anything call the shots in your life? Are you a fighter? Are you ready to back down?”
“No. I am a fighter and I don’t back down for anyone or anything…” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “Because my dad taught me to control my destiny. You taught me how to fight for what I want.”
“And what do you want most?”
Right now more than anything I want to hug you.
“To live out my dreams,” I whisper.
“Then what are you going to do?”
“Live out my dreams,” I answer.
“That’s my girl. Don’t you forget that. No matter what, don’t you forget that,” he insists.
“I won’t,” I promise.
“I love you, Nicole,” he whispers.
“I love you too, Dad,” I sob. “I’ll see you the day after next.”
“I’m looking forward to it, sweetheart,” he says. For the first time in a long time I hear my father’s voice crack, and I know he is crying right along with me.
“Nicole Pastore?” The nurse calls.
Not ready to hang up, I feel my heart shatter even more as I lift my head and stare at the nurse.
“The doctor’s ready to see me,” I say regretfully.
“Remember who’s in charge,” he says.
“Me,” I affirm.
“That’s right.”
I don’t want to hang up,” I admit.
“Go, I will see you in a few days,” he soothes. “It’s going to be okay, Nikki. I promise you it will be okay.”
I nod as if he is standing before me, clutching the phone as though it’s my salvation.
“I’ve got to go, sweetheart,” he says. “Keep shining,” he adds before ending the call.
You see what I mean? Your parents are never too far, always stepping in right when you need them. My dad called me to remind me of who I am, instilling all the values he taught me throughout the years. I’m a fighter and I always have the last word when it comes to the course of my life. Then, when I couldn’t bring myself to hang up, he did, knowing I needed that too.
I’m going to miss that.
Mikey takes my hands as I pocket my phone and pulls me to my feet.