The first thing she’d done was roll the windows all the way down. She didn’t want to spend another moment separated from the world around her.
And then she drove—stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks, not even bothering to plug her phone in when it died. Drove through five states: North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York. Her father and stepmother fell asleep around Virginia and passed unseeingly through Maryland, which seemed more like a rumor than a state, oblivious to the butterfly that splattered against their dusty windshield, its gorgeous patterned wings feathering off in opposite directions. They didn’t see the rows of crops that unfolded in different triangulating patterns, creating a moiré effect through the tinted windows; the electrical towers that marched across the plains; the antiabortion billboards; the pro-prayer billboards; the shredded plastic bags caught in cow fences. They didn’t see the chaotic, swirling flight of swallows as they left their nests under the highway overpass en masse, darkening the sky above their car. She drove for so long that eighty miles per hour started to feel like they were barely moving, like they were just floating along, a leaf in a stream. When she ran into traffic and had to slow down to sixty, it was like being mired in asphalt.
She drove and drove and felt like she was shrinking in her seat, shrinking until she was a tiny thing with fur, paws on the steering wheel, heading straight north. She saw herself on a hand-drawn map, one creature in a world of billions, a tiny light heading slowly north as the world spun below her. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, as the sun set and no moon rose to take its place, Grace knew with a calm certainty that her life was going to ripple ever outward until it encompassed the entire world.
三十九
Helios, NY
3,561 Miles
SAINA HAD JUST given up on flaking the filet of smoked whitefish neatly with a fork and had begun to wiggle her finger under its cold flesh, working along the delicate spine, when she heard a car horn blaring in the driveway. She dropped the fish, half torn, into a bowl that already held a pile of capers, chopped egg, and finely diced onion, and ran for the door. Halfway there, briny hands up in the air so that they wouldn’t drip, she stopped and turned back, guilty. Leo was still in the kitchen, searching her cupboards for the rye crackers that he liked. For a minute, she’d forgotten him entirely.
From outside, car doors slammed, and a second later Grace was banging on the front door.
Saina looked at her boyfriend. “Are you ready?”
“You know what? I’m actually a little nervous.”
She felt a flash of love for him—why do people’s vulnerabilities stab at our hearts?—but before she could say anything, Grace was in the front hall, shouting Saina’s name.
“You go have a family hello first,” he said. “I’ll open a bottle of something.” So she turned again and ran, and found that she couldn’t wait to throw her still-damp hands around her little sister.
They hugged, and then they hugged again. And then her father came in and slung an arm across her shoulders and surprised her by resting his cheek against hers, sighing. “It was a long trip. America is very wide.” Barbra, next to him, held his hand. Her left wrist was bandaged and a thin red scar snaked up her arm. She looked sweet and forlorn, and Saina gave in to the urge to embrace her, too.
“Oh, look at you guys! You’re all banged up! Dad, let me see your eye.”
He waved her off. “No problem! I have ice pack. Don’t worry.”
“Are you guys really okay?”
Charles, Barbra, and Grace crowded close to each other in the vestibule. They all nodded. “We are alive, so we are okay,” said her father.
She eyed them, skeptical. “Well, you must be so tired. Here, let’s leave the bags, Leo and I will get them later.”
As she shuffled them into the living room, Grace went back outside and returned with a flat cardboard envelope. “This was on the porch. Is it important?” Saina took it and, her attention on the meeting to come, peeled off the scored strip that zipped the whole thing shut. As soon as she lifted the flap, she realized what it was.
Coming in from the kitchen, Leo set down a tray with wineglasses and a bottle of bubbly rosé, then crossed the room with his hand extended, as if he’d met her father a thousand times before.
Still, she cringed. There was something about introducing a new boyfriend to her family that always felt rude, like she was putting her sex life on display. Greetings safely executed, Leo passed out glasses and poured them each a gorgeous, generous pink swig of wine, delighting Grace by not even hesitating over her glass.