The Upside of Unrequited

“Oh. This is Reid,” I say, trying to sound casual. Which shouldn’t be this difficult. This should be an effortlessly casual situation. “And this is my sister, Cassie.”


“Ohhhh. You’re the guy from work,” Cassie says.

There’s this hanging pause, during which Reid nods, and I blush, and Mina looks at Cassie, and then the freezer starts beeping. So, I shut it quickly, and pass the ice cream to Reid.

Super casual.

Though now Reid knows I’ve mentioned him to Cassie. Which is pretty great. Let’s just add him to the list of guys who now think I’m obsessed with them.

“Anyway, Olivia’s meeting us at the cheesecake place,” Cassie says. “Come with us.”

“Right now?”

She nods. “Put some ice cream in there, and let’s go.”

Reid has to go back to work, but he walks with us up Tulip Avenue, hugging the jar of cookie dough to his chest. He and Mina end up talking about this teacher from their school, and I’m still kind of thrown by the fact that they know each other. It’s not like I mind. But it’s this little shift in my head.

And I guess it kind of sucks that he seems to have forgotten about me. I mean, maybe this teacher they’re talking about is a really interesting person. None of my teachers are that interesting, to be honest.

But when we get to the cheesecake bakery, Reid turns to me suddenly. “Okay, well,” he says, and his hand hovers close to me, like he’s about to rest it on my shoulder. Or maybe he’s about to hug me.

Maybe.

It would definitely be cool if my brain could keep functioning right now.

But there must be a force field around me, because Reid whips his hand back and wraps his hands around the mason jar like a baseball bat.

“Cool. Well. I guess I’ll see you at work,” he says, waving briefly. Then he grips the mason jar even tighter and starts walking toward town.

“I can’t believe you work with Reid Wertheim,” Mina says, pushing through the door of the bakery. She holds the door for Cassie and me. “I’ve known him since first grade. He’s so sweet.”

“Just like someone else I know,” Cassie says, grinning and elbowing me. Because that’s the word I get, too. Sweet. I’m pretty famous for it, actually. Every yearbook I own is filled with: Ur the sweetest. Stay sweet. Sometimes spelled like “sweat.”

“He’s kind of cute,” Cassie adds. “What’s his deal?”

“Reid?” Mina asks.

“Yeah, like is he single?” asks Cassie, and my whole body goes on high alert.

I mean, Reid’s Facebook profile said Single. Capital S Single. But maybe he’s one of those people who never updates his profile. Not that it matters.

“Oh my God, this place is cute,” Mina says, peering up the staircase at the front of the bakery.

“Right?” Cassie says, taking the steps two at a time. Mina and I follow her up.

“So, this is literally a cheesecake bakery,” Mina says, laughing. “How did I not know about this?”

“I guess you should hang out here more or something,” Cassie says.

“I guess you’re right.” She smiles. And Cassie threads their fingers together, just for a minute. Probably no one even notices but me.

I look quickly away, eyes on the display cases. WHAT’S UP, CHEESECAKES? I’M JUST GOING TO STARE AT YOU FOREVER. Because when a tender moment happens between any two people, I turn into an eleven-year-old boy. It is my most consistent talent.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see Olivia show up.

We order some cheesecakes and bring them to a table. “So, wait. Back to Reid,” Cassie says, leaning toward her. “We still need the info on him.”

I could hug her.

Not that I care. I’m just curious. But still.

“Right,” Mina says. “Well, he’s definitely single. Oh God. How to explain Reid . . .” She tilts her head. “Like, he’s one of those Ren Faire guys. Season pass, full costume.”

Olivia smiles. “Aww. I love Ren Faire guys.”

“Yeah—I don’t know. I’d say he’s the kind of guy you marry, but not the kind of guy you date. Or have sex with.” Mina wrinkles her nose.

Which pisses me off. Are there really people who just aren’t the sex type? I mean, obviously there are asexual people, but that’s different.

I guess I’m wondering this: can a person be fundamentally sexually repulsive? I mean, maybe Reid’s not cool or muscular enough for sex. And if I like him anyway, what does that say about me? Is it because I’m scared to like someone hotter?

I’m not saying I like him. But if I did. Hypothetically.

I mean, Abby dates geeks. But when you’re that pretty, you can date anyone, and people know you picked the geek on purpose. Like, you could have had the hot guy, but you didn’t want him. But when you’re a fat geek who likes another fat geek, everyone assumes you’re settling.

I feel a little sick. I can’t explain it.

“Anyway, Will was seriously flirting with you last night,” Mina says.

“Um. Okay.”

I feel my face grow warm. I don’t know. I can’t entirely process the idea that someone like Will was actually flirting with me.

“It’s so perfect, too, because even if the boyfriend thing doesn’t work out, you could always hook up with him. He’s great about that. I promise, he wouldn’t even be weird about it the next day.”

I just look at her. To be honest, I kind of wonder how she knows that.

“Well, Molly would be weird about it,” Cassie points out. And under the table, she presses her foot against mine, side by side.

“I would not.”

“You would,” Olivia says.

I mean, they’re right. I’d be super weird. I’d get quiet and self-conscious, and I’d probably wonder for the rest of my life what Will thought about my kissing abilities. Or lack thereof.

I feel really jittery, all of a sudden, and I need to do something with my hands. I take out my phone, and I have two missed texts from Reid. I take a bite of chocolate cheesecake and tap into my messages.

Okay, so my official assessment of the cookie dough is:

Cat emoji with heart eyes. Thumbs-up emoji. Trophy emoji. Beefy muscle arm emoji. Blissful eyes-closed smiling emoji.

And there’s that same soft prickle in my abdomen.

He’s pretty good with emojis.

Olivia leaves to hang out with her mom, but Cassie, Mina, and I spend the afternoon wandering around the back streets. Just the three of us. I feel a little strange, like maybe I’m vag-blocking them just by being here. But every time I try to leave them alone, they follow me.

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