“But at some point, you have to put yourself on the line. You know?”
Okay. I know she’s right. I mean, my brain knows it. But I can’t seem to get the rest of me on board. It’s like trying to hold my breath. There’s this protective thing inside of me that opens my mouth, unpinches my nose.
“I know,” I say.
“Like, say Will knew you were interested. What’s the worst that could happen? He’d reject you? So what? You move on to crush number twenty-eight.”
Move on. So what.
But there’s this awfulness that comes when a guy thinks you like him. It’s as if he’s fully clothed and you’re naked in front of him. It’s like your heart suddenly lives outside your body, and whenever he wants, he can reach out and squeeze it.
Unless he happens to like you back.
I don’t want to third-wheel it with Cassie and Mina, so I end up going to a parade-watching party near the Dance Exchange with my moms. And Xav. And Grandma. Wild times. It’s hosted by these people Nadine knows from baby group, so the party is full of babies.
I am seventeen years old, and this is my social life.
Xav immediately starts climbing on some other baby’s stroller, and my moms and Grandma drink lemonade on the front steps. All the adults are super relaxed. There are boobs out all over the place, and half-naked toddlers with foam pool noodles, and cloth diapers everywhere. I recognize a few of the adults, who seem to know I’m one of Xavier’s sisters, but don’t know which one. I don’t think they actually care which one I am. They mainly seem interested in where I’m applying to college.
I mean, maybe I should start carrying flyers with my list of schools, ranked by preference. Or maybe—maybe—these random adults should reflect on why they give a shit in the first place.
“Hey,” Nadine says, catching my eye. “You okay?”
“What?”
“You seem, like . . . kind of surly.”
“I’m feeling kind of surly.”
“Okay, well, now you’re smiling,” she says. “Way to ruin it.”
But she’s right: I am surly and moody and not quite myself. This must be a hangover thing. Or a Cassie-making-my-brain-hurt thing. Either way, I am clearly unfit for human company right now. But then I glance across the street, just in time to see Reid step onto the sidewalk.
Reid Wertheim. Here, of all places. And he looks as surprised to see me as I am to see him. I cross the street to greet him. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here.” He points to a little blue bungalow.
“No way.” I grin.
He grins back, and for a minute, we’re both quiet. But my heart beats really quickly, and it’s actually kind of nice.
“So, what are you doing here?” he asks.
“I’m, uh.” I glance across the street at the party house, and of course, Patty, Nadine, and Grandma are all watching me. BREAKING NEWS: MOLLY IS SPEAKING TO AN ACTUAL BOY. TUNE IN NOW AS THE STORY UNFOLDS. I mean, at least my moms have the dignity to glance away when I catch them. Grandma gives me a thumbs-up.
I turn to Reid quickly. “Want to take a walk?”
“Oh. Sure!” He does this flush-cheeked kind of smile. “But I have to be back at the store in about forty-five minutes. I was just grabbing lunch.”
“Wait, I don’t want you to miss your lunch.”
“I don’t care. I’d rather walk around with you. Really.”
Oh. My heart is pounding. Why is my heart pounding?
We walk up Maple, and I feel tongue-tied. Not even tongue-tied. I mean, my tongue isn’t the problem. It’s my brain. It’s like this: Me: Hey, brain. Let’s think of something cool to say!
Brain: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Me: Okay, it doesn’t have to be cool. Just something semi-coherent . . .
Brain: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Me: COME ON, BRAIN, GIVE ME SOMETHING.
Brain: white noise
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Hey, how’d the cookie dough turn out?” Reid asks finally.
“Oh!” I laugh. “I actually did save you some.”
“Really?” His eyes light up behind his glasses.
“Really! And it came out awesome.” Finally, finally—something unlocks in my brain, and I’m me again. “I think it tastes better than regular cookie dough. The consistency’s slightly different. But in a good way. You’ll like it.”
“I know I will.”
“We can grab it right now, if you want. It’s just at my house.”
Which is two blocks away. I live two blocks from Reid.
I have to admit, there’s something quietly thrilling about this. I’m bringing a boy to my house. For cookie dough purposes. Totally platonic. But still. A boy. My house.
“You know, I didn’t put this together before,” Reid says, following me through the back door, “but I actually walk by your house sometimes with my cat.”
I smile up at him. “With your cat? Like on a leash?”
“Yeah, it has a little harness thing on it. But just the gray cat. Elefante.” He shrugs. “The other ones aren’t into it.”
“I can’t believe I’ve never noticed you walking a cat in front of my house.”
“Maybe I should stop wearing my invisibility cloak.”
I laugh and head toward the kitchen. “So, the cookie dough is in the fridge. Do you want vanilla ice cream on top?”
He tilts his head. “Do I?”
“I think you do.” I open the fridge and dig it out from behind Patty’s extensive Greek yogurt collection.
He beams when he sees it. “You put my name on it?”
I did. Which, of course, necessitated a very brief trip to Facebook. Not to stalk. Just to confirm the spelling: Reid, as opposed to Reed. But yes, Reid Wertheim has a Facebook profile. And yes, Reid Wertheim is Single. Not that it matters. I just happened to notice.
“Oh, right—you need ice cream,” I say quickly.
“I’m pretty sure I’m about to be ruined for all other food, Molly.”
And I’m about to make a wiseass comment about Mini Eggs, but there’s a sudden burst of laughter from upstairs. I’m so startled, I almost jump. I definitely thought Reid and I were the only ones home.
But then I hear Cassie’s voice, and Mina’s low, husky laugh, and oh.
OH.
And all I can think is this: DEAR GOD. PLEASE LET THIS NOT BE SEX. Is that even a thing? Daytime Fourth of July sex? Because I’m pretty sure I won’t survive overhearing sex in the presence of Middle Earth Reid.
I look at him. He looks at me. And then I hear the familiar creaking thud of Cassie’s footsteps on the stairs. She and Mina appear in the kitchen doorway moments later.
Fully clothed. Holding hands.
“Whoa. I didn’t know you were home,” Cassie says.
“We just got here.”
“Aww, Molly, you look so cute and patriotic,” says Mina. And then she looks up at Reid. “Oh hey!”
Reid looks startled. “Hey, Mina.”
I look back and forth between them. “Wait, you know each other?”
Reid nods. “We go to school together.”
Cassie peers up at him. “But I don’t know you.”