“I don’t believe in all that therapy bullshit, but maybe if they’d had that for us when we came back from Nam instead of just throwing us back into civilization without so much as a how-do-you-do, more of us wouldn’t have been so fucked in the head,” he says, moving the toothpick around in his mouth as he speaks. “I don’t know many men who could have made it through what you did. Lost a few of my own buddies in the war. Wasn’t near as bad as what you went through, but if you ever get tired of the headshrinker and need to talk, my door’s always open.”
A few minutes of silence settle between us, and the bond we’d always shared strengthens with the knowledge that we both went off to war, saw some pretty bad shit, and came home to try and put the pieces of our life back together.
Paul pulls the toothpick out of his mouth and points it at me. “I know you didn’t come here for a job, seein’ as all people in this town can talk about is that fancy new truck you’re drivin’ and the big house you rented in town. And you sure as shit got better things to do than standin’ around bullshittin’ with me, so spit it out, son.”
“Jesus, is nothing a secret in this town?” I ask with a shake of my head, irritated that no one has anything better to do around here than talk about me, and a little freaked out that Paul still knows me so well and knew I didn’t come here just to shoot the shit with him.
“Only the things people want to keep a secret, you should know that by now. The missus was gettin’ her hair done at the beauty parlor across from your house and all the gossips in Charleston were in there that day watchin’ you move your stuff in. It’s good you’re settlin’ in, doin’ normal things normal people do. Folks’ll stop talkin’ about ya if you keep that up and don’t do anything stupid to give them a reason to gossip.”
I blow out a frustrated breath of air, knowing without a doubt that my reason for coming here is something stupid that the gossip mill would cut off their own arms to get a piece of. Even with that knowledge, I still have to try. I still need answers. Deciding to just get it over with, I do as Paul demanded and spit it out as fast as possible before losing my nerve.
“A week before I was deployed, someone anonymously sent a copy of the police report from my parents’ accident to my apartment. Funny thing was, it wasn’t the same report they gave me when it happened that I needed for the insurance company. In the report they gave me, it was a single car accident, my father was driving, and they both had blood alcohol levels well above the legal limit. In the one someone sent me, neither one of them had a trace of alcohol in their system, but the driver of the second car, who it claimed was at fault, sure as hell did.”
I finally stop rambling and take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I’d never been intimidated by Paul, even when he was chewing my ass out in front of all the other workers for showing up to work a few minutes late when I’d been preoccupied with Shelby. As he stands here glaring at me silently, I’m scared as hell about what he’ll say or do. This isn’t just me being young and irresponsible. What I’m eluding to, and his possible connection to it, could ruin a lot of lives, and if what I believe is true, it would definitely cost him his job. I’m sure he’s wondering why I didn’t come to him with this when I first got the report, but I honestly never thought about him being the one who sent it until I had five years of nothing but time to think about it and dwell on it between beatings, and came to the conclusion that he was the only person in my life who could have done it.
“Why you telling me this, son?” he asks quietly.
“I think he might actually hate you now more than me,” Rylan whispers from behind me. “I told you this was a bad idea.”
Sliding my elbow off the gate, I cross my arms in front of me and stand tall. I spent too many years being kicked around and not being able to fight back or take a stand. As much as I love Paul and I appreciate everything he ever did for me, I can’t let this go. That police report was the catalyst to everything that fucked up mine and Shelby’s lives. It made me question everything I thought I knew about my parents. I have to know the truth.
“You know why I’m telling you this, Paul,” I answer in a low voice. “And I think you already know what I’m asking. I know your son-in-law just graduated from the academy and had been hired in at the station a few weeks before my parents’ accident. You knew the kind of life I had with them growing up. You saw how pissed I was and how much I hated them for doing something so stupid and leaving Kat and I to fend for ourselves.”
Paul narrows his eyes at me, but I keep going, even as Rylan whispers in my ear, telling me to shut up before the old man takes a swing at me.
“You and Rylan were the only ones who knew about me and Shelby. That report I got in the mail had the license plate number of the other vehicle, but we both know it’s not that hard to look something like that up and find out who the owner was,” I finish.
The silence stretches out between us, much more uncomfortable than a few minutes before when we were bonding over war. Paul finally sticks the toothpick back in his mouth, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans as he pushes away from the gate with his elbow.
“That was a long time ago, son. I’m thinkin’ at this point, after what you’ve been through, some things are best left alone,” he states.
“I don’t give a fuck if it was a hundred years ago!” I shout angrily. “People still refer to my parents as the town drunks who got what was coming to them. Kat and I were treated like the scum of the earth for YEARS because of that shit. That woman…”
I trail off and count to ten in my head to get my anger under control. At least I’ve gotten something useful out of all those fucking hours with the shrink.
“That woman,” I continue, unclenching my fists and managing not to yell, “threatened me, my sister, and her own goddamn daughter when I confronted her. She got my deployment moved up an entire fucking year just to make sure I got the hell away from here and kept my mouth shut. Like I said, I don’t give a shit how long ago it was. When you spend five years in hell, you’ve got nothing but time to think about this shit and it’s about fucking time I get some answers and make the right person pay for all the damage she’s done. Did you send me that report? Have you known all this time that my parents weren’t responsible for that accident?”
Rylan whistles softly when I finally finish, and Paul starts rocking back and forth on the heels of his cowboy boots.