I can hear the tears in her voice and I see out of the corner of my eye as she wipes the wetness off her cheek and continues talking while staring at the car in front of us.
“When she hit the tree, it pinned her leg against the door. They called it a comminuted femur fracture—the bone was broken into more than two distinct fragments,” Meredith explains through her tears, which have now turned into full-on sobs as she spits out the words that make me wish I could take back everything I’d said to Shelby.
“You didn’t move on, you fucking gave up!”
My knees give out and I fall to the wet grass, pressing my hands into the ground to keep my body up when all I want to do is curl up and die, knowing all the hateful things I said to her.
“Goddammit, how could you throw it all away?”
“Parts of the door broke off, slicing right through her thigh,” Meredith continues to speak. “Those parts cut off the blood flow to her leg.”
I sit back on my legs and bring my hands up to my face, trying to block out all the images racing through my mind of Shelby driving that car. Shelby crying and upset because of that fucking note I left behind. Shelby losing control and being in pain. Shelby losing everything because of me. Because I tried to stand up to her mother and it backfired. Because I wrote her a note and broke her heart, thinking I had no other choice.
“She had two emergency surgeries to fix the artery, and had to wait two weeks before they could try and fix the fracture,” Meredith explains through her tears. “For a while they thought they might have to take the leg because it had atrophied so badly. Then, weren’t even sure she’d be able to walk again.”
“Best thing about you right now, at least you still have the most beautiful damn legs I’ve ever seen. Too bad you chose to stop using them.”
I claw and clutch at my hair to try and get my words to stop, but they won’t go away. I said them to her with such anger and disgust that it sickens me. Even while I said them to her, I saw the devastated look on her face but it didn’t register. I just wanted to hurt her because it hurt me so much that I came home and the woman I loved wasn’t there.
This is why. This pile of broken metal is why. I left her alone and I left her broken and then I came home and accused her of giving up. She stood there in front of me, so proud and trying so hard not to let it show how much my words must have cut like a knife. My words would have killed her. She wanted to dance more than anything else in this world and I yelled all that stupid shit about throwing it all away. I fucking yelled at her.
I hear Meredith move across the grass and I drop my hands from my head as she squats down next to me. Our eyes meet and I’m sure we both have similar looks of grief since I can still see the tears falling down her cheeks and my heart feels like it’s breaking in two.
“I know you went through a lot of shit while you were gone,” she tells me softly. “Shit I can’t even comprehend, and I’m sorry for that. But Shelby went through a lot, too. She’s still going through a lot, so give her a fucking break. She’s excellent at hiding her pain, pretending like she’s fine, but she is not fine. She is not okay. She’s going to kill me when she finds out I told you about this, but I don’t care. Because she. Is not. Okay. I don’t like you very much for what you did to her when you left and I really don’t like you very much for what you did to her tonight, but I can’t keep standing around, watching her do this to herself. Jesus, do you know how hard it is to stand by and watch your best friend just give up? She’s the most important person in my life, Eli, and she’s killing me. She’s breaking my heart.”
Meredith quickly swipes at the tears that have fallen down her cheeks as she stands up and I push myself from the ground to stand next to her, both of our eyes moving to the car, even though I know neither of us want to look at it anymore and have to think about what happened inside of it.
“There are things going on in that house that you don’t understand. Things I don’t even understand,” Meredith whispers. “I know I shouldn’t be such a bitch to you, when I actually have a shoe box full of proof that you really did care about her, but I can’t help it. She’s my best friend and that’s my job. I don’t like you very much, Eli, but the only time I have seen any kind of spark in our girl’s eye in the last six years was when she was out on that dance floor with you tonight. Get your shit together, quit being a dick to her, and bring her back.”
She turns and walks away from me and I hear her car door open and close. I take a few quiet minutes and force myself to continue looking at the car and wish I could go back in time. Wish I could take away all of her hurt and pain and especially take away all the things I accused her of.
I’d go through a thousand more years of hell just to erase this from her life.
I’d die a thousand deaths just to make it so that accident never happened.
With one final glance, I turn and walk back to Meredith’s car and she drives me back to Kat and Daniel’s house in silence.
I’ll get my shit together and I’ll bring her back.
Goddammit, I will bring her back because I can’t live in a world where Shelby Eubanks isn’t okay.
Chapter 12
Shelby
You’re losing focus, and your little dance tonight in front of all of Charleston forced me into a corner. You have no idea what you’ve done.”
My mother slams a drawer closed, glaring at me over the top of her desk. I refuse to fidget or show her any sign of weakness. I meet her stare head-on as she continues berating me.
“You have no idea how much trouble I went through to bring that man home. I hope you realize that with a snap of my fingers, he can be hauled back to Washington and his involvement in the explosion can still be brought into question again,” she informs me.
I’ve heard these threats a hundred times before. Words meant to scare me and keep me in line. My folded hands resting in my lap start to shake and I squeeze them more tightly together, wishing I could tell her to go to hell, but I can’t. I didn’t spend all these years stuck under her thumb and miserable just to screw it all up by being defiant now.
“I understand, Mother. It was just a dance. A dance with a veteran, at a charity function for veterans,” I remind her.
“Don’t get smart with me. You have no idea what you’ve done,” she mutters again, shaking her head at me.
I’ve done nothing but what she’s asked of me, again and again, at the cost of my own happiness, but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is that Eli didn’t give a shit about showing up at one of her charity events. She couldn’t stand the idea that he wasn’t afraid of her and what she could do to him, and I wish I had half of his confidence.