“He already has. I don’t remember much, Grace, but I remember how he looked at you. That’s the kind of love that leaves an imprint. Believe me, you are that man’s everything. If he hasn’t already forgiven you, he will. But I suspect you don’t even have to ask.”
I want to tell her more, I want to spill all the gory details, but I remember that time is precious. Instead Max shows her his sign language, and I translate for him as he reads her lips. She claps and gives him hugs. She dotes on him. It’s the closest he’s ever had to a family outside of me and Amie and Jude. Being with Nana, even for a few brief moments in this fleeting hour, reminds me that I want that for him. I don’t need a big family. I’ve never had one, but I want the family that I’ve chosen.
The ones that are in my heart, and I can’t deny Jude Mercer’s place there.
On the way home I turn up the radio, marveling that in a few weeks Max will be able to hear it. Between the medicine he’s still taking and the tireless energy he showered on the residents this afternoon, he’s already fallen asleep. I keep checking the rearview mirror as if he might disappear. His hand curls under his chin and I wonder what he’s dreaming about.
A familiar melody curls from the speakers and I turn up the volume another notch, trying to place where I heard it before.
Gray skies have left me nothing but blue; Been stuck here thinking thoughts of you.
You were my sunshine.
Now there’s only rain.
You never were mine.
Now there’s only pain.
And I know now what I should say;
I’ll always be here;
I’ll always love you.
Please, God, don’t take my girl away.
Last night I dreamed you were here beside me.
I woke to find my bed was cold and lonely.
You were my sunshine.
I should have told you
You’ll always be mine.
Wish I could hold you.
And I know now what I should say;
I’ll always be here;
I’ll always love you.
Please, God, don’t take my girl away.
Jude’s voice begins to croon in my mind, drowning out the polished soprano pop star. The music fades into the deejay’s voice. “That was Piper Rose’s newest hit single: Don’t Take Her Away. I don’t know about you but that song guts me. Rumor has it that the song is about her ex-girlfriend…”
I pull onto the shoulder and throw the car into park. Clutching the steering wheel, I try to center myself, but I can’t catch my breath. I know exactly who that song is about.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I say aloud, but I’ve been known to lie to myself.
Chapter 27
Jude agrees to meet me at Thai Gardens. It seems appropriate given that I’d brought him here to tell him the truth a few weeks ago. The restaurant is a physical dividing line between my life before and my life now. That night he had convinced me to leave my past behind, but that was the thing about the truth. It had a habit of coming out.
This news will be shared on my terms.
I arrive early and sit in a corner booth, ordering nothing but a glass of water. Waiting is always the hardest part. Of course, I suppose it’s a bit masochistic to show up a half an hour before the agreed-on time. Nothing about this situation is under my control, so if that means getting here early to stake my claim, so be it.
Amie spent the afternoon in full-blown cheerleader mode, which is one of the only reasons I’m actually here. As much as I want to control this situation, I can’t predict how Jude is going to react. That thought terrifies me. We never actually sat down to talk after that terrible night. I played back the memory of those final few hours I spent with him, and somewhere past the pain and betrayal, there is love.
The waitress appears and stares meaningfully at my glass. “Would you like to order something else?”
“I’m waiting for someone,” I tell her. It’s not like this place is busy on a Sunday night.
Sunday.
My thoughts drift back to what Sunday used to mean. I hadn’t consciously chosen this day of the week to meet up with Jude, but maybe somewhere deep down, I was acting out of habit.
“I see you’re still intent on expanding my horizons.” Jude appears behind the waitress, and I swallow, trying to digest the sight of him. He doesn’t look like himself but somehow he looks better. No t-shirt, no jeans, not even a button down. Tonight he’s wearing a suit, one of those three piece numbers that cuts away to showcase his lean, muscular form. It’s obviously been made for him.
Of course, I used to think I was made for him too. “You…um…you’re…” I search for the right thing to say.
“I’m overdressed,” he answers for me.
“Yes, but you look good. I mean, the suit looks good.” Oh, just shut up, I command myself.
Jude grins, but it’s not the wide, expansive smile that usually lights up his whole face. This one is tainted with hesitation just like everything about our relationship.
“I had a meeting in Seattle,” he tells me as he slides into the booth.