The Secrets of Lake Road

Her mother said something Caroline couldn’t make out.

“We took the girls to the drive-in. What else were we supposed to do? It’s too damn depressing hanging around here.”

Caroline heard the strike of a match. Her mother or Johnny or both were smoking.

“Whose car did you use?” her mother asked.

“Chris’s mom’s.”

“Damn it, Johnny. I wish you wouldn’t have. Why didn’t you ask to use one of our cars?”

“What difference does it make whose car we used?”

“It just does. I don’t want you taking anything from them.”

“What does that mean? I wasn’t taking anything from them. What do you have against Chris? What has he ever done to you?”

“I don’t have anything against Chris. It’s not him.”

“Then who is it?”

Her mother didn’t respond.

“Tell me, Mom, because I know it’s something, and whatever it is, I can handle it.”

There was a long stretch of silence.

“It’s Chris’s mom, isn’t it? What happened between you two?” Johnny asked. “Why don’t you like each other?”

Caroline craned her neck, eager to hear her mother’s reply. There was another long silence. Caroline’s mind raced. It must have something to do with Billy. Wasn’t Chris’s mom, Dee Dee, Billy’s sister?

Movement across the hall caught her attention. There was a dark shadow behind her parents’ bedroom door. Her mother said something, but she missed what it was, too distracted by the dark figure.

“Dad,” she whispered.

He darted away without saying a word, taking his shadow with him. Then Caroline heard Johnny say, “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”

Caroline scurried back to her bedroom and climbed underneath the covers. She wondered what her mother had said to Johnny. It couldn’t have been much, or he wouldn’t have retreated so quickly. But what was strange and what bothered her more than missing a big part of their conversation, was why her father would be spying on her mother and Johnny too?

She burrowed under the sheets. Maybe her father felt as she had—closed off from her mother, pushed away. Johnny was the only one who had a solid relationship with her. When was the last time her mother had sat in the kitchen and talked with her? Had she ever? Not that Caroline remembered.

A batch of tears threatened to spill, and she swiped her eyes repeatedly until the skin underneath was dry and raw. She wouldn’t cry over the things her mother did or didn’t do. She was too old for that. She just wished she didn’t feel so alone and mixed up inside. What she wanted more than anything was for her mother to hold her, comfort her, and tell her everything was going to be okay, that what she was feeling was normal. It would pass. The summer would continue, and there wouldn’t be any secrets to hide. And whatever happened with Billy was not a big deal, nothing for her to worry about, she should leave it lie, forget about it, and enjoy herself while she was here.

But Caroline knew she couldn’t do that. Her parents were both involved in something and she had to know what it was and why. Besides, how could she pretend this summer was like all the others when a little girl had drowned? Wasn’t Sara the reason her parents stayed at the lake? Wasn’t another drowning the reason her parents’ past felt so close to the surface, to the here and now? Otherwise, her mother would’ve split after a day or two, and her father would’ve hit the road hauling whatever it was that kept him away from home sometimes for weeks. Caroline would’ve been dropped off to stay with Gram like every other summer, forgotten about by her parents, tormented by her brother.

*

She was restless most of the night. Her mind wouldn’t settle down. Thoughts of both Billy and Sara washed over her, pulling her under, sinking her into the deep, dark abyss to the bottom of the lake.

The next thing she knew she was standing outside her bedroom window in her nightgown. The summer air was unseasonably cool. She shivered underneath the swaying branches of Willow. She didn’t remember crawling out the window, but she must have. Otherwise, how could she have gotten outside?

One of the branches brushed against her arm as though vying for her attention. What is it? She asked the tree, saying the words inside her head. Do you want me to climb up? She took a step closer, when a little girl poked her head out from behind the trunk.

Caroline rubbed her eyes. She was dreaming. Of course she was. She felt the warmth of the bed and the sheets wrapped around her legs. But somehow when she opened her eyes, she was still outside under the tree. Sara, she called.

Sara appeared wearing the same yellow-and-pink polka dot bathing suit. Her braids dripped water onto her shoulders and down the front of her chest. Her skin was pale, almost translucent.

What are you doing here? Everyone’s looking for you, she said in a dreamlike voice, although she could feel herself talking inside her chest. Could she be talking in her sleep?